Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
Sorry this is very long... a few days ago my fiance's ex had a scare thinking she was pregnant from a guy she met online. they had met up in a hotel room and for a few days they had some racy foreplay- then had sex, but he used a condom with that. The girl thought if anything she got pregnant from the foreplay (idk exactly what they did, but she has been pregnant twice before with two miscarriages she knows what it takes to conceive...)
anyway, my fiance freaked out about this. he blamed himself for her two miscarriages and our three... and he wrote this to me:
"I'm sorry it has come to this, but I've been pushed past my limits. I read what ******* said, that she thinks she got pregnant from just foreplay. That means all this time, I'm the one who has been responsible for all the miscarriages. I must not be able to have kids, and that is a thought I can't bear to live with. I'm sorry that I put you through so much suffering, but this will make sure that I never do that to you again."
I know he was extremely upset that morning and thinking about suicide... He told me he was. But he's had these thoughts before about other things... But he's never gone so far as to actually write a note....
We're young- he's 21 and I'm 20. We both want a family so bad. We're getting married soon. We live on our own, both have management jobs and make decent money. Plus he's a firefighter and I'm training to become one.
We're having fertility testing done soon. I'm 100% sure that I know what happened with my three miscarriages and his ex girlfriend's two... She has a disease that can play a factor infertility. I have issues with my cycles. I'm very irregular, I get very sick on a monthly basis and I think I have a blood clotting disorder that I am getting tested for soon. My cycles are BAD. I seriously cramp so bad that I can't move and have trouble catching my breath sometimes... And I can't keep any food or liquids down. It's been going on for over a year, a month since my first miscarriage... I think that the pregnancy screwed up my hormones or something. I don't know. I've been told it's more than likely a hormone imbalance. So I know he isn't at fault. 5 miscarriages in less than 3 years means we conceived 5 times in that time... Hundreds if not thousands of couples have infertility issues with conceiving. And most cases of male factor infertility are found from couples who can't conceive. So if anything on his part it is genetic, but since his ex is sick and I have so many issues... I think it's just bad luck on his part above anything else. I've talked to him before about us breaking up if I find out I am completely infertile... he wants kids so bad. He said he wouldn't let me leave him... But he would kill himself the moment he thinks he is the problem? I don't know what to do... I've tried talking to him... How should I approach this? Anybody been through something similar?
anyway, my fiance freaked out about this. he blamed himself for her two miscarriages and our three... and he wrote this to me:
"I'm sorry it has come to this, but I've been pushed past my limits. I read what ******* said, that she thinks she got pregnant from just foreplay. That means all this time, I'm the one who has been responsible for all the miscarriages. I must not be able to have kids, and that is a thought I can't bear to live with. I'm sorry that I put you through so much suffering, but this will make sure that I never do that to you again."
I know he was extremely upset that morning and thinking about suicide... He told me he was. But he's had these thoughts before about other things... But he's never gone so far as to actually write a note....
We're young- he's 21 and I'm 20. We both want a family so bad. We're getting married soon. We live on our own, both have management jobs and make decent money. Plus he's a firefighter and I'm training to become one.
We're having fertility testing done soon. I'm 100% sure that I know what happened with my three miscarriages and his ex girlfriend's two... She has a disease that can play a factor infertility. I have issues with my cycles. I'm very irregular, I get very sick on a monthly basis and I think I have a blood clotting disorder that I am getting tested for soon. My cycles are BAD. I seriously cramp so bad that I can't move and have trouble catching my breath sometimes... And I can't keep any food or liquids down. It's been going on for over a year, a month since my first miscarriage... I think that the pregnancy screwed up my hormones or something. I don't know. I've been told it's more than likely a hormone imbalance. So I know he isn't at fault. 5 miscarriages in less than 3 years means we conceived 5 times in that time... Hundreds if not thousands of couples have infertility issues with conceiving. And most cases of male factor infertility are found from couples who can't conceive. So if anything on his part it is genetic, but since his ex is sick and I have so many issues... I think it's just bad luck on his part above anything else. I've talked to him before about us breaking up if I find out I am completely infertile... he wants kids so bad. He said he wouldn't let me leave him... But he would kill himself the moment he thinks he is the problem? I don't know what to do... I've tried talking to him... How should I approach this? Anybody been through something similar?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep us updated!!!!
Believe me, when I say this.
Get help, immediately. Not tomorrow, now! I can not tell you how every fiber in my being feels for you, and is shouting for you to get help.
There is a group called AFSP that might be able to help, a website called 1000 deaths that can also tell you where to go as well. (the 1000 deaths refers to what survivors of a loved ones suicide feels they must endure by the way)
Talk to him. Keep him talking. It's more than just the miscarriages that is making him depressed right now.
If he seems suddenly relaxed, or not talking about suicide thoughts, don't think everything is fine,still seek help. Keep the note, take it to the professionals when you get him help. A few days from work or each other is better than the alternative, I promise you this, I learned the hardway.
Feel free to contact me if you want. I am happy to be of support on this. Good luck, you are not alone, thinking of you tonight.