Meth Addiction & Recovery Support Group
Methamphetamine is a synthetic stimulant drug used for both medicinal and recreational purposes. Methamphetamine is highly psychologically addictive. Like most stimulants, large doses of methamphetamine can result in a strong feeling of euphoria at the expense of physical fatigue and a strong "come-down" as the drug's effect wears off.
First time posting on anything like this to deal with my drug problem or any problem. I'm a take care of it himself kind of guy. But this learned how to take care of himself the wrong way. I have been using drugs in some capacity for now going on to 24 years I'm only 37! Weed then extacy. Then coke then the good old meth pipe. I am trying honesty here so I have to say I'm high I'm smoking my last bowl tonight and taking the last of my g. Saw a youtube video that turned on a light bulb. If I want to change I pretty much have to destroy the person I see infront of me. And I really believe if I can change just one thing, anything I think that person will be destroyed. I haven't done much in this life other then to just exist. I don't try new things well unless they are drugs. I can't put a tomatoe in my mouth but I've butchered my arms to try and hit a vein. ( that was one night I wasnt successfull just scabby arms thank god) but hey I really just wanna find a soul out there that I can release all the things I can't tell the people I love about me. I really need to be encouraged to go back to my social worker but its so hard for me to talk and share or I am a coward. I'm really scared of becoming who I'm supposed to be so I numb myself with what drugs I can find. I think I'm really scared at becoming my father. I really don't know anything about me other than I like drugs and I want to be more. I want to be
I'm not sure how this all works but if you wanna send me a line or message I wanna find someone that will let me unload and maybe we can help eachother. I find it very intriguing to start such an open dialogue. Im open to all suggestions
I'm in a similar spot, even though everyone's situation is different. I'm 31 and have been "dabbling" my way through the drug world for well over half my life. First it was weed, which evolved to coke, every painkiller imaginable and heroin, and a bottle of vodka a day drinking habit...until I encountered meth and fell in love. I, luckily, was never a huge fan of heroin, but mixing it with coke was always my favorite. I've never encountered a drug I haven't used, typically in excess. But meth changed everything. I've smoked it, shot it, mixed it into my food/drinks, but mostly just blow it. The difference for me between meth and every other drug is that I feel like every other drug was an "experience" no matter how long I did it - meth, since day one, I've never had any intention of quitting - there was never an end in sight. Even after my brother was arrested operating an active meth lab, I never considered stopping. I visited him in state prison for years while I was high as a kite.
I've also always been a self-fixer, which is how I got here to begin with. In an effort to fix what I wasn't willing to face, I jumped into a world where memories got blurry, feelings were numb, the past was no more real than watching tv and I could be awake 24/7 so my guard was never down.
Through all of this I have managed to stay out of trouble, be the first person in my family to graduate college, get and keep a good job, and keep almost all of my friends, family and colleagues in the dark - I think they call it "high-functioning". Going to rehab or counseling would be like dropping a bomb on my entire life, its just not an option, And I've done so many things that make my own skin crawl, I could never expose anyone who cares about me to the other side of my world. I've got my boyfriend sucked into my way of life too, which has actually minimized some of my riskier behaviors overall, but the idea of him finding out how life was before him makes me sick to my stomach, for both of us.
A few months back I actually looked at myself in the mirror, and I hate the person standing there. I hate that my life is being controlled by this meaningless chemical - my mood, my friends, how I spend my time, everything - and if I run out my world stops dead. I decided that day I was done. I lasted about 12 hours before I quit quitting. I've decided I was done more times than I'd like to count since then. Today I am on day 4 of quitting and for a little bit I actually felt like "me" long enough to remember who "me" used to be. I'll be honest, I'm still not a huge fan of "me", but its a starting point.
So I made it 4 days today. I don't know if that will be 5 days, but I know that I don't want this. I won't let my life continue like this. I can do so much better than this.
And you can too. Just don't loose sight of that person that wants more. Even if you don't make it your first try, try again.
Based on the date, today would be your day 4 too. If it isn't, I hope that tomorrow can be your day 1.