Before I saw a Headache Specialist on Monday I was in denial. I didn't have Migraines because my symptoms aren't textbook. There was a reason for the headaches, there had to be, I couldn't possibly have a neurological condition for which there is no cure. I went through every day with a headache taking aspirin for it and drinking all the caffeine in sight to keep my headache up. I would have some bad days and one or two headaches a month where I literally just had to stay home and veg out, but I still protested that most headaches were just a sort of dull, annoying roar, and that I was blessed, knowing what some people go through.
I still feel that way, I am seldom nauseated with my headaches, I don't need to shield myself from daylight..
But on Monday I was diagnosed with Chronic Migraine and given medication made for epileptics, medication that could make me pass out or have seizures. I will spend a month working up to 100mg and I'm both exited and afraid, hoping it could be the beginning of the rest of my life, afraid it wont work or that the side effects will be harmful. My Dr. forbade me to take anything over the counter and gave me a week long steroid pack that is supposed to help my body reset but either isn't working or exacerbating the situation because I have had had to take the rescue medication she wants me to take sparingly almost every day this week just in order to go to class and live my life. She said "catch it early" and also only to medicate for a 4 or higher and I'm not sure who's interpretation of the pain scale we are using...(I think a 10 is incapacitated beyond all reason, running into the ER clutching skull and screaming, so a 4 is high for me). I'm keeping a headache diary with accounts of my medication at her request and I'm hoping she expects this week to be bad. I have refills before I see her, but I still want her to know I am taking her advice seriously...
Over all, I'm just afraid. The rescue meds she gave me don't even really work that well, helping, but not even as much as an Excedrin Migraine (not that these always worked for me years ago before I stopped taking it, but if anything worked, this would) so that's pretty discouraging. I went to a Neurologist so that I don't have unbreakable days long migraines anymore. I hope the preventative working because so far these rescues are crap.
I know I've just probably written more than anyone cares to read but I feel awful today and I am sick of talking to my mom and boyfriend about this. I don't want to be unwell, I don't want this to be life right now. I joined this support group to talk to people who would get it, and I'm really hoping some of you can relate to my feelings right now.