i had 2 daughters and then 2 miscarrages. the first at 3 weeks and the second at 5 months which was so hard cause he was so perfect and i was feeling him inside(*big loss). then i had two sons and than 4 years ago i lost my third child at 3 months. i was than told that if i were to concieve again i would be unable to carry it. well, they were wrong because a year after that i had twin girls who are now 3 years old. i still feel guilty about the miscarrages even though they say none were my fault i still feel like i could of, should of done something different. this is the first time talking about this and i know now that the pain is still so intense. i know it takes time but when will i let them go. they were a part of me and i had dreams for them. i named each on and have a memorial rock garden for them. when asked i say i have nine children 6 living and 3 deceased. they were all a life.
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