Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
I am new to this group. I'm searching for a place to fit in. I've had two miscarriages in the last 6 months. First was september 1, 2013 and the last was just this weekend. I am fortunate to have a 15 year old son and a 6 year old daughter who I love with all my heart. My husband and I decided to try for another the beginning of last year. That unfortunaly ended in my first miscarriage. We were both left heartbroken! And telling our kids made it so much harder! I decided I really wanted to give it another try and happily found out in Jan that I was pregnant again. I was so happy but so scared it would happen again. Which it did! I am so crushed!! We didn't tell anyone this time. And my husband didn't really get attached to the idea of me really being pregnant. So the loss isn't as hard on him this time! For me its worse. I feel mad at myself for putting myself through this again. I feel alone because nobody understands how I feel. I don't know how to function. April 2 would have been when I would have gave birth to the first one.I also have a sister in law that will be giving birth next month. Its just so hard to think that should be me!! I always said I would be done having babies when I turned 35. But I desperatly want a baby!! I already have depression and this has amplified it!!! I just don't know if I could handle another loss!! I would love to hear your opinions on how you feel about trying again after your losses and when to say enough is enough. I'm just at such a loss!! I'm truly sorry for all of your losses! Its comforting to know that I'm really not alone in this! Thank you all for sharing your lives with us!
I don't know how I can advise you for the future though. I know how scared I'll be when I'm pregnant again, it would be so much worse for a 3rd time. Maybe take a break to grieve and help deal with your depression first? Maybe see a grief councilor? And after a certain length or time when you feel a bit stronger maybe decide if you want to try and get pregnant again?
All the best for the future, I hope after such a hard time thing just get better and better from now on. You'll be in my prayers x
I wanted to tell you I am so sorry for your losses. I too am at a loss over my losses.
And I can also relate because I have a living child (she'll be 8 years old this month) yet there is still so much heartache with miscarriage.
And you said it so right...most people do not understand.
I'm glad you found this site because it is a very close-knit group of women. And I am hoping you feel as supported on here as many of us have felt.
My husband and I experienced our third miscarriage in December. They all happened within one year's time.
I can also relate to the anniversaries/would be due dates being so very, very difficult. I have a history of depression as well.
We kept TTC after the first two losses....but after this most recent one...seeing the baby's heartbeat and then finding out a week later that she died...it is very difficult to know whether or not to move forward with this process.
We feel similar to what you are describing. Not sure if we can emotionally handle another loss.
Yet also feeling "at a loss" because we still want to have a baby.
Have you seen a Dr. who can test you for common causes of miscarriages? Occasionally these tests will reveal something that can be treated and help your chance of a healthy pregnancy in the future.
For us, we don't have much in the way of options. I test negative for all the common causes of recurrent pregnancy loss. So there are a lot of question marks for us right now.
It is scary to think of trying again. Like anxiety riddled, crippling fear. But there is also sadness to think of calling it quits on this journey.
So I can relate to your mix of emotions and difficulty.
I agree with stepbystep123....to do something special for your baby on April 2nd. Make that day all your own and honor your baby in whatever way resonates for you.
Some women plant a tree. Or write a tribute to your baby.
Be extra good to yourself during this time. I have spent most of my life being a perfectionist and having unrealistic expectations of myself and miscarriage has made me realize......I need to do whatever I need to do to heal. As much self-help as that requires. There is no such thing as too much, in my book.
I go for acupuncture weekly. I see a mind/body therapist weekly.
So right now I am just trying to emotionally recover, as best I can. There is not really a "getting over it" more of a learning to live with.
The first month I would say we were in shock and just starting to come back to life/reintegrate after our most recent loss.
There are still difficult days.
Just take one day at a time....one moment of a time to give yourself as much time you need to grieve.
I started reading a really good book called Grieving Mindfully.
It talks about how grieving is a very natural extension to the ability to love. It is not a sign of weakness or something you should "stop" and "get over".
It is a sign of our ability to love.
Hugs to you.
Since we had our daughter....the likelihood was low. But what if she was that 1 out of miracle? So for peace of mind, we did the test (it's just a blood test for both partners).
I can't remember what the entire recurrent miscarriage panel entails....but it does test thyroid and for diabetes and also clotting disorders and autoimmune issues as I mentioned earlier.
I also had a saline ultrasound done to rule out a structural abnormality.
Even though I had my daughter..he said it's POSSIBLE (unlikely but possible) that she implanted in a good spot in my uterus and that I could have this issue. So again, for peace of mind, I had the test. It was relatively painless (not the same as the dye test which can be painful I've heard).
When we last spoke with him.....unfortunately he doesn't have answers. He said they are seeing more and more of these cases where women have living children and then go on to have recurrent miscarriages. And he said unfortunately the field is rather ignorant/primitive in this area....and they don't have all the answers yet.
He said he reviewed my records from when I started seeing him 2 years ago and nothing stands out as an answer. All 3 of my miscarriages have been very different. The first was at 9 weeks and was what they call a blighted ovum. The second ended at 2 days shy of 5 weeks (very early). And the most recent one....I was 8 weeks and the baby was behind in growth and her heart rate was slow.....then got slower...and then stopped :(
We had genetic testing done for this last pregnancy (they did testing after the D&C) and the baby had normal chromosomes.
Usually they find that most early miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues (which is more common with older aged moms---I'm 40)....but here her chromosomes were normal.
It is so hard not having answers.
And not knowing if there will be more heartache on this journey.
I do have a friend whose story I like to repeat. She had a miscarriage. Then she had her son (he's now 16). Then several years later she tried to have a second child. And she had 3 or 4 miscarriages. One was through IVF--the embryos didn't make it to transfer. The others were naturally conceived....and ended in miscarriage. One ended at 12 weeks...the baby had had a heartbeat and everything was fine prior to then.
She was now about 38 years old. And she was in early menopause. So the dr. started recommending donor eggs based on this and based on having so many losses.
She was considering it but was taking some time off from the whole journey to heal somewhat.
And a couple months later she was having GI issues. Eventually she went to see the dr. and I'm not sure why pregnancy wasn't suspected, but it wasn't.
So they were doing an ultrasound to check for a gallbladder issue and guess what? 16 weeks pregnant :)
She had just so given up on pregnancy even being a possibility and maybe as her brain's effort to shield from more pain---that she didn't even consider that her stomach/GI issues could be due to pregnancy symptoms.
That 16 week pregnancy is now a healthy 8 year old girl.
I know everyone's story doesn't end this way. But some do.
And there are a couple other similar stories that I know of.
It's so hard not having a crystal ball.
And yeah maybe it's unlikely that you would test positive for anything since you have two living children.
But if it eases your mind at all...try a second opinion....usually a reproductive endocrinologist (fertility dr.) would be particularly helpful in this area.
I think whst's worst is that an mc is do taboo, people don't talk about it an expect you heal as fast emotionnaly as the physical side.
Take all the time you need and try to find someone to talk too. DS really helped me. I hope it can do the same for you.