oh lina...I am so sorry. I know this is hard. I know its frustrating that you husband can just keep going, like nothing happened. I have asked my DH, "aren't you sad because I am devistated!" What I have come to realize is that he is sad...he just copes in a MUCH different way than I do. I lie in bed crying...he plays a computer game. I get on daily support and share my experiances with others who understand...he goes out to his shop to do whatever he does out there. I need to talk to cope...he needs to avoid it in order to cope. He wants me to cope in the way he does...by going out to eat, to act "normal". I think it just crushes him that I am so emotional and sad. Trust me lina...his leaving is not going to speed up your grieving process. We are in a process, and its not a fast one. Oh God I miss both of my babies...I cry, I get angry, i get sad...I think we all have to go through it in order to get to the other side. What you are experiancing is normal! Just know that it is difficult for anyone to understand unless they have been there. Come here often...talk to us...vent to us. Here is you need to chat

Sweetheart, I understand that his way of reacting to you is almost like pouring salt in that fresh open wound and his ways just come across as "get over it".... truth is, it's probably VERY difficult on him to see you suffering that way.... I can't help but wonder what role models he has had in his life and how they responded to his grief growing up.... probably by telling him to 'get over it'... My husband too has a practical mind... The practical mind says "there's nothing we can do except to torture ourselves or choose not to".... The logical mind says, "This hurts too bad to NOT allow myself to experience some pain in order to get better." I don't know your husband and perhaps he deserves your response to his seeming lack of concern... but I would venture to say he's just dealing in a different way. Many of the things you've described him doing are comfort issues.... sex is comfort and in his mind likely closeness with you, his woodworking is comfort, mind release from stress.... Try your best not to alienate yourself from those you love and who love you, but make yourself known! I'm glad you told him how you feel and how his actions come across as apathy. I'm praying for you and your family and I hope that this reply has come across with all the love and concern I have for you in your current situation.

Lina,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is extra difficult to deal with your spouse when it doesn't seem like he is as broken-hearted as you are. The fact is that men do deal with a miscarriage very differently and he isN'T as heartbroken as you are. It's much different for us mothers, it was a baby in our body and there's just nothing like that for the men. Try and realize that it is different for him and tell him what you need. He's not going to just act like you want him to. It's unfortunate but true. If he is unable to give you the support you need, or be there for you, then maybe being alone is the right thing to do, but you do need support now - as hard as it is to ask for it and to receive it.

And please know that you are RIGHT that things aren't normal and you do not need to get over it. You need to grieve and cry. And check back in here as much as needed.

Hugs, LV