Hello sweetheart. I am so sorry for everything you are going though. I was 21 when I got pregnant. I wasn't ready to have a baby what so ever. I had a horrible boy friend, just lost my job and was living in my grandma's house with like 10 other people. It was a bad situation but I think that things would have gotten better if my baby had lived and my life would have been so different. After my miscarriage. I started cutting again. I was totally numb. I started stealing and I have never stole before. A lot of people left from my life too.
There isn't anything you done wrong and it wasn't your fault. You are a mom and you always will be to your little angel.
That pain is always going to be there. Talking about it helps. Also getting little things with your baby's name on it helps a lot too.
There's a place http://www.rememberingourbabies.net

I am so very sorry for what you went through and continue to go through. Our stories actually are very similar. I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant. The only person I told I was pregnant was the father of the baby. I never told my family, mainly cause of the way I was raised and knew the trouble and judgement I would face from it. To this day they still don't know. Only about 3 people actually know what happened Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I had a miscarriage. I suffered through it alone. (The father wasn't around much after he found out I was pregnant.) About a month or two later I went off the deep end. I had suffered from depression before I was pregnant and self-harmed before then but had gotten better. After I lost the baby I was severally depressed and went back to self-harming. I often would flip out for no reason at all (still do on rare occasion.) I continued going to school doing my normal routine but silently suffering. I had a few friends that talked me down from suicide a few times and the helped me get better. I asked my self why all the time then and I still ask it. I did everything by the book did alot of reading on what to do and not to do but in the end it wasn't enough. I know it was probably for the best being as I was so young but I still wonder. It still hurts alot. I still fight a uphill battle with my depression and more then likely always will. I struggle watching and seeing all these pregnant women and their babies. I actually had a friend that was pregnant around the same time as me and she had a healthy little girl. I screamed at the sky one late night why me? Why not her? Why did she get to have her baby and mine had to die. I still question that. This week has been extremely hard as this is the week I lost my baby. No one that knows understands the guilt and pain and emptiness. Someday we will see our babies again but for now we just have to struggle through. These things are no one's fault we did nothing wrong it just happened. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me.

I really appreciate all the kind words. I went through a deep depression and I am still fighting it. It's like I have a huge hole in my heart. When I think about my child I get this feeling in my stomach like I have never had until than. My life may have been for the better for me but for my child life would have sucked. I am not saying I would have been a bad Mom but I would not be able to afford anything for my child. It ain't easy facing it alone when you have no one. Even now I am alone in this battle.