Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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Marie681 05/26/2011

I haven't been on in quite a while however I've still continued my struggle with grief and anger after my miscarriage in August. I used to see a counselor but I stopped after I told her I couldn't stop stressing and she told me to just stop. If only it were that easy!

Today I've discovered I'm a horrible friend. My closest friend just found out she is pregnant even though she was on the pill. She has had two previous miscarriages so I'm very happy she is blessed with being pregnant again but I am also scared. I can't imagine how scary it must be when you've had two miscarriages already and to be pregnant again. The most difficult part is that I'm also jealous and, in my negative way, see it as anyone around me is that much more fertile because they know me. One of my friends who even smokes a pack a day (even while pregnant) just had twins for Pete's sake. I feel so much like a monster. I'm happy, jealous, concerned, and sad all at the same time.

It doesn't help that I seem to be the go to person for people to tell there fertility news to. In the past week I've had three people tell me they plan on getting pregnant next month! If only it were that easy for me. Since my miscarriage my periods have been more irregular than ever and next month will be a year since I last became pregnant. The time is flying by and all I can hear is the tick.

Cantseemtoshakethis 05/26/2011

You aren't horrible, I know and understand the feeling of watching everyone else go through it. I actually MAKE myself look at sonogram pictures and when my nephew was born, I had to MAKE myself go to the hospital and see him. I can't say that it's good for us to be like this and I can't say that I have any way of telling you how to make it stop, but you aren't alone and you don't need to feel bad about it.

deleted_user 05/26/2011

Ah, lots of hugs. I am very familiar with this. Even after ten years, five losses, I still have moments when songs like Halestorm's 'Familiar Taste of Poison,' and Skillet's 'Monster' just hit the right nerve in me.

The feeling of being in a conundrum is going to be there for a while. Best thing to do is to figure out how to deal with it, sit back, and if you have to, make a choice and ignore the rest.

You are not a terrible person, you are just still in the depth of grief. You are not a monster, you are just hurting and everything feels like 3rd degree burns.

And yes, some people just seem to sneeze and get pregnant. It is not fair, but if there is anything you can do, see who you find yourself drawn to and be an extended aunt to the baby.

I have a friend who got pregnant while on the pill. She is in her 2nd marriage, she lost her first husband before she was 24. So she is a very young widow. She was in a car accident, and thankfully she and the baby are all right. I have actually found myself making stuff for her and the baby boy, hoping very hard he gets to be born and grow up with her. I also am hoping the blanket I made him has a chance of being his woobie. I know it took time, but I found for this one child, I am eager to make things for the baby. Which, honestly, is a first for me.

Which helps me remember this: There is more than one way to be there for a child. I know it is not the way we dream, but I would rather be there than not at all for Marie and her child.

Just be gentle to yourself, give yourself time to deal/heal/cope, and lots of hugs. Don't loose yourself, Love yourself. (Queen Latifah)

Marie681 05/27/2011

Thank you two so much. It's really comforting to know I'm not alone.

deleted_user 05/27/2011

God bles sand you are not alone. You are not a bad person or bad friend you are hurting. Give it time and take it easy on yourself. I pray you find peace.

deleted_user 05/27/2011

I hear that tick too. My mc was November and I'm not seeing anyone anymore. I'm 31 and going "um... I should kinda think about dating if I want to have another shot". I hear that tick... some days it's louder and faster than others.

Marie681 05/27/2011

I just want to thank everyone again. I've began keeping a journal to write out all the feelings floating around and it seems to be helping too. I don't think I would feel so much pressure to get pregnant if I wasn't turning 30 in two weeks. Thank you so much again.

Cantseemtoshakethis 05/27/2011

I prayed last night before I went to bed for you. I have faith that you will get pregnant, carry and be a wonderful mom, 30 or not. I had a dream that God told me to tell myself I WILL, I haven't had any positive dreams until I started here. He said if you tell yourself you will, you will. Sometimes we can't tell ourselves good things, but I will for you.
Oh and 30, well 30's the new 20. I hope you enjoy your birthday and I will pray that you don't think about babies at all that day. You should think about yourself on your birthday and cake... lots of cake lol

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