Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
I lost my baby boy last month when I was on my 20th week. We thought that we already passed the critical 1st trimester but we were wrong. All my tests were normal. But all of a sudden on my 20th week, after peeing something was about to come out of my vagina. Not knowing that it's already the water bag and I'm fully dilated when I reached hospital. It's so hard to accept until now that I didn't feel any symptoms or bleeding or pain. It's so fast, I didn't even know that I have incompetent Cervix. My baby just lives few minutes. Until now I'm still crying and don't know how to move on. It's so hard.
I also have an incompetent cervix. I know there isn't much I can say to help your broken heart, but it does get easier to learn to live again. You will be forever changed though. Once a heart breaks it never goes back together quite the same way. I know this doesn't change things but I want to give you some hope for the future. I found an amazing ob/gyn and maternal-fetal medicine physician who not only helped me have 3 successful pregnancies but also helped rebuild me. They are truly amazing people. My OB/GYN and I send letters to each other every so often and give her updates on "our boys" as she calls my kids. I received three cerclages and had some physical limitations throughout the pregnancy. My first son was born 4 weeks early and I had 15 weeks of strict bed rest to help keep him in. My other two I made it within days of their due date with absolutely no bed rest but I still had physical limitations. I'm not going to lie pregnancy was scary after a late loss. There were many visits they had to check my blood pressure twice because I was so anxious and scared that I'd find out something bad. They were so understanding and patient. I'm not sure if any of this is helpful for you, I hope some of it is. If you have any questions or just want to talk about what happened I am here to listen. I know I kept repeating what happened to my close family and friends while I tried wrapping my head around what had happened. It does help to talk about it and cry about it. Here is my story if you want to read it.
I lost my daughter 7 years ago (wow that sounds longer than it feels) at 21 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. I did have some bleeding and the nurse practitioner told me it was normal even after I explained it was more than spotting. I had an ultrasound at 10 weeks for figuring out how far along I was. The ultrasound tech noted that my cervix was very short. Again the nurse practitioner made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. In my stomach, I knew it was a big deal but I trusted this medical professional. I waited until my 17-week appointment to inquire about the short cervix as I felt I needed answers or reassurance. My OB/GYN had no idea about the shortened cervix and sent me for another ultrasound and found out I was 2 cm dilated. The medical physicians in the area continued to make poor choices and ended up giving me an infection of my amniotic fluid which ultimately caused me to go into labor. Even at that point the physician's behaviors and choices were questionable. My daughter lived for about 25 mins.
I struggled for a long time with this loss. It bothered me when people said, "at least you are young and can have more" or "A lot of women have miscarriages" like its so common why are you bothered by it. I did actually have an early miscarriage after I lost my daughter and while they were both devastating there was a distinct difference. It bothered me when people would ask if I was STILL upset about my loss. But I have learned that they mean well and they don't mean to cause they pain that they do. So I found ways to honor my daughter in my home. I honor her at Christmas, I have a storage bench my dad made for her belongings and I talk about her with my kids.
You do what is best for you. There is no right or wrong answer. I still have trouble around her birthday. Again if you want to talk I am here to listen. I am pretty open as well so if you want to ask any questions I am willing to answer them.