I am in the same boat as you. Had a miscarriage in October, and my best friend has just got pregnant, we were 20 days apart. So after seeing her be happy and planning her baby shower, it is easy to get angry, especially when she complains all the time about how she feels.

My sister also broke the news that she was pregnant (her due date was 20 days after mine). And then just two days ago my maid of honor in my wedding told me she was pregnant.

She is the kindest person in the world and deserves it, but I am angry. I deserve one too... or so I thought.

It is hard to be happy for someone that has everything you want. I don't have much advice for you, as I am angry too.

Just know... you are not alone.

I think the anger is SO natural and we are conditioned to feel guilty about it. I'm angry at everyone - I'm angry at God, angry at every pregnant woman I see, every couple that has a newborn, my sis for having AWESOME insurance that will cover any infertility problems she has. You name it, I'm angry. I know anger only hurts the person who carries it around but I'm going to experience this until I'm dayum good and ready not to.

I'm sorry you are at work and can't express yourself. I hope when you do have alone time you are able to take advantage of it and scream, cry bawl your eyes out. And I know how this just takes over EVERYTHING, I wake up and it's the first thing on my mind, I try to sleep and the whole ordeal just replays over and over in my head.

I can't say what your outcome is, what any of our outcomes will be but I hope you'll find a way to be good to yourself. I hope we all get a happy ending sooner than later and know you aren't alone.

And on a side note, twins aren't always what they are cracked up to be. My inlaws had a set and they had to do tons of monitoring to make sure one doesn't outgrow the other and take up too much space. You have a higher risk of something moving when/where it's not supposed to and tearing an umbilical cord or wrapping in around where it shouldn't. And not all women can carry them to term, my inlaws went into labor 7-8 weeks early, delivered and then spent 3 weeks in NICU with minor breathing problems, and other assorted ailments. They actually got off easy - I've heard of other scarier stories. Maybe that little tid bit will help the anger/jealousy a little. One healthy baby is a GREAT option.

I hope your husband will be willing to try again and your marriage won't suffer. I know my dad didn't want kids but my mom talked him into it and he LOVED us.

@Jackielj22:
Thank you for sharing your feelings with me, im sorry you feel the way i do coz i wouldnt wish it upon anyone. I thought i was just angry, but upon reading your post i realise im jealous. Im so ashamed of myself. We do deserve happiness and i believe we will get our bundles of joy one day. Its just very hard to put on a mask when no one and i mean NO ONE understands how we feel inside. Woman are so emotional and sensative as it is...

@polydoly13
You make so much sense, it is a natural reaction but the guilt is so shameful. Im sorry your hurting, from your story i can tell you have to put up with much more "masking' than i. I only have to hide my feelings from my one friend (who is expecting to give birth TODAY), the other, she immigrated to NZ last year early August so at least the only form of communication is via FB and thats easy to fake emotion. I wish them all the best. Just want a lil good luck and baby dust to come my way. But then again im also afraid coz the last time i wished for that, i had to go through 12 weeks of bleeding, an evac which was painful and days of crying. So traumatising for anyone.
Although i hate to admit it, its the only thing on my mind too. Thanks for the insight about twins. It did make me feel tons better.

I hope and trust both you ladies are blessed with miracles. when are you due to try again?

We have been trying since November. 4 Months so far. So I really shouldn't be upset, but it's hard because the first time it took us one month. I just wish to be pregnant by the time my friend has her baby.. and mothers day... I know those times will be hard.

Our doc said we could try again after skipping one cycle, my first cycle was in Dec, so we've tried 3 times, I'm 6 dpo from our 3rd try, hoping this one sticks, but since it took us 13 tries the 1st time, I try not to get my hopes up, but that is SO hard. And then last night for some reason hubby asked if I wanted a baby as bad as him. He's not usually so open about stuff, especially at random times, so it took me by surprise. It was REALLY sweet. And I told him I want it worse for him than for me. I don't know why but I really want to give this to him. Maybe because his family is less than great and I'd like him to have a better home environment, I had another reason why but I just forgot it.......

And I am in the same boat as you, for as much as I want to get pregnant again, it scares the ever livin hell outta me. I will be an absolute WRECK for every doctors appt, I will expect the worst and probably be close to panic attacks before each heartbeat check/ultrasound. Hubby asked me many times if I really wanted to try again, he figured that once this happened one time, I'd be finished. But then again if it didn't hurt so bad, to tell me how much I really wanted it, then I probably would give up.

I can so relate to what you've posted. Before I got pregnant with my twins I'd misscarried, and, tried for years. My sister in law got pregnant three times and had three kids. On her third pregnancy I couldnt even talk to her. My issue, not hers.
I went on to have three beautiful healthy children though I never believed I could or would. I tell you this as it really was a dark and horrible time for me for years....
Don't give up. You will have a child. The more you can nurture yourself in the meantime, the better. The other stuff just doesnt help.
I had an eptopic pregnancy rupture last month and came close to bleeing to death.
My best friend has a 2 month old and even with my three miracle children I felt myself resenting her...UGH.
Today I'm present in my life for what I have. Every day we get to be alive is a miracle. I couldnt figure out why I had to get pregnant again, get hopeful, then lose not only my child but almost my life and have my tubes removed. Why? I guess so I'm reminded to be grateful? Because today I am.

Good luck. You will be a mom. You already are!

Ladies, i pray that each and everyone of you find your happy ending. Your all beautful souls and we dont deserve heartache. We just have to believe we will find our happy endings.
Love, light and baby dust x

i'm not in your specific shoes, i think that's important to acknowledge, but i do know how it feels to lose a baby and have your best friend pregnant at the same time. i have to say that i love my dear friend so much that it was very healing for me to support her and take true joy in her journey. don't get me wrong, i've been angry too, but i keep it private. like one time i was grieving and a little envious so i punched my mattress until i couldn't anymore. it was a good way to vent and no one was affected. i had my own little tantrum. gotta let it out in a healthy way. i also found that dancing like a nut to lenny kravitz, gonna go my way, song was cleansing..... LOL H U G :0)