Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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Early Miscarriage and How to Feel?

mumsbutterfly
mumsbutterfly
Hi,
I have read many places that no one can tell me how to feel and what to feel after a MC....but I got a remark that other day that I could possibly not feel that bad as it was very early that I lost the baby (We think it was at 5 weeks that I have lost the baby).

But I really do feel hurt. So hurt that I cannot talk about what my MC horror story without feeling this endless big hole hurting inside me of me, so I am trying to avoid it for a while..... But how can my loss not be that bad if I did not even have the opportunity to see my babies heart beat, know how long I was along and know if it was a boy or girl....am I being over sensitive ?
irishwriter
irishwriter
no you are not being over sensitive. from the minute you know you are pregnant you can see your baby, visualise him/her and hold them in your arms. let nobody take the reality of that away from you. I saw a scan of one of my sons at six weeks into pregnancy and i could see the heart beating. his little heart! so strong. he survived. I lost his little sister at 16 weeks into pregnancy and people told me too i shouldn't be silly that it wasn't even a baby because i never saw the baby nor knew what it was but I named her kate and kept her in my heart for the past 28yrs and she will never be forgotten. it was not the right time for your child. I think it is a good idea to name him/her and maybe have a little memory box for the baby for you and your partner to always remember and allow yourself to grieve this very real loss. big hugs to you. it does get easier with time.
rjrnshan
rjrnshan
You are feeling normal. You are grieving, and you're just going to have to go through the process. Unfortunately, people often say hurtful things because they think they are helping us when we grieve. I think I would just avoid those people for now or explain that you just don't see it that way, and they are actually making you feel much worse. It's been one week since my m/c. To me, this child was real and was mine, and now I don't have them any more. I just can't try to see it any other way no matter how hard I tried.

I do suffer from depression, and I decided that I needed to see a psychologist just in case. She did not think I was overreacting and advised me to just grieve and not feel guilty or ashamed about it. If that other person even knew how painful this experience was, they just wouldn't go there :(
lsparks3
lsparks3
Your feelings are valid and completely 100% normal. Please do not feel like your feelings are an exaggeration. I lost my baby at 8 weeks thinking I was almost in the clear at 12 weeks. The pain I feel is unfathomable. We make plans for our unborn child,we name them, we imagine the rest of our life with them. To have that taken away is a pain that will never be forgotten. I named our baby Phoebe (We were pretty confident we were having a girl even that early on) and she will always be part of our lives and will always be my next child's sister.I hope you find peace and rest assured you are not alone and everything you are feeling is what your are supposed to feel.
Lucylu
Lucylu
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your life changes as soon as you have ur news that you're pregnant. I lost at 11 weeks and I'll feel that loss for the rest of my days. The grief is a grief that only couples who've lost a child can understand . Take every day as it comes your baby is watching over you x