Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
Hello...I am so sorry everyone is going through what we are going through.
I just joined this group....I had a missed miscarriage and needed a D&C.....and now 17 days post D&C and seems like I may not be able to put this behind me and heal physically & emotionally...
At 43 yrs old this was my one and only pregnancy...was always told I could not have kids. In 2009 I had an endometrial ablation due to heavy periods and thought it best since I would not get pregnant....
So as you can imaging, when I found out I was my wonderful boyfriend and I were shocked! I was worried from day 1, knowing the dangers of pregnancy after ablation, my age, and having a Lupus related illness (mixed connective tissue disease) not much was on my side. But I wanted this baby and decieded to take it day by day. My first US showed a fetal pole measuring 6wks 5days and a very slow HR of 90bpm. Three days later (on 2nd opinion) had a repeat u/s with no heartbeat. U/s were one for the next three weeks as I wanted to be sure...my baby never grew from the first u/s measurement of 6wks 5 days and no fetal HB was seen/heard again. I had my D&C on 3/8/13. My HCG numbers were always high..at 88,000 when I had the D&C.
Last Thursday 3/21/13 I went for my 2 week check up. He said that the pathology report showed NO FETAL TISSUE! He is worried and thinks a 2nd D&C may be necessary. He said that it could have been missed due to the condition of my lining since having the ablation??? I had blood drawn for HCG and he wants me to go in once a week for blood draws for HCG to be sure it is dropping. Today I called (he is not in) and they said my HCG is 46,000!!!!! Shouldnt it have dropped below 2,000? I could have understood if it was 5,000 being no fetal tissue was found but 46,000 scares me for a partial molar pregnancy. I know I have to wait to talk to my doctor but I just want to vent and see if anyone can offer me, advise or info..I thought this would be behind me and Id be able to heal now.I am feeling very sad and angry and almost have a lost feeling as no-one can really identify. Figuring out how to heal will be rough as I cannot ttc again..I wish I could but it is too dangerous for me and a child with my history. The fact that I got pregnant at all is an enigma as my doc and two nurses put it.
Since the D&C I had very minimal bleeding bled light for 3 days then bleeding stopped, then a few days later I would have brown discharge of old blood for 1-2 days then change to bright red when I wipe only then a day later no bleeding..strange! As of today, not a trace.
Thanks for taking the time to read thisany info/advise will help.
Laura
I just joined this group....I had a missed miscarriage and needed a D&C.....and now 17 days post D&C and seems like I may not be able to put this behind me and heal physically & emotionally...
At 43 yrs old this was my one and only pregnancy...was always told I could not have kids. In 2009 I had an endometrial ablation due to heavy periods and thought it best since I would not get pregnant....
So as you can imaging, when I found out I was my wonderful boyfriend and I were shocked! I was worried from day 1, knowing the dangers of pregnancy after ablation, my age, and having a Lupus related illness (mixed connective tissue disease) not much was on my side. But I wanted this baby and decieded to take it day by day. My first US showed a fetal pole measuring 6wks 5days and a very slow HR of 90bpm. Three days later (on 2nd opinion) had a repeat u/s with no heartbeat. U/s were one for the next three weeks as I wanted to be sure...my baby never grew from the first u/s measurement of 6wks 5 days and no fetal HB was seen/heard again. I had my D&C on 3/8/13. My HCG numbers were always high..at 88,000 when I had the D&C.
Last Thursday 3/21/13 I went for my 2 week check up. He said that the pathology report showed NO FETAL TISSUE! He is worried and thinks a 2nd D&C may be necessary. He said that it could have been missed due to the condition of my lining since having the ablation??? I had blood drawn for HCG and he wants me to go in once a week for blood draws for HCG to be sure it is dropping. Today I called (he is not in) and they said my HCG is 46,000!!!!! Shouldnt it have dropped below 2,000? I could have understood if it was 5,000 being no fetal tissue was found but 46,000 scares me for a partial molar pregnancy. I know I have to wait to talk to my doctor but I just want to vent and see if anyone can offer me, advise or info..I thought this would be behind me and Id be able to heal now.I am feeling very sad and angry and almost have a lost feeling as no-one can really identify. Figuring out how to heal will be rough as I cannot ttc again..I wish I could but it is too dangerous for me and a child with my history. The fact that I got pregnant at all is an enigma as my doc and two nurses put it.
