Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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What to do...

lina2008
lina2008
My mother in law, she just really doesn't get it!

Yesterday she comes over for dinner and almost as soon as we sit down to eat she starts on with "I know you probably don't want to hear about Lara" (my Dh's very pregnant cousin) so I just kind of fidget a little uncomfortably but say nothing else and she goes on... well I saw her the other day and well you know she is almost due and anyway, she was telling me how she misses you both so much (this is the woman who started giggling when she saw me a few days after I lost my baby and she found out she was pregnant...) and oh its such a pity you haven't seen her and blah blah blah blah.

I wanted to yell at her and tell her to SHUT THE HELL UP! I don't care how Lara is feeling, I don't care that she "misses us" (more like wants to rub it in our face) and no I don't want to see her!

why oh why won't she just let me be! why is it that EVERY TIME I speak to her she has to bring BLOODY LARA UP!

I'm sick of it, I'm hurting so bad and no one and I mean no one understands
mrsbank329
mrsbank329
I completely understand about the mother-in-law thing. Mine is a TOTAL pain in the ass. Thank god she didn't know I was pregnant (I was only 8 weeks and only a few people knew) because I know she would be ALL OVER ME about it. I think the only way to get to shut up about Lara is to outright tell her that you're still grieving and REALY don't want to hear about it (like she said before going on about her..)
As far as Lara goes, I can't believe that a person would laugh at your loss being so happy about her own pregnancy. I would want nothing to do with her either. My DH's cousin is also pregnant (but fortunately for me lives far away and we don't have much contact with her) and my SIL is pregnant too, due right around when I conceived in May.
I know it feels like no one understands, but trust me, all of us in the miscarriage support group do understand, and everyone is here for you when you need it. That's what we're here for :-)
-Claire
deleted_user
deleted_user
I feel you! My DH doesn't get it! He has to make sure to let me know everytime one of our friends finds out they are expecting. God bless him, but no matter how much I try to expliain it to him he just doesn't understand. He thinks I should be happy and gleaming with excitment for every pregnant person in the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, but I don't want to hear about it.

What I would do in your situation is just be honest with your MIL. Most likely (unless she has suffered a m/c) she won't get it either, but at least you've shared how it makes you feel and hopefully she'll back off. Good luck and I pray for continued healing for you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have found that people can be very insensitive at times My MIL is a piece of work sometimes. When we were first going through infertilty, she told me"maybe you guys weren't made to be parents, but really great Aunts & Uncles" Now she thought she was being comforting, but she wasn't. I never told her about my MC, I had my husband do that, I didn't really want to hear what she had to say. My suggestion to you is to tell your MIL that you do not want to here about Lara's pregnancy anymore. If she doesn't listen and brings it up again, change the subject or get up and walk away. People always want everyone one else to be respectful, but they don't do the same. Another thing is tell her how hurtful it is that she brings it up to you.
About Lara, anyone who laughs at someone about a MC is a very hurtful and disrespectful person and doesn't deserve your time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I kinda understand what you mean. My mother (everytime I talk to her) tends to let me know how her miscarrages went and what she went thru and blah blah blah. It go to the point that I refuse to hear it. I told my husband "For once in my life, can't something be about ME." This is all about me and she just wants to talk about her experience. Sometimes people are a little insensitive when they mean well.
deleted_user
deleted_user
my mom keeps saying things like, "Oh wow - I just never realized people had trouble having babies. It was just so easy for us back in the day..." I'm very thankful that my mother never had the pain of a m/c but it's just not helpful to hear about how easy it was. I've now had as many pregnancies as my mother, but have no babies.

I wish there was a button you could use to just fast-forward through the well-meaning but not-remotely-helpful comments.