Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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AWarden 02/11/2015

My husband has turned cold to my feelings regarding our loss and I don't know what to do! I just delivered our dead twin boys 7 weeks ago and obviously still having a hard time with grief but have been getting by and moving forward with a positive outlook. I have gone back to work and starting filling our social calendar back up and have started seeing a therapist and of course joined online support groups. He thinks I am weak because I cry and doesn't want to hear about how I am feeling regarding losing our babies. He says it's over, get over it and stop boo hoo'ing about it! He refuses to validate any of my feelings or support me now and will not give me any positive feedback about how well I am doing, just negative comments about how he didn't realizer I was such a weak person. This really hurts, especially in this kind of a situation.

Any other woman experience this with you husband during your loss? How did you get through it? I am scared this is going to permanently effect our marriage if it continues :( I am at a loss. I feel very alone and am unable to express how I am feeling which isn't helpful to me or the grieving process I am trying to get through right now.

AWarden 02/11/2015

Oh and let me add since all of you don't know my history, losing the twins my third loss last year. I experienced two miscarriages prior. It was a rough year! He had absolutely no sympathy for the first two whatsoever. Showed a little bit the first two weeks after losing the twins then dismissed it as if it never happened.

SoMuchHoping 02/11/2015

I am SO sorry that your husband is being so unsupportive and
hurtful :( Your feelings are absolutely within the normal after the loss of a pregnancy (ies).

And there is really no "normal". Every woman is different. And losing twins 7 weeks ago----it's a major accomplishment at this point if you are able to get up each day, get dressed, and accomplish what needs to be done for the day.

This is an incredible loss to experience and one does not simply get over this overnight or ever. You just learn to cope.

Is this how your husband tends to react to emotional-laden situations? Or does this seem very out of the ordinary for him?

I will go out on a limb---but if the answer is the latter, it would make me think that he is burying his feelings on this topic and seeing you go through the feelings makes it harder for him to bury his. Hence the lashing out.

His words to you are incredibly cruel and hurtful. I'm so glad that you are seeing a therapist. Has he/she been able to shed some light on this situation with your husband?

You are not weak.

Absolutely not.

Thinking of you.

princessevelyn 02/11/2015

I am so sorry you have to go through this right now. You are not alone. My husband has not been supportive or comforting to me as well. I know that everyone grieves differently. My husband doesn't like to see or hear me cry because it reminds him of the hurt. He says he breaks down here and there on his own and that is how he grieves. Just last night I found out that he is thinking about leaving me because his excuse is that he is not over his ex that left him over 8 years ago. My situation went from bad to worse. I too am also glad that you are going to therapy. Your husband should be more understanding but it could just be that he is having a difficult time healing himself and that is the only way he knows how to express himself. Please hang in there.

ritamichelle 02/14/2015

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I had a first trimester loss and a second trimester loss in 2013. My partner and I both started individual therapy after the second loss, as well as couples counseling. My partner was really supportive and loving but the couples therapy was really helpful. We also found a local support group for loss. They typically have them at hospitals. Perhaps one or both would be helpful to you both. Besr wishes.

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hildas 03/19/2015

Soryy to hear that your husband is so dumb. But it seems that he is also in some kind of greed. Manish greed. WIth agression he is trying to forget your's loss.

jody71 04/11/2015

I'm sorry! So sorry. We lost three. This is such a difficult time, and truthfully, very little anybody says will help you feel better. It's one of those things you have to wade through and it takes a lot of time and energy. Some days you just don't even want to get out of bed. The Miscarriage Institute has a bunch of books and videos on surviving the aftermath. www.miscarriageinstitute.com. You might find them really helpful. Hang in there.

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