I am so sorry that your boyfriend just wants you to "get over it". Unfortunately, men grieve much differently than women. Men try to internalize their grief much more than women. If you go to "I had a stillbirth and don't know what to do" article at the bottom of the discussions list page, there is a paragraph about a man's reaction to miscarriage, and how it is causing conflict between him and his wife. Reading this has truly made me understand a different perspective of grief. Your boyfriend is hurting, and although his words are probably like a dagger to your heart, it might just be his way of grieving. I know this is hard to accept, but I try to just let my husband grieve in his own private way. Although it hurts that he will not come to me and confide his fears, grief, and emotions, I have learned to accept it. I cannot change him and I figure that if I give him the time he needs, he will not resent me for forcing him to conform to my grieving process. If you ever need to talk and your boyfriend is not giving you the support you need, just log onto here and let us be your ears to hear your grief, because all of us have a much better perspective on what you are going through. Anyway, here is another poem that made me understand the male perspective of losing a child.

A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

Author Unknown

I hope this helps.

thats a splendid poem! i might add. all i can say is im here if u need to chat or vent!

I can empathize with how you feel. My husband too doesn't like to talk about it as much as i do but I have noticed he just lets me talk and when i say are you listening he will respond.

I have a real problem with anyone who says "just get over it" I lost it when my mother in law told me that and my husband actually stood up to her for me. I would have serious issues with him if he said just get over it. I don't think we would be as far in our grieveing process if he did say that to me.

All i can suggest is that you let him have his own time and space and not pour your thoughts and feelings on him for a few days and focus on your healing. That will allow him to do some on his own too. Maybe he will be more willing to talk if he has had some time to process on his own.

Wishing you luck

Abbiegale that was a beautiful poem. I cried for many reasons but mostly because I guess I never thought of it like that. Men are strong for us and sometimes us women forget that like I did. His words do hurt but I now know that it's his way of dealing and although it hurts me he's just tryng to protect me from a life of complete sadness. Thank you so much for the poem and yor insight you have really helped me a lot.

Thank you Bansheezcrow I will take you up on your offer.

Klingt1979 thank you for your response as well. I thought it was hurtful and awful waht my boyfriend said and I thought I was the only one. Glad to know i'm not alone in this although I wish I were. And you are right I am going to back off and give him his time and have my tme as well. Thank you very much. Take care

Abbiegale~~Thank you for sharing that poem. I read it a few times. I needed that cry..been so wrapped up in getting back to work this week I havent had any me time to think. I know how i feel, but not at all times know what goes on in his head. It helped to remind me.

Abbiegale, thank you for sharing that father's poem.... It really helps to understand and see...

i am so sorry that your boyfriend is so unsupportive! you need to take time for you to greive. each of us greieves in our own way and in our own time. do all of the crying and screaming that you need to. i know that i am angry at the world and the littlest things can set me off and it's hard when you can't share them with someone. my boyfriend doesn't even want to admit that we had a baby when i had my miscarriage it was like i was never even pregnant. and it kills me. guys deal with things a little differently than us. they want to stay strong for us and/or they completely bottle their emotions up. it's hard, but please lean on us here. i as well as all of the women here know what you are going through and know how frustrating and overwhelming it can be. i hope that you are able to find a great support here like i have. i am here for you if you need me. i know that this is an extremely difficult time in your life. *HUGS*

Hey, its very hard for guys to feel the full loss of a child because they are not as connected emotionally to the baby. I just had my due date and posted an entry about what all is involved when you lose a child. Read it if it helps. You don't just lose a pregnancy, you lose a lifetime. I will never get over my baby and I never want to. Take your time and grieve.

Thank you so much loveboxers and sunnysmom you both have helped me as well. Loveboxers I have been lke you been set off by the littlest of things but am slowly over coming my anger and becoming bitter which I am tryng to avoid because that's not who I am. I am that strong person in our family and I want to remain that way but some days it is extremely hard. Without support from my boyfriend it gets hard but as you and sunnysmom and others on here have said guys deal with it differently. Sunnysmom I will indeed read what you have written. Thank you two again. God bless you both.

I too feel frustrated that my boyfriend doesn't seem to want to talk about our loss in the ways I do, or that he doesn't seem to think about it as often as I do. When I bring it up, his responses are never very helpful or comforting. I know that he cares, but it never seems to feel like we are on the same wavelength.

This is when I remember how important it is to surround yourself with caring and understanding women. Even if a woman hasn't been through a similar experience, they generally find it easier to empathize.

And try not to be mad at your boyfriend. I find myself feeling frustrated, but this does no good. Some people are easier and better to talk to for certain situations. It can be disheartening to realize your boyfriend, the person who presumably should understand what you are going through more than anyone else, may not always be the person you find the most comfort in. But I encourage you to talk about this with him (how you feel he is not supporting your grief and need to talk), and not give up trying.