What she doesn't understand is that you love your baby as much as she did at the same stage. She would feel just as awful if she had a loss.
Deleting her was a good thing. I did the same thing to a college friend who was a week behind me in gestation when I lost my little guy and she told me "It just wasnt your time to be a mommy" and then 3 weeks later sent me an email requesting my mailing address so that she could send me a baby shower invite when the time comes. I told her that I wasn't ready for anything like that, especially when we were so close in gestation. I also let her know how much it hurt me when she said it wasnt my time. I never heard back from her. I gave her 3 weeks to respond, and I deleted her. I don't need someone that insensitive.

Sorry...My point was... I think you did the right thing. People don't always understand us because they assume they'd handle it different. I never knew the insensitive things that could come out of people's mouths when trying to help someone deal with the pain. I remember saying those things myself to others and now it's like "I can't believe I was so insensitive."

You know how some dads don't feel connected to their baby's until the delivery, when they are in their arms? I often wonder if some women are like that too... Most women I know mourn their losses as I do mine. But some don't - at all. At least not outwardly... and not even as a mechanism for coping, but they actually didn't perceive their child to be a child. I believe that a baby is one at conception, not at some developmental stage. And I mourn ALL my losses the same way, despite losing at different gestations! My son was also a 25 week preemie, and again people who have never experienced it lack a LOT of empathy, thoughfulness and kindnes... I am so sorry this is they way she feels, but glad that she doesn't understand as it means she has never suffered that pain. How I wish people use their brains though... and actually think about the devastation others go though xx

By the way - one woman that HAD been through a miscarriage posted on FB that MOST women who have miscarried "play the sympathy card" and simply use it to gain things for themselves!! Obviously this is a disgusting thing to assume! Most of us really struggle to speak of our losses, and are doing the BEST we can to cope with the pain! And there were a LOT of women that said just that (as I did too, I feel VERY strongly about such terrible comments!!!) The sad thing was, she stated that she "knew" as she had miscarried once herself..... so some women just don't seem to connect to an unborn child. She has kids too, but feels differently about them. MOST women (and men!) feel the intense pain, disappointment, grief, mourning, profound sense of loss and sadness that comes with losing a child. A woman who lost one of her babies late term, and one soon after birth said she feels that her experience is no worse than any other mums - since we ALL feel those things, and suffer the loss of dreams, hopes and expectations whether whether we lost a baby at 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or 5 hours post birth. I couldn't agree more! The experience of course is different, and the mum of a lost child further in the pregnancy or after birth has more reminders to her, but the pain and the thoughts and the overwhelming devastation is the same for each and all of us xx

I am sorry you have to deal with people like that too.

I currently have someone in my life (who has also had 3 m/c's and a stillbirth and is currently 7 months pregnant with her 2nd child) who 3 weeks after my loss told my partner i was pathetic and should get over it, her children are more important than our m/c. She has since told him i make her sick and am taking attention away from the mummies who have suffered 'real loss' by refering to my 'embryo' as a boy when it wasnt even a baby (which i havent, although my baby wasnt an embryo it was a foetus) and has today told my best friend that i am lying about it and i am trying to take away her happiness!

I deleted her on facebook last week after the embryo comment but i am really hurt and angry. The trouble i have is she is the wife of my partners best friend. But we are very quickly losing our patience with it all!

Although i am not brilliant at following my own advice i would recommend cutting all ties and trying not to think about that person. Focus on the people that love you and make you happy xxx

I am so sorry that she said that to you. I have experienced insensitive comments since my miscarriage and I lost a very goood freind (well obviously she wasnt) because of it. She was also preg at the time and told me on numerous occasions that I need to just get over it. She was mad at me for not attending her baby shower which was 3 weeks after I miscarried. And then after her trying to guilt me, I talked to my husband about if I went, how I could handle it. But then a few days before, I just really couldnt go. I wasnt emotionally ready and I was also very physically sick. She took it as me being selfish, she didnt take into consideration the intense amount of pain I was going through. OOur freindship was never the same since. And infact it came to an end when her and a mutual friend were talking trash about me on fb and I put my 2 cents in and then deleted them both. Because I didnt need people like that in my life. They are the ones who are immature. To post nasty things about others on fb is just cruel.

