Hi everyone, I wrote this tonight when I can't sleep and I'm getting mad about all the lack of understanding. It's my rant to the world. I'm getting so sick of people, I feel like posting this on facebook just to see what kind of responses I get.

1001 Reasons why miscarriage sucks:

Because you were ready to love this child and give them everything. Now you still love them completely, but they are no longer there, so there is nothing you can do for them. Usually, you can't even plan a funeral for them.

Because you have to fight the whole world to affirm that your child matters. Everywhere you go, people will tell you subtly or not-so-subtly that they don't consider your child a person and they don't consider her life real. This is most especially true for the earliest miscarriages and the youngest lives.

Because it's not as though your life was just going on as usual, then something bad happens. It's not as though you are just walking down the street and you suddenly fall and break your leg. Instead, your life is changed dramatically when you learn you are pregnant, then shortly afterwards it changes dramatically again when the baby dies---it's really two huge life events coming so close together they are treated as one event. It's like you get lifted up to a great height only so the fall can be that much more painful. Sometimes you never get to fully celebrate the child who was in your life in the first place. It's just considered a mistake or a failed attempt.

Because everywhere you go, you see flyers, billboards, announcements on facebook, parties...all celebrating pregnancy and telling you that pregnant women matter. Where have you seen anything public saying that no-longer-pregnant women matter? We are invisible and ignored.

Because there is an entire holiday celebrating mothers and motherhood. But have you ever heard anyone in public talk about miscarriage? About the worth of babies that are lost? Have you ever heard anyone acknowledge that parents who lose their child in pregnancy are still parents (especially if it's their first)?

Because "life begins at conception" is used as a political slogan to bash women, not as a compassionate way to honor lives that are lost.

Because even in churches that claim to believe this, there is no procedure in place for helping parents who miscarry. No one talks about it. No one knows what to do.

Because the body of the baby was not visible to the world, and most people only place importance on the material facts: How large was the foetus? How many weeks were you? How can you miss someone you never 'met'? They believe that if you never see the baby, you never knew her. Unless you believe in a soul, there is no language to talk about the worth of a child not yet born.

Because people flaunt their successes and hide their failures. Because miscarriage is so very common, but no one talks about it.

Because every single time, the grieving parents have to bring up the topic on their own. People feel uncomfortable, so after a while it's easier just to stop talking. One conversation is all you will have with most people. They never check up again.

Because people think it's an unfortunate event that happened, but is now in the past. Because they don't understand that for the grieving parent it goes on and on. Every day is a day your child would have lived, but now will never live.

Because we no longer wear black or have any outward sign to show we are mourning.

Because only the parents are sad about the actual child that died. With every other death there are friends and family members who can remember and grieve together. With this death, the parents are alone.

Because people say idiotic things like "you can always have another one." Would anyone dream of saying 'you can always find another husband' or 'you can always make another best friend'? Because before birth, people assume that babies are interchangeable.

Because the message people send is "what's wrong with you for caring?", not "what's wrong with the world that it doesn't care?"