Military Families Support Group
Today's military family faces a lifestyle that is comprised of frequent deployments, which results in increased family separations. This often proves to be a stressful challenge for military families. This community is dedicated to the families that are dealing with the unique challenges of distance and military-related stress.
I just wanted to take a moment to introduct myself. I am new to the board, and looking for a support system. We have been in Texas for almost a year, just moved here from Washington, D.C.
We have been married almost 10 years, we are both 28 years old and enjoy time with our two dogs, we have no children. My husband is in the process of medboarding out of the military for his combat injuries- PTSD and TBI with other issues. Our marriage has survived so much, two deployments, a Korea tour, but our current hurdle seems to perhaps be one that we cannot overcome.
We had so much going for us when we moved here a year ago, we bought our first home, I had a great job, and my husband was starting his school to become a Physician Assistant with the Army, we were finally on the right path. All that changed last November. My husband woke up in the middle of one of his night terrors, and the anxiety led to a seizure, all of his military goals and school were put on hold. Overnight, he went to just reporting to work and going home, and having no real purpose. I noticed the warning signs- he started spending money, bought a new car, started being distant with our friends and me, I really was worried he may hurt himself.
Then overnight something changed, he was going out with new friends and smiling more. It only took me a week to discover he was having an affair, the date just happened to be our 9 year wedding anniversary.
It's been six months, and he is continuing his affair, but begging me not to leave. I think he should talk to someone, like a counselor, but he is worried it would put his career in jeopardy. I love my husband, and he is my best friend, and I don't know what to do. It's hard just to be in limbo. I don't know if I should move out of our house, that I love, and give up my dream job and move back to be with family.
One thing, being away from family is good- because I don't have to be bombarded with questions, but at the same time I have no support system here. My dad is going through some bad health concerns, his cancer is not getting worse, and I am going back to TN to see him next month for a week.
For now, I drafted a separation agreement, basically saying as long as he continues to have another woman in our marriage, I cannot be apart. I am weighing my options, while focusing on me, and also trying to figuring out where to go from here. I don't want to make any quick decisions, but at the same time its just really hard to know what to do- my emotions are all over the place, and I really just go to work and come home and try my best to have a good day.
I have a great opportunity with my job and really feel secure for once in my career path, I don't want to give that up. I just finished my bachelor's degree and am finally excited I completed that goal, it took a lot of online learning while working full time as a military spouse, but I did it. Now I am even considering getting my masters. I am also working on reaching my weight loss goals, I have lost 50 lbs and am wanting to start Jillian Michael's Body Revolution and do some yoga for stress relief.
I know a lot of people will judge me and say I am being a doormat. I cannot help but thing that my husband's actions are to do with his war issues and to offer a distraction to his issues, I think he needs help. He is seeing a counselor, but they are military, so he doesn't want to talk about the affair to him. There are times where he cries, tells me he hates his life, that he is at the end of his rope, etc. I don't want to be a roommate with my husband, I want to be his wife, but I cannot make him want that with me. He is very loving to me, doesn't blame this on me, and we talk a lot about how our marriage was vulnerable.
So anyway.... just wanted to introduce myself and say hi! I've been an Army wife for 9 years now, so I know it can be hard on all of us.
Thanks for listening.
We have been married almost 10 years, we are both 28 years old and enjoy time with our two dogs, we have no children. My husband is in the process of medboarding out of the military for his combat injuries- PTSD and TBI with other issues. Our marriage has survived so much, two deployments, a Korea tour, but our current hurdle seems to perhaps be one that we cannot overcome.
We had so much going for us when we moved here a year ago, we bought our first home, I had a great job, and my husband was starting his school to become a Physician Assistant with the Army, we were finally on the right path. All that changed last November. My husband woke up in the middle of one of his night terrors, and the anxiety led to a seizure, all of his military goals and school were put on hold. Overnight, he went to just reporting to work and going home, and having no real purpose. I noticed the warning signs- he started spending money, bought a new car, started being distant with our friends and me, I really was worried he may hurt himself.
Then overnight something changed, he was going out with new friends and smiling more. It only took me a week to discover he was having an affair, the date just happened to be our 9 year wedding anniversary.
It's been six months, and he is continuing his affair, but begging me not to leave. I think he should talk to someone, like a counselor, but he is worried it would put his career in jeopardy. I love my husband, and he is my best friend, and I don't know what to do. It's hard just to be in limbo. I don't know if I should move out of our house, that I love, and give up my dream job and move back to be with family.
One thing, being away from family is good- because I don't have to be bombarded with questions, but at the same time I have no support system here. My dad is going through some bad health concerns, his cancer is not getting worse, and I am going back to TN to see him next month for a week.
For now, I drafted a separation agreement, basically saying as long as he continues to have another woman in our marriage, I cannot be apart. I am weighing my options, while focusing on me, and also trying to figuring out where to go from here. I don't want to make any quick decisions, but at the same time its just really hard to know what to do- my emotions are all over the place, and I really just go to work and come home and try my best to have a good day.
I have a great opportunity with my job and really feel secure for once in my career path, I don't want to give that up. I just finished my bachelor's degree and am finally excited I completed that goal, it took a lot of online learning while working full time as a military spouse, but I did it. Now I am even considering getting my masters. I am also working on reaching my weight loss goals, I have lost 50 lbs and am wanting to start Jillian Michael's Body Revolution and do some yoga for stress relief.
I know a lot of people will judge me and say I am being a doormat. I cannot help but thing that my husband's actions are to do with his war issues and to offer a distraction to his issues, I think he needs help. He is seeing a counselor, but they are military, so he doesn't want to talk about the affair to him. There are times where he cries, tells me he hates his life, that he is at the end of his rope, etc. I don't want to be a roommate with my husband, I want to be his wife, but I cannot make him want that with me. He is very loving to me, doesn't blame this on me, and we talk a lot about how our marriage was vulnerable.
So anyway.... just wanted to introduce myself and say hi! I've been an Army wife for 9 years now, so I know it can be hard on all of us.
Thanks for listening.
myblvdofdreams
Thank you 3kids, for the warm welcome! I jotted down the helpful number and will call to see what counseling services they can offer. Things are rough right now, as my husband isn't stopping the affair. I started look at apartments today and think I found a few that I could manage on my own. Definitely just taking care of myself for now. I am going home to visit my dad next month for a week, as his cancer is worsening and the doctors are running out of options. I am taking a second week off, to go see a lawyer and see the process to possibly file for divorce, or at least know my options and the costs associated. I really am just going to take a week, to myself, to really just think about what I want to do for me to be okay. I am kind of excited about the possibility of getting away from the heaviness in our house, because its just full of so many memories or hopes and dreams that may never come to be. For now, I am playing it smart, loving him, but also preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best. Regardless, he is still my best friend, and I do think he needs to talk to somebody.
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