I'm so sorry for your loss and what your OB said about possibly more losses than may not have been realized. Did your OB give you any indication as to why she thinks that you have had several early miscarriages? If that is the case, then what might be the cause? I think the unknowns of this would be haunting as you try to figure out what might be going on and why; and then wondering if you need to grieve for other losses. I think that would be overwhelming.

Hopefully your OB can provide the answers you need. Mine seemed so apathetic and distant that I am trying to find another one to get answers from. It is hard facing all of this, but I think it will be less haunting with more information.

My due date is fast approaching - October 14th, which is also my husband's birthday - and I have felt a heavier and heavier weight on my shoulders too as the time approaches. I was actually expecting to have my baby at the end of September figuring that the arrival would be early so I have been extra grieving for the past week. I am sorry that you are going through this too.

I think this is one of the hardest things that someone could go through and I don't think that it helps that there are no built in rituals in our society that we can default to in order to find closure. Also, it doesn't help that so many have no understanding of the pain that is suffered and don't know what to do or say to help - even when they want to do something .

However, I am grateful for sites such as these and for support groups in general. It is good to be around people who have gone through this and who understand what we are going through.

After being on this site for awhile, it is clear to me that even though we didn't have any service in April, when this happened, we still need to have some kind of ceremony and goodbye - I have not done that yet. I plan on having a memorial service on October 15th, which is Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I plan on having a buriel of sorts by putting an ultrasound picture, pregnancy picture, and family picture (while I was pregnant), along with a special letter to the baby, and some sweet toys and a stuffed animal in a pretty box to bury. I hope that this will help bring some kind of closure. We may also get balloons and release them. I am hoping that this will help bring some closure.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss also. I found out I had an auto immune disease (not diagnosed but blood tests were way higher than normal) and am waiting to see a specialist. The only way I found this out is after having pain & syiffnes in my joints. Come to find out %90 of women have flares after a pregnancy or miscarriage. I was told this may be why I had the miscarraige in the first place & lots of women find out they have RA this way (rheumatoid arthritis) so my advice is to get tested for an auto immune disease if you feel any symptoms. Not to scare you but that was my experience. My unborn baby was a blessing because she alerted me to the disease while I'm still fairly young and can get it treated before damage happens. She was my guardian angel I guess you could say. At least thinking of it that way helps me cope with her loss :) I planted a flowering bush on top of her remains. I now can nurture a living thing so when I see the blooms it makes me smile now. It will take time and you will never fully get over it. But the pain lessens so be strong. And tell your boyfriend how you feel-mine isn't the most sensitive (it makes him uncomfortable) but I told him look if you love me then I need you to help me by talking to me! He did, it was hard but I feel better. Just know that they don't get it fully because they never felt being pregnant. They can only support and sympathize. My older female friends were my best sources of support and comfort though. Maybe you know someone like that? If not you can always vent to us :)

Your post really hit home for me. What you said about not really remembering much over the past few months, I totally relate. As a coping mechanism, I had purposefully blocked out a lot of the past few months because I simply could not bear to even BEGIN to accept what happened. My m/c happened on May 15th and the usual things happened - everyone soon stopped asking how I was feeling, including my fiance, who is a really supportive and great guy. But the truth is, they never had the baby in their belly to start the bond immediately. I brought it up to my fiance just the other night - telling him that I'm still very distraught about what happened and that I didn't expect for him to understand, but to be prepared for me to cry every so often because we're nearing the due date of november 16th. He still didn't understand, but men typically need to be told what is needed of them when it comes to support because they are just (again, typically) built VERY DIFFERENT than women when it comes to situations like these and how they cope. And the outcome of our conversation ended up being a lot better than what I had expected it to be. He told me that even though he didn't understand, that everything would be ok and that he'd be there if I needed to vent. Guys have a tendency to feel as though we're asking them to fix whatever it is we vent about - so maybe a suggestion would be to start off with "I dont want you to feel like you have to do anything except just listen" when you feel like you need to get some things off of your chest?

you should always remember that everyone deals with things differently, therefore you should never feel silly for expressing how you feel about something. You can't control feelings and you shouldn't feel as though you have to bottle up what you're going through. I read somewhere that around 70% of the women who go through an experience like this don't fully feel the full blow until somewhere around 3-4 months after the fact, so you really are not alone!!

I don't know if any of this helped - but I'm right there with you. Your post could have been typed my my hands, because I feel exactly the same way as you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.