Lis, have you seen a grief counselor? That might be helpful for you. He/she can help you through this tough time. I find my therapist invaluable.

As for your partner, my husband has felt the same way and it has caused him some guilt. I think you just need to keep the lines of communication open with your partner.

*HUGS*

I feel like I'm reading my own story! I am sitting here crying hysterically while my husband is at work. It is so different for them than it is for us. He does have grief, but he doesn't have the physical reminders that we do. I think as women we always put more on our shoulders anyway. My husband is being the positive one too. Encouraging me that the results will show this was isolated, that we will have healthy babies....sometimes you just don't want to hear it ya know?

But at the same time, I think to myself "What's the hurt in letting him be positive. Would you rather that he agree with your fears and tell you that there is no hope? That's why I married him-because of how safe he makes me feel". I have also not left the house much and have not gone out of my way to see people. But try it soon. I'm seeing my best friends tomorrow for the first time. The more I think about it, the more it makes me feel like I'm moving on in some way. I'll be able to talk to people that didn't have first hand experience with me. I have a difficult time talking to my husband and mom because every time I look at them I'm reminded of the saddness that we shared. I think it would help if you talked to someone who was just there to listen and give you positive support.

I too have always thought of myself as a tough cookie and this isn't what I had in mind to test that theory out on. So don't beat yourself up if you're not being tough. You will get through this.

I say check into a counselor, pastor, etc to find someone outside of the situation to talk to for some support. Most husbands can only listen and that's about it. It sounds like you need more than that - which is normal.

Also, you need to have a friend, family member, etc come over and get you - and take you to go see a funny movie, have a nice lunch, go to the spa, something. I found that it was easy to stay home and not want to move on with my life - but it's unrealistic and you are going to have to eventually. You can still somewhat function and grieve at the same time. I felt really guitly for moving on and for awhile, I just didn't want to go on without my baby, but we have no choice. Not moving on will not bring our babies back.

I really feel your pain - that was totally me five months ago. Hang in there!

i understand how u are feeling.. im kind of going through the same thing, but my boyfriend doesnt understand why i am so sad and depressed about having a miscarriage. they dont have that connection like we do when we find out that we are pregnant. Just because u are normally a strong person and are having a hard time being strong about this doesnt mean that ur less strong, it just means that you're going through a hard time and ur partner has to understand that they have to be strong as long as u need them to. until you can get back on ur feet. This wont break ur relationship it should make it stronger and make it so that you know that u guys can make it through whatever the world throws at u. Good luck and my prayers are with u!!

Brittinne

another one to say this could be my story. I don;t think I've read your other posts - can't really differentiate members atm.
But I understand the see-saw moods, I'm similar. It drives me up the wall. My partner has suggested I get counselling, but I'm rubbish at sitting and talking, it just ends up being the other person talking at me.
Whenever I get upset he's totally there with me (as the rock, not like crying and stuff) and I figure, I've been there for him when he's not been in the best emotional state, so now the tables turned!! Part of being a partnership. I guess thats what the marriage thing means with "for better for worse". it must be awful for them though, because there's nothing they can do. men have the 'fix it' mentality (so I'm told) and by saying you can try again, maybe thats what he's doing - looking for solutions, although we know replacing isn't the answer.
Also understand the leaving the house - I feel fine on my own, but put me in a group of people and I'm totally closed down, if I haven't bolted first!
You're not alone.