I think you need to do what you feel is right for you at this time. I'm sure your friend will understand. So many times in life we think of others feelings without considering our selves. If this is too painful you can let her know that you will celebrate with her at a different time. Give yourself time to heal. I am so sorry for your loss.

I went through something similar. A friend of mine and I were due 12 days from each other and when it came time for her shower, I debated if I should go or not (I was also going through my 2nd m/c at the time). I ended up going and I'm so glad I did. It felt good to see her and just to be "a part of it" again.
But, thats just what I needed to help me. You may not need the same things I did. In the end, its really uo to you. I think your friend would understand if it was too hard. Just be true to your emotions. Best fo luck.

Maybe you can drop a gift off early maybe even the day before the party and visit with her a little while. Also you can go early and not stay long if you get too emotional but it could turn out like Jaime329 and you may find that things are not so bad and end up staying. But if you cannot even bare the thought of going then you should not go but still show support to your friend by taking the gist at another time...

i am close with my coworkers, so when one had a shower this jan. (had my m/c in dec.) i went. it was difficult because it just the 6 six coworkers and 2 of them brought their babies, while 2 were pregnant (guest of honor and hostess). all of them managed to take time out every so often to check how i was holding up. the unwrapping of presents was hard because of all the gushing - i remained silent the whole time while downing my glass of marguarita that the pregnant host made especially for me!!!!

now that same host is gonna have her shower tomorrow, once again i will be attending a shower that's not for me. and despite the fact that this person is due next month, one month ahead of my old due date, i'm still going because out of all my coworkers she has given me the most support - always asking how i'm coping and giving hope that one day my dreams of having a baby will come true. i admit that going to these showers has been difficult for me, especially because my due date is slowly approaching. i think in the end it depends on how supportive and understanding your friends are. if u truly feel u can't handle it, warn them that u might need to leave the room or leave period to avoid breaking down in front of them. or, if u chose not to go, then hopefully your friend will understand that her shower will be like rubbing salt in the wound. good luck.

My friend's baby shower is tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. Yesterday, I went shopping for the shower. She is having a girl. I was sourrounded by these cute little dresses and little socks, shoes etc. I kept on telling myself. It's okay, you will be here one day shopping for your own. I want to be a supportive friend, so I will do everything that a friend should do.

I wanted to add this to the previous reply. Sorry for you loss. I hope you will make the decision that's right for you. I can only give you my own experience and thought on the matter.