Since the D&C I had very minimal bleeding bled light for 3 days then bleeding stopped, then a few days later I would have brown discharge of old blood for 1-2 days then change to bright red when I wipe only then a day later no bleeding..strange! As of today, not a trace.
Thanks for taking the time to read thisany info/advise will help.
Laura
As far as the amount of bleeding you had post D&C, it actually sounds very similar to mine. The point of a D&C is to get everything out and not have much bleeding, but there are some women who do bleed more than others. I guess I wouldn't necessarily worry about that part.
Has he offered to do an ultrasound before just doing a 2nd D&C? I have heard that can be standard practice, he should be able to look and see if there is any tissue left in your uterus.
And technically I think everyones body drops their hcg levels differently, that's why some women cycle and start AF within a few weeks and others take 2-3 months to start again.
I'm sorry you have to deal with these questions on top of everything else, but if it were me I'd continue the blood tests and ask for the ultrasound before doing another D&C. And please let me know if I can help out anymore. I haven't been on this journey very long (we lost our first in Nov) but I'm more than willing to be an ear or a shoulder.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so heart broken for you. I just had to write to you. I know it is hard to relive the story, but therapeutic at the same time.
I felt your every emotion as I read through the ups and then the downs. The wonderful surprise that this pregnancy was and then the terrible loss. There aren't words for it.
As for the medical aspect....my hcg didn't get as high as yours. It was 18,000. I had laparoscopic surgery & a D&C on 12/12/12. B/c they suspected ectopic because of something new that showed up on u/s that day even though the dr. said his gut feeling was that it wasn't ectopic. But they didn't want to take chances. In the end, it wasn't ectopic.
But it was uncertain at first. Because the samples from my uterus that they kept sending down to the lab---kept coming back as non-pregnancy tissue :(
That was upsetting to hear when I woke up.
Even though we had seen the gestational sac all along in the uterus on u/s But apparently sometimes there can be a pseudo sac and the real pregnancy can be elsewhere.
They then did further testing on the uterine samples (I imagine it's something like the rapid strep test vs. the culture that doesn't produce results for a couple days) and a couple days later it was confirmed that the pregnancy had been in my uterus all along.
But no heartbeat, etc. and I was 9 weeks.
No matter what the one thing I do know is that it does take a while for the hcg to drop. Yours was so high...to me going from 88,000 to 46,000 is a significant drop.
Mine went from 18,000 to 6,000 within 12 hours of the surgery. But it was a slow descent thereafter. Maybe 1,000 by the next week. I had to keep going back to get rechecked, which as you know just adds to the emotions.
To the point where I couldn't stand going through this anymore. So after 4 or so weeks after the surgery, I took a hpt and it was finally negative (It had still been positive 3 weeks post-surgery).
No one should have to go through what all of us have been through.
I'm just so sorry for what you are going through.
I can relate to the lost feeling. Our loss occurred right around the holidays and we felt completely disconnected from the world during what was supposed to be the hap hap happiest time of the year.
As for the post D&C bleeding...mine was minimal too like what you describe. Mostly brown blood. And it would taper, then it would seem like it was going to start up again in a day or two with some red but then it would rapidly taper again to brown and that went on for 14 days before it stopped.
Exactly 28 days after the D&C I got my first period. And it was the heaviest i've ever experienced in my life. Extremely heavy and lasted long too.
Each successive one has gotten more and more "normal".
I like polydoly13's advice to ask for an ultrasound before letting them rush you into another D&C. If that's an option--if it's something they can assess through ultrasound.
Foremost, you are in my thoughts during this extremely difficult time.
~Kelly
Today, my worries are on me and my heart and my mind.....it really is taking it's toll. I can go round, and round, and round in my head for a reason and never get the answer...having a very hard time with the thoughts & emotions when I am alone. Being around others (people who don't know) and chatting about other things, and even laughing it up (which is shocking and makes me feel a little guilty) has been imaginably easy for me....a coping mechanism; my little 'mask'? Perhaps.
