Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
Okay, this might seem kind of dumb. BUT...
After my third round of IVF in April I got pregnant with twins. I lost them at 9 weeks and it still hurts me in a way I can't describe when I think about it.
I did my fourth round in August/early September and knew pretty much right off the bat that I was pregnant again. Turns out I am a very predictable pregnant person symptom-wise. Anyway I knew I was pregnant for a few days but it didn't feel quite right towards the end. At 4w2d pregnant my nurse called to tell me that my bloodwork showed that I was experiencing a chemical pregnancy. At 4w4d it was confirmed and at 4w6d I started to bleed.
I didn't have as much time to get attached to this baby, and I think I kind of hardened my heart going into this. But it didn't mean the loss didn't hurt, or more appropriately DOESN'T because we all know that the pain never goes away. But I feel like a jerk for not being nearly as sad about this as I am about my twins. And now all I do is count down the seconds until my period starts so I can jump into round 5.
This baby was no less wanted than my twins were and no less loved, but the sadness I feel is a drop in the bucket in comparison. I seriously feel like the world's biggest asshole. Maybe I don't deserve to be a mother. Maybe that's been the problem all along.
After my third round of IVF in April I got pregnant with twins. I lost them at 9 weeks and it still hurts me in a way I can't describe when I think about it.
I did my fourth round in August/early September and knew pretty much right off the bat that I was pregnant again. Turns out I am a very predictable pregnant person symptom-wise. Anyway I knew I was pregnant for a few days but it didn't feel quite right towards the end. At 4w2d pregnant my nurse called to tell me that my bloodwork showed that I was experiencing a chemical pregnancy. At 4w4d it was confirmed and at 4w6d I started to bleed.
I didn't have as much time to get attached to this baby, and I think I kind of hardened my heart going into this. But it didn't mean the loss didn't hurt, or more appropriately DOESN'T because we all know that the pain never goes away. But I feel like a jerk for not being nearly as sad about this as I am about my twins. And now all I do is count down the seconds until my period starts so I can jump into round 5.
This baby was no less wanted than my twins were and no less loved, but the sadness I feel is a drop in the bucket in comparison. I seriously feel like the world's biggest asshole. Maybe I don't deserve to be a mother. Maybe that's been the problem all along.
I've had soooo many miscarriages, how could I ever explain to anyone why some really mess me up, while others - I just try to move on.
Its not to do with time.
My first was arguably the worst. A very late on eptopic requiring extensive sergury. My fifth, was also eptopic, but was delt with by the hospital very well. Several science.
Its the fifth that messes me up though. Truth is, no one except me cares for the babies I lost 6 to 8, but its my fifth that gives me nightmares.
Sure that means that no one cared about the other kids I lost, why was that one pregnancy more important than others? - I have no answer.
Perhaps I felt that that my 5th pregnancy had so much baking from my husband and doctors, they were real. My 6 th pregnancy- I never let feel real, so when it didn't work, I didn't hurt in the the same way.
I don't know how you are feeling right now, but don't think your bad for not grieving the same. Wish I had the right words to say - hope one day you will be a mother , one way or an other, and this pain you feel now will be a distant memory.