Hello everyone,

I'm new to this site and I would like to share my story with you all. I apologize for this being so long. I've always wanted to start a family. I didn't think that would be possible because of my irregular periods. Well, I took Clomid for the first this summer and I found out I was pregnant in September. Me and my husband were so excited. I didn't fully believe it until I saw it on the ultrasound. I was nervous about the first trimester. But I made it through and I told myself that I'm good to go. On December 11, I went to the bathroom to do my business and there was a gush of fluids. I looked down and I saw blood and it continued to come out. I screamed for my husband and I knew I was losing my baby. We went to the clinic and I went in to do an ultrasound. I was relieved to know that the baby was still alive. Then she told me that there was no amniotic fluid there. I was crushed. My husband and I cried and the doctor told us that sometimes the fluid can be replaced. I held on to that little hope. I went to the hospital and they did another ultrasound. I saw my baby's heart beating. Then I saw the lady who was doing the ultrasound type in Poss Breech. I knew that something was wrong. The doctor came in again and asked to feel my cervix because she thinks the baby is coming. She said she could feel little feet there. When she said that. I cried so hard. I told my husband and he cried with me. They took me to the birthing area and put these pills in me. I had to really go to the bathroom so my husband helped me and I went and tried to do my business again. I felt cramping and I looked down and I saw a pair of legs hanging out. I screamed for my husband to call the nurse and she came in and delivered my baby. I couldn't look while she was doing it. I was helped back into bed and my husband was holding our baby. He brought the baby over and placed it in my arms. It was a boy and he was so beautiful. I noticed that his chest was moving up and down. He was still alive. He looked so much like my husband. We named the baby after him. He was so perfect. I touched his hands and feet, his little nose and mouth. We created a beautiful baby boy. We spent some time with our son and then we decided to give him to the nurse. When I held my son for the last time, I kissed him and he was so cold. I knew he had passed on. I said goodbye and the nurse took him away. They gave us a memory box with pictures and his footprints and other things. As of right now I don't know what happened. I blamed God at first. How can he give me this gift then take it back? Then I blamed myself. The doctors and nurse said that it's an act of nature. It's been three days and I'm stilll grieving. I can't look at my husband when he sleeps because the baby looked so much like him. I find myself thinking about him all the time. It's so hard to focus on other things but I do try. Me and my husband have each other. That will never change. What makes it even harder is that I have friends who are pregnant and we were all suppose to give birth around the same time. I miss my little angel so much. I want him in my arms again. Is there anyone out there who has experienced anything similar to what I have? How did you get through it? Did you have a successful pregnancy afterwards? I really need some advice. Thank you for listening.