When I am alone, like at work, driving (an hr to wk and 11/2 to my boyfriends (Mike's) I cannot shut my thoughts off and the last few days, my tears fall - about everything. And a little work stress feels like a HUGE problem. I actually had two anxiety/panic attacks in the past week, at least that is what my GP thinks it is. SUPER SCARY! She gave me a very low dose xanex and tried it for the first time today and my thoughts feel clearer and not going 200mph....lol.....but seriously I have never had anything effect me this way (even having gone through a divorce)...sometimes I feel Just nuts! :(
Mike and I live far apart - a LD relationship.....I'm there 3-4 days a week and when I am with him, I am at my best. He is wonderful, loving and so supporting but he was extemely scared for me because of the morbid complications that come with post ablation pregnancy.....Like i said we were SHOCKED! I told him I was sterile...and funny we went on vacation New Years week to romantic Lake Placid and he brought up, "do you think we should use protection? (chuckled) i know it's been two years and you cant have kids but crazier things have happened and I know how dangerous it would be for you and that is what scares me" I said we are fine....never conceived, EVER even with a 16 yr marriage......well my friends, i most defiantly got pregnant on that vacation.
So sorry for that dragged out story on my 'mental/emotional' state but it has become such a huge issue.
I have been doing a lot of reading about 'no fetal tissue' from D&C and it seems it happens, though rare. Poly - I have heard about the US before a second D&C and will def be asking for one. I am thinking about asking for a hysteroscopy prior to the D&C so he can see exactly where the tissue is. Because of the ablation, placenta accrecia is a huge possibility in pergnancy and I did read that it can begin to invade the uterine wall early 1st term. Perhaps this is what my DR is thinking could be the case.
I go for another count tomorrow to see if it is still dropping. I have discussed with my dr that because of the ablation dangers, my age, and my auto immune disease I should have permanent contraception.....i don't think it's fair for another little struggling soul to do through a dimise knowing my chances of carrying past 20weeks to a viable week is extremely slim. I believe in my heart, this is the right thing to do :(
I really wanted my little miracle......I always recall women(family) telling me that you just know when your pregnant, how there is an inner knowing and feeling you get. How your senses are so heightened and all the other stuff....and even though I had never been pregnant before - i knew it, even before I took my HPT. :)
I got to experience that gift! And my Mom gave me the most WONDERFUL advise since my short pregnancy began at very high risk and so scary the whole time through...my Mom called me one nigh and told me to ask God to help me to just be happy...for my baby to know I was happy even though I was scared......and by the grace of God I did that for part of the time, even when there was no HBeat, I talked to me little one, loving her (I think a girl) letting her know while I hope for a miracle, that may not happen, I know one day I will see her and know her...even in Heaven she is my baby.
I am a Mommy, and that is a miracle in itself......and that is a BEAUTIFUL thing.
I'm so grateful for sites as these, where people can identify with you and share in your feelings. We are all lucky to have each other.
I hope the road proves to be less rocky for us all.......
Sorry if this was too long......I know I blabbered a lot; needed to get things out :)
I am on the "older" side for TTC and hubby has slow swimmers, so the odds aren't really on our side, but we do have the possibility of a better outcome than you do, so that might even make my journey a little easier. We are able to hope for a different outcome, whereas you face the inevitable answer of never having another chance. I don't say any of that out of meanness, just trying to be realistic and hope to maybe forewarn you that this could be alot longer recovery than you expect.
For me it is a complete roller coaster, an ebb and flow if you will. After the shock wore off, then there's the crashing down of emotions, sadness, guilt, denial, anger. I will say that after 4 months it's less dramatic of a ride, there are more and more good days clumped together but I know that there will be bad days. Sometimes I wake up knowing what kind of day it will be, other days there is something that triggers me to swing one way or the other. Unfortunately, the trigger is usually to ruin my day and it's usually in public, so I have to really work at containing myself.
Some other things I've learned are that men move on faster than we do. They never deal with the physical part, they don't have the monthly reminder, but that doesn't mean that don't hurt, miss what could have been or provide a great shoulder to cry on. Use your boyfriend when you need him - let this bring you closer together in your healing. But also realize that he will never be in the same place as you and when you need more or different, come back here. In 1 month, 1 year, 10 years, come back, I've seen all sorts of women come in here, still needing support. This is your journey, it will take as long as it's going to take, don't let anyone dictate that for you. I kinda wrappd a 2nd lesson in there too. See I can babble also.
You're on the right path. And I'm sorry it's a path any of us have to take. I also hope I didn't offend but I'm not going to sugar coat this, this is a life changing, character changing, possibly one of the top 5 hardest things a woman/couple can ever go through. I'm no where near done with my grief, my journey, but I've learned so much so far that I want to share it. It also helps me continue to heal.
Come back and babble away anytime.