Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
I had an ectopic pregnancy near the end of January.I had no idea I was even pregnant even though I was having symptoms because I had an IUD.I went to the emergency room on a Sunday and was told I had a miscarriage but to go see my ob as soon as possible.So I went that wed. and she told me she suspected an ectopic and wanted me to get an transvaginal ultrasound asap because if it was that it could rupture at any time.I got the ultrasound the next day and was told everything looked good by the tech so I took my kids to dinner and went home to watch a movie.As soon as I laid down to watch it I started having severe pain.My husband had to call an ambulance to rush me to the emergency room.I needed emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic and they had to remove the right tube.The Dr. said I would probably get out the next morning,but I ended up having to stay a total of5 days and have a transfusion because they could not get my blood count up.They told me if I would have taken any longer to get to the hospital and into surgery I would have dies that night.
At first my husband was wonderful,very attentive.Then after a few days he started making comments about how with everything he was doing for me, I better "take care" of him really well when I got better and I "owed him".He would laugh like it was just playing around,but after I got out of the hospital and the Dr. said we could start having sex,he became very pushy.The Dr. recommended him getting a vasectomy because with all the problems and trauma from the surgery I couldnt get the remaining tube tied.He threw a fit and said it wasn't fair for me to expect him to "get cut" and if I wouldnt prove to him he would be likely to get anything after he had it done by having sex now then there wasn't any point.After we found out I COULDN"T use any method of bc for me besides condoms,he continues to pressure,bully, and try to guilt me into sex with just the condoms while continuing to make excuses for not getting,or putting off the vasectomy.He calls me selfish for not giving him sex, says condoms work for millions of people, and told me a couple of times I should look up what happens to marriages when they have a "horrible" sex life.The more he pushes and refuses to do what is the safest thing for me, the more I resent him.There was only a 0.2% chance of me getting pregnant with the iud and I did and could have died.I am terrified of having another ectopic,but as I write this I'm worried I might be pregnant again.Even though we have only had sex 3 times and used a condom for all of them I have been experiencing the same symptoms as before.I don't know if I am being paranoid,but I don't know what to do.I don't know if I can handle the panic of "if I get pregnant again,will it be ectopic" every time.Sorry for such a long post,I just needed to get it out.
At first my husband was wonderful,very attentive.Then after a few days he started making comments about how with everything he was doing for me, I better "take care" of him really well when I got better and I "owed him".He would laugh like it was just playing around,but after I got out of the hospital and the Dr. said we could start having sex,he became very pushy.The Dr. recommended him getting a vasectomy because with all the problems and trauma from the surgery I couldnt get the remaining tube tied.He threw a fit and said it wasn't fair for me to expect him to "get cut" and if I wouldnt prove to him he would be likely to get anything after he had it done by having sex now then there wasn't any point.After we found out I COULDN"T use any method of bc for me besides condoms,he continues to pressure,bully, and try to guilt me into sex with just the condoms while continuing to make excuses for not getting,or putting off the vasectomy.He calls me selfish for not giving him sex, says condoms work for millions of people, and told me a couple of times I should look up what happens to marriages when they have a "horrible" sex life.The more he pushes and refuses to do what is the safest thing for me, the more I resent him.There was only a 0.2% chance of me getting pregnant with the iud and I did and could have died.I am terrified of having another ectopic,but as I write this I'm worried I might be pregnant again.Even though we have only had sex 3 times and used a condom for all of them I have been experiencing the same symptoms as before.I don't know if I am being paranoid,but I don't know what to do.I don't know if I can handle the panic of "if I get pregnant again,will it be ectopic" every time.Sorry for such a long post,I just needed to get it out.
your husband sounds mean, but its out of context. if I told you about my husband's behaviour after my last 2 miscarriags you would for sure say leave him. luckily my family and friends who knew him, reminded me of his good points.
you asked your husband to get a vesectomy, he doesn't want one. if you force the issue one way or another your marriage is over. don't do it. you need time to get perspective. I'd never have my tubes tied because my husband asked me, few women would. so you can't demand he gets a vasectomy.
find another way.
Normally I would agree that if a husband doesn't want a vasectomy it shouldn't be pushed or expected of him.But considering the circumstances and high risks to me with my " options" I'm very hurt and upset that it has even had to be a discussion much less an argument.If he got the vasectomy,the consequences for him would be being sore for a couple of days.My possible consequences both physically and mentally could be much worse.