Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
Hello,
I am new to the miscarriage group. I found out on Thursday that my 10 week old baby doesn't have a heartbeat and is only measuring at 9 weeks.
I am scheduled for a d&c on Tuesday. They asked if we wanted chromosome testing done.
As this is my first viable pregnancy after 2 ivf cycles and a fet cycle, my RE already had myself and my husband tested to see if we are carries for the most common genetic chromosomal abnormalities. My OB says the likelihood of the results coming back with anything definitive is slim. The only reason to have the test done would be to know the sex.
My concern is that, by finding out the sex, will it be harder to heal emotionally and I will be torturing myself with thoughts for years to come..
I envision myself seeing baby stuff and thinking "oh I could have bought that if he/she had survived." And years from now seeing another child that might have looked like our child and still having these thoughts.
Does anyone have any advice?
I am new to the miscarriage group. I found out on Thursday that my 10 week old baby doesn't have a heartbeat and is only measuring at 9 weeks.
I am scheduled for a d&c on Tuesday. They asked if we wanted chromosome testing done.
As this is my first viable pregnancy after 2 ivf cycles and a fet cycle, my RE already had myself and my husband tested to see if we are carries for the most common genetic chromosomal abnormalities. My OB says the likelihood of the results coming back with anything definitive is slim. The only reason to have the test done would be to know the sex.
My concern is that, by finding out the sex, will it be harder to heal emotionally and I will be torturing myself with thoughts for years to come..
I envision myself seeing baby stuff and thinking "oh I could have bought that if he/she had survived." And years from now seeing another child that might have looked like our child and still having these thoughts.
Does anyone have any advice?
We really wanted boys when we first started trying. I think hubby is scared of girls, he's such a man's man. But after our miscarriage, he told me he didn't care what we had, he just wanted a healthy baby.
We never really sat down to "speculate" what we lost as far as boy or girl. And now that you raise this question, for me anyways, I'm glad I don't know. I grieve my baby, we nicknamed it "Pedro" so maybe in our mind it was already a boy. It's hard enough for us to wrap our minds around our loss much less contemplate any more what if's. I know that alot of women on here have found out, whether it was because they were farther along in their pregnancy or they just had the option of the chromosomal testing. They have found comfort in naming their child. But that is all a personal decision.
For me, I mourn my baby, didn't matter if it was a boy or girl, we wanted it, we love it, I'm ok not knowing a gender, it doesn't change my love or my loss.