hey all... Hope the weekend finds you happy. At least as happy as you can be.

I'm Lutheran and am observing Good Friday today. Nothing out of the ordinary. Haven't been able to go to church much lately so I'm stoked to have the night off work so I can go tonite. Seems like I could use it more since the m/c but work has prevented me from getting there... typical story.

But all day I have had an overwhelming sense of peace... and it has led me to realize some things. And I figured I would share to anyone who cared.

I just get so down lately. I've been in a bad place where it seems nothing has been going right. From friends to finances... health and family... and I know I am not alone... with the way the economy is it seems like no one is happy anymore...

But then there is Joy... Joy is a woman who I went to church with when I was young. She is mentally handicapped (not sure what condition) but as a little girl I remember her sitting next to or near me and my mom on sunday mornings. I remember being a little afraid of her, as kids can be when faced with something unfamiliar, and shying away when she would approach me, all bright and cheery, "how you doin, girlfriend?!" As I grew up I became more sensitive to Joy's condition... Although as a teenager I didn't have much patience for her, she still won my heart from time to time. I remember she bought me my first lipstick when I was twelve, at my confirmation.

The years passed and I changed churches when I married my ex-husband. And every once in a while I found myself wondering about Joy. And then I would see her in the local Kmart and without missing a beat she would see me, smile (huge smile) and say "how you doin girlfriend?!"

I saw her the nite after I had my m/c. I went to the local Kmart and there she was. She doesn't look like she has aged, although I would say she is in her 70's now. She greeted me in her famous way and to be honest I felt like I did when I was a teenager... unresponsive to her happiness and wanting to wallow in my own self pity I responded "fine, fine... you?" and walked away as she answered... Saying "nice to see you again".

I felt awful for being so cruel.

Yesterday she came into the restaurant where I work and I waited on her and her sister. I was in a good mood yesterday for the most part and talked to Joy much. She hugged me and asked me all about life. And in between her sister was throwing in small details I never knew about Joy's plight. Her feet apparently have needed operations and special shoes because it has pained her just to walk all these years. This woman cannot drive and walked herself to church every sunday and to Kmart all the time... suddenly I was so amazed at her sunny demeanor all these years without ever telling anyone the things that bothered her. And when I asked how her feet were now she said "it's hard, but whatcha gonna do?"

She remembered me and my mom and told me to tell the whole family 'hi' and hugged me when she left. She is truly happy... even when things are bad. She gives more of herself to other people than I could ever do. And in her life there hasnt been much outside of that store and church.

I think every once in a while Joy comes back into my life when I need to be greeted with that big smile. Every time I need to seriously re-evaluate my life and count my blessings... there she is. I believe God sent her into this world to bring real joy to people... And who couldn't use a little Joy?

Just thought I would share. life gets so hard sometimes. It makes me sad to know how many people here are going through hard times, and the traumatic experience of losing a child. I just hope that you can find a little of the same peace I have. A little of that love for life again. I pray that you do. And hope that you all have a wonderful weekend. And a happy Easter if you celebrate it.