Hello, I just lost my baby a week ago today.. it is hard. I have a pregnant friend- she is 8 months pregnant, and while she knows that i miscarried she will not stop talking about her pregnancy, asking me to go baby shopping with her, wanting to come and "hang out" with me. It's like she doesn't realize that it is killing me that i lost a life inside of me, and she doesn't stop its ongoing. Finally i told her i needed time to grieve i could not go baby shopping. I let her know that i was happy for her and i pray that she has a healthy baby and pain free delivery, but i need time. Please give your self time to heal, and grieve. If you feel like it's not a good time to see her then don't because you need "you"time. Its still too fresh, and do not feel bad. I hope you feel better soon, & that God blesses you with a healthy baby.

Hi, I know how you feel. Our colleagues are 5 months pregnant, 2 weeks behind my last pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. My husband also knew for 2 weeks and didn't tell me. So we go to a BBQ with our colleagues and another couple we work with and in conversation with one of the wives, I learn that she's pregnant... she said "I'm so sorry, I thought you knew..." My husband was right behind me, and I asked him if he knew, he said yes, then I said "Why didn't you tell ? this is big news!" I told the lady, "don't worry, hearing your pregnant doesn't make me feel bad" because I could see how awkward she felt, and to see the other people around us, pretending not to listen... I was so embarrassed, it felt so awkward, and I was sooooo mad at my husband! Why didn't he prepare me?! Now look how sad and embarrassed I am! I'm just thinking..."so everyone knew but me. She was pregnant when we announced that we were, she was pregnant when I miscarried and cried telling her... she was pregnant all along." I was on the verge of breaking down and crying so I pulled my husband into the house with me and started crying telling him "why didn't you tell me?! why didn't you prepare me?! everyone knows but me!" In his defense he said he didn't know how far along she was, or that anyone else knew. I was so mad! Then he got upset with me saying he was trying to protect me, that he didn't know how i'd handle the news if he told me, so he thought he'd just wait until she announced it publicly. The same week he found out, I had a horrible week and was so depressed I was looking into taking antidepressants. He said he doens't know how to handle this situation, or how to take care of me, he's trying the best he can. He was offended that after all he does to take care of me through this, he messes up with one thing, and I come down on him hard. So after our fight, we go outside and try to fake enjoying the evening, just waiting until we can leave. It was a horrible night. Afterward, he apologized and said it would have been better to prepare me before hand. I acknowledged all the things he's been doing to help take care of me, putting up with my moodiness and crazy emotions, holding me when I cry, cleaning the house for me, helping me to let go of stressful things, or taking them on himself. The bottom line is, I realized that I was sad, angry, and embarassed that night because my baby died and her's didn't, and everyone knew that. I just took it all out on my husband. He didn't not tell me right away to hurt me, he did it trying to protect me. And if he made a mistake trying to protect me, I want to cut him some slack, to show him grace, and not treat him as if he did it on purpose. It is easy to take out the things we can't control on those we can control like our husbands, but that only drives us apart when we need eachother the most. I'm so sorry you had to go through the awkwardness, the embarrassment and the pain of finding out someone is pregnant and not being told, of being kept out of the loop, being isolated because of your loss. I hope you can share with your husband how you feel and look past the pain to see him trying to protect you, and that people didn't tell you because they care about you and didn't want to hurt you. Unfortunately, people don't know that keeping things from us makes us feel worse. Hang in there! *hugs*

Bless your heart sweetie! I feel so badly for you because I know how you feel! I work in an OB/GYN office and not only get to see LOTS of pg women, but have had so many colleagues get pg and successfully deliver around me it is mind boggling. Try to remember that your DH is just doing what he feels is necessary to protect you, no matter how wrong he may be. This was something that was hard for me to do, as well. My DH just didn't seem to get it, at times, and that alone made me want to scream. Once I was able to take a step back and see that he was just trying to do what he felt was right out of love and concern for me, I was able to forgive him for the mistakes I felt he was making. We were able to make so much more progress once I did this, too! Remember to let him know what you need and what you want! It will help so much! You are in my prayers!

Oh Lina I am SO sorry. I am so sorry not only at this ache of not having your little one, but that you now have Betrayal added. I know it feels like a betrayal, and even though it hurts so much, maybe your DH was trying to protect you, maybe this is how he thought he was saving you. Remember with the Father it's hard because they can't just take away our pain you know?
You are SO loved and I wish I could HUG you! *** And it's not your fault Love, it's not your fault. And it hurts, and I've cried so many times, angry that my own body betrayed me in the cruelest way ... by taking my child ... but it's not your fault. I love you.

Lina, that stinks. I do think people try to protect us, however misguided it is. They don't get that it would be so much better to be prepared. My cousin got pregnant right around the same time I did. She's fine; I'm not. It's unfair. Please know we are all thinking of you, and we understand. Take care of yourself.

I am so sorry for you loss. I can understand feeling hurt and angry with your family for keeping things from you....I sometimes feel like I'm the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. I had my miscarriage about 1 1/2 months ago and I feel like everyone in my family is ignoring me. Two of my SILs have just had babies and each time I was told about the new baby it torn at m heart. I hope in time you are able to heal and get through your grief....you are not alone....HUGS.

Your story is SOOOO similar to what I'm dealing w/right now, too! Omg, it's horrible! My husband's brother and sister-in-law just told us that they were expecting, and at the time, so was I, but we were waiting, since I had just had a m/c 2 months before. I was a week ahead of her, so I instantly started thinking about the cousins, about how we'd look at Christmas- two huge pregnant ladies, and then...I had an abnormal ultrasound- small baby, slow heartbeat, enlarged yolk sac,...and then, the next u/s showed a dead baby- no heartbeat. I'm currently 4 weeks post-traumatic u/s, and am still not finished w/this m/c. It's heartbreaking. But, what was WAY WORSE was going on a weekend sailing trip w/the brother in law and sister in law, and...seeing her starting to show. And, knowing that any day, I could start bleeding. Seeing her take naps bc the hormones were making her sooo tired, seeing her order virgin drinks,...too much! I feel apart, and left the boat after day one. Couldn't take it! I couldn't be more happy FOR THEM, bc it's their first, but...i hate them right now, bc they're happy, and we're going through this.
Good luck w/your situation. I think, sadly, that only time can fix this- for both of us!

First off, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I want you to know that we are all here for you and if you ever need to talk you can send me a message. Second, I want you to know that you having a miscarriage is NOT your fault. I blamed myself when I first had my miscarriage. Thinking, "what could I have done to prevent this?" or "what did I do wrong?" There is nothing you did wrong or you could've done to prevent it. God has a path for all of us. And theres a reason everything happens. Again, I'm sorry for your loss and if you EVER need to talk just message me. Take care.

Definitely don't hold back on telling people around you that you need time. I had a miscarriage in April and now, I think I have three friends that have had babies within the lat 6 months and about a half a dozen more that are currently pregnant. It feels very upsetting for me too. It feels infuriating and unfair. Luckily I've been blessed with friends that respect that and try to be sensitive to my feelings. I still grieve everyday as my would be due date comes closer, I feel that need to scream and I simply can't. So sorry you feel this way.