I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. you dont need someone like her in your life anyway. I hope and pray that noobody else is that insensitive to you again. Those who have not gone through it, dont understand. But we do on here and we are here for you.

Lots of hugs to you.

I am so sorry that had to hear that. Its very true that you find out who your friends are. The people who truly care will stick by your side through it all. I went through the same thing recently. I had a miscarriage at almost 9 weeks along in march 2010. Someone I call my best friend recently told a few people about my loss. Joking about it and telling them I did it all for attention. We had been close for 7 years. But now I can't move past that. When I confronted her about it, she freaked out, told me to suck it up. And acted like I was wrong for being upset at her. People that that who bring you down...we don't need them in our lives. The people who matter will stick by your side through thick and thin. When you truly find someone that cares enough, hold on for dear life. I recently found that person and I wont let go for nothing. Anyone else who brings you down, forget them.

All of you guys have great points...and it surprises me how many ppl this has happened too...there must be alot of insensitive people out there. But if confuses me how if you have a miscarriage and you grieve for about two days, then you're over it....they call you an insensitive, heartless person......but, if you grieve for a long amount of time....then you're just doing it for attention. With PCOS, I believe it's like a 40% miscarriage rate...much higher than your average woman...and this girl has a SEVERE case of PCOS and mine is only mild....I, unfortunately, fell into the 40% category...but just b/c she didn't...she shouldn't rub it in my face like that. And, yes, I also believe a baby is a baby from the minute you get those two pink lines....it doesn't matter what stage it's in....fetus, embryo, etc....it's always going to be a baby...cause what else could it be???....a dog?! lol but yes I msged back and told her that she shouldn't talk about me like that and immediately deleted her...she msged back but I didn't even bother to read what she wrote....cause any person that acts that way...is not worth my time and emotions.*** God bless you girls :)

Lots of hugs! And good show on deleting her for being insensitive.

I have a facebook, and I am trying to hook up with others who deal with miscarriage and such on fb. I would have no problem with you posting this ever! Look for Amp Preblick.

Again, lots of hugs.

oh the things I heard when I lost my baby at 23 weeks.."well..atleast you weren't full term", "maybe there was something really really wrong with her and God didnt want you to have her" (coming from someone who had a happy healthy 6 m/o girl at the time!) or the best was "atleast it wasn't a boy!!!"
...the other ladies who posted on this are right..no one knows what its like until you have been through it and even then no one ever really knows what to say but they think they have to say something at all..I had a friend who simply sat there on the phone and cried with me and another who just didn't say anything at all but held me and those ppl helped soo much!! there are days when I dont want to talk about my little girl and then days when I want to pour my heart out and describe her to anyone who would listen-the hard part is finding someone who is comfortable enough to hear you out..hang in there and stick to those who you can find comfort in!!! hugs!

Generally the people who say these things have never been through such a loss. They can't honestly understand how devastating it is. It had never crossed my mind how hard miscarriage is on women until I dealt with it. I would NEVER say something to someone if it was something I had not dealt with, especially because as human beings we all deal with different amounts of pain differently. What hurts one person to the brink of suicide doesn't even effect others. We are all different and unique. I have learned to ignore those who have no idea.

I've heard it all. "God has a lesson for you." (which I found odd, I'm an Atheist, was like their way of saying that was why it happened...) "At least you know you can get pregnant." "Maybe the baby would have had something really wrong with it so it's better it's not here." "Now you have more time to spend with just your husband." "Now you have time for school." etc etc.

I think people just try to find the positives for you, to make you feel better. But the come out wrong. There is NOTHING anyone can say that will take away the pain. A hug really helps! But no words can help.

Don't worry about those people. I believe "What goes around, comes around."

OMG what a B****!!!!! They really should stop complaining. women make sacrifices for their babies because it's what mom's do. That girl is very heartless. We're here for you!!! XXXX

What a cow!! I'm glad you deleted her. I lost my baby close to Mothers Day and my sister in law sent me this thing shortly after I miscarried all about Mothers Day... thankfully she was living in a different state as I was fuming.

On a different note, its sad that something like FB shows people's true colours and we have to find out what people are like through such an informal means - we seem to realise a persons true colours of 10 min of FB time as opposed to years of face to face interaction.