This coming Saturday would have been my due date. I have been doing a lot better and had not been on here in a long time, but I feel like I need to reach out to people who understand what I am going through. I became an online health and wellness coach and am working from home and have been fairly busy with that. I have been working out every day and finished one program and am almost a month into a new program and am gaining muscle and feeling more positive in general, not just about how I look, but also my mood has improved. The shake I drink that is part of the program has fertility friendly ingredients like maca and goji berries and after 3 miscarriages and 18 mos of trying and unexplained infertility, I am hoping that with my new healthier lifestyle that we will either conceive on our own naturally, or that I can gain enough success with my new business to be able to afford IVF or something. As part of what I do I am accountable on social media about my workouts and if I do get pregnant I plan to continue but with a pregnancy workout. I know it is considered taboo to announce a pregnancy before 3-4 months, but if we are lucky enough to conceive on our own, partly because of my daily accountability I will be announcing the moment it happens. My last pregnancy I didn't announce until it was over, and since my pregnancy's seem to be short lived and there are no guarantees that the next one will be any different, I want to celebrate the whole pregnancy from the moment I know until the end. When I either will be holding a live baby in my arms, or an angel baby in my heart. I still can't be around, talk to, or hear from pregnant women and those with babies, it is way to painful. I had one very pregnant acquaintance come up to me, after the miscarriage (which she knew about) and say she was jealous of how good of shape I am in. I said thank you but I would rather be in your shoes and still be pregnant. I love working out and like I said plan to continue, but a healthy pregnancy is far more important to me than if I look thin and toned. I have kept my bmi at a healthy 23 and am at a good weight to conceive but have had more uterine casts come out during my period the last two months. My friend who is past child bearing age was worried I might have a hormonal issue-high progesterone? or be going through early menopause. I am still not ok with not having more children, but I am trying to take life this horrible infertility miscarriage club that I seem to be in one day at a time. My husband has been more supportive and we are still waiting for our miracle rainbow baby.