Menopause Support Group

Menopause is the physiological cessation of menstrual cycles associated with advancing age. It normally occurs in women between the ages of 45 and 55, when the body begins to slow and stop the production of eggs, estrogen and progesterone production decreases, and menstruation diminishes, eventually stopping altogether.

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patticakes350 09/07/2010

OK My hormones are all over the place. I am on birth control just so I can control my periods. 7 days instead of 20 days bleeding. Hot flashes, night sweats, memory loss. Weight gain... you name it. Taking anything other than the low level birthcontrol gives me migrains. And all my husband can do is complaining that I am not in the mood... he takes it very personally that I don't want HIM... I have tried to explain to him what is going on with me... but he just says get over it... He has never been an understanding or compassionate husband... even when I was pregnant. But this has just added more stress to an already stressful time. I try my best and anytime I am in the mood I make sure we get a chance to be together. And many times when I am NOT in the mood I do it just to do it. But the more I do that... The more I resent it.
Showing him the scientific data does nothing... He just says thats an excuse... (He still believes second hand smoke is media bull)

Any suggestions ( other than divorce) ?

deleted_user 09/07/2010

I've been in the same boat except I couldn't take anything for the constant bleeding. I just had to deal with it. Peri-menopause and menopause just plain suck! It's the equivalent of going through puberty all over again. I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you but unfortunately I don't have any. My ex didn't understand what I was going through either. We ended up resenting each other and went our separate ways. I gotta tell ya, even though I get lonely, it's nice not having to deal with my self-centered, unsympathetic husband. It's nice to worry only about myself for a change. Would your husband consider talking with your gynecologist or a marriage counselor with you? Preferably a woman counselor. Maybe he would listen to a professional. Just a suggestion. Good luck!

deleted_user 09/08/2010

Ah yes i have been there. My symptoms started a few months ago, anxiety, hot flushes, slight panic feeling etc. When my husband found out that i went to the doc and got some medicine to help me when i feel really bad, he was not pleased and said that popping pills does not solve the problem. He said all women have to go thru the menopause and to just get on with it!!!!!!!!

I said yes of course, but its what the menopause also brings with it that is what i can't deal with and all women are different etc. We had another chat, but i don't think he fully understands the extent that we women go thru with this.

As for sex, well its not too bad but he does not demand it which is good. Sometimes i am in the mood and sometimes he is in the mood.

I agree with Holy2ledo, see your doctor together and discuss things and hopefully this will help him understand more.

Good luck

deleted_user 09/10/2010

Yeah, I have a husband like that. I too have problems "getting into the mood", but I do have to think about my husband once in a while too, but like patti I will sometimes get to the point where I resent it.
Every once in a while my husband will get into an attitude where he says that he isn't going to be the one who asks for it anymore, if we have sex it is going to be because I ask for it...HaHaHa. He finally gets over that though when when he realizes that I cannot force myself to get in the mood and that I probably won't be doing it unless he asks.
Hubby started getting really happy when I started taking the estