Once again my heart weeps for a child I will never hold. They say God only give us as much as we can handle....well, who decided that I could handle this much pain?! I feel as if my very soul has been ripped right out of my body and then put back again over and over just to be taken from me again and again.. What have I done in my lifetime that calls for such cruelty? If I were not meant to have anymore children, then why do I continue to concieve just to have them taken from me weeks later? Am I not a good mother? A good wife? Do I not deserve to complete my family? This time I choose not to run from christ. I will not be angry, I will not curse his name. Instead I shall weep openly in prayer and ask that my burden be taken from me. I will ask him to choose the path my future takes no matter where it may lead, and to only spare me anymore suffering, for it has become more than I can bear. "Why?" Has become a question I have been asking so much in the past six months and I just dont think I will ever recieve an answer. So I surrender myself to God, to fate, or whatever else has chosen this for me. I don't know how many more tears I have to shed. Yet, I am still a mother to someone who needs me and if that is all I am destined to be than so be it.
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