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Thinking about getting tubes tied and adopting

sam23
sam23
My fiance and I have been talking about what would happen if I got pregnant again after our wedding next year, and how we would handle it and when we would tell people etc.. However, I've been secretly thinking about the fact that I'm just not sure if I ever want to be pregnant again. I know that lots of women feel this way after a loss, but its been several months since my loss in march, and I'm really considering that maybe having a baby the "normal" way isnt best for me. I've always wanted to adopt and after my first loss I contemplated just adopting and not trying again. I'm thinking maybe my second loss is a sign that adopting is the way I was meant to be a mommy. I've researched several forms of perminant birth control and called places asking about them. My only concerns are that alot of them are invasive and the fact that alot of doctors have said that because I'm only 23 most physicians wont tie my tubes or do any other form of perminant birth control. However, I feel like its my body and my decision, so i'm not sure if a doctor could really deny me any birth control procedure. I was just wondering what others thought about adoption and tubiligations.
CarrieDawn
CarrieDawn
Maybe you should consider adopting and just using a temporary form of birth control for now. You have so many childbearing years left and you might change your mind at some point and wish you hadn't had your tubes tied. I believe you're correct about doctors refusing to do a tubal ligation on a woman so young. We have lost 4 babies but are still hopeful that we will have a full term pregnancy. I know every women is different, but don't be hasty. Definitely takes a lot of time to think about it before you make a final decision. Best wishes to you in whatever you decide to do!
sam23
sam23
Thanks so much for the advice (:
deleted_user
deleted_user
I tend to agree... you are still young and although this time you are going through right now is very hard you should really give yourself some time... maybe look into temp. birth control forms and adoption but I think that getting your tubes tied right now could possibly lead to mixed emotions and possibly regret in the future... who know somewhere down the road you might decide that you are ready to try having your own baby again... adoption can still be an option no matter what avenue you chose there are some many children out there to love... but my advice take your time to really look at all avenues... and you might want to research the Mirena as a temp. birth control method because it is good for up to five years... just an thought... I hope this helps and good luck with whatever path you decide!!
duane
duane
I'll admit I felt like you a while ago. You have to do what is best for you. I have met many women who have gone through multiple losses and then had miracles. Adoption is a wonderful route as well because you will be helping a child who needs a loving family. I would not loose hope and take your time with this decision. Once it is done it is final...and you can not have regrets. We are in the midst of both fertility treatments and adoption.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Allow yourself time to heal.. and I do mean emotionally. I felt the same way as you... I was SOOOOO scared to try to have a child, after my two miscarriages... but then, I had my beautiful son. Then...most recently, tried & lost again. Yet...I remain hopeful that I will have another child when the time is right. It is very scarey... but so very worth it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh sweetie - you are way to young to be thinking about that! I know you are sad and hurt, but you will heal. A friend of mine had her tubes tied and she is so regretful of it now - she even wants to have it reversed. Adoption is a great idea - I want to do that too - but don't give up on having your own beautiful baby!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I really think I would feel the same exact way you do right now if I have another loss. I've only been through 1 pregnancy and I feel if I did get pregnant again and lose it it would be a "sign" to adopt. I'm turning 30 this year and although I know I have some years left I don't know how much more I could mentally take. One of my close friends ended up adopting after IVF was unsucessful and it was also a long hard process for her and her husband.

I do agree with carriedawn.. you still have a lot of time left and I wouldn't do anything permanent, just in case. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it is wonderful that you are thinking about adoption! I think that is something that God lays on your heart. However, I wouldn't suggest a tubal at this point in your life. Like BriarRose suggested, look into the mirena (it is good for 5 years). Who knows what is in store for you? I know several people who gave up on ttc after years of infertility and ended up with a surprise pregnancy once they adopted...or you might end up having your own child afterall and once you experience the love and joy that brings, the call on your heart to give a home to a child without a family might become even stronger. I understand the need to sheild yourself from the pain- none of us want to go through another loss, but, don't close any doors just yet. Good things are in store for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I really think that you should give it some more time before making a decision to tie your tubes or permanent birth control. You are still so young, you could change your mind in a couple years. I understand not wanting to endure another loss but many women go on to have successful pregnancies after multiple losses. And you never know what medical advancements may be made in the coming years. It is ultimately your decision though. But I will tell you that a dr. can and probably will deny you the procedures that you are hoping for. Not all dr. but if it is really something that you want, you may need to search for the right dr. Either way, I wish you all the luck in the future.
deleted_user
deleted_user
As many others have said, adoption is a great idea, but doing something permanent might warrant more thinking. My mom tied her tubes after #3 and a few years later regretted it. I've also heard of many women having several m/c and then being blessed with a little one (or two!) so don't give up! I've also felt unsure of whether I want to get pregnant again or not because of the fear of losing a third time. I too believe that we have to heal emotionally in order to be ready to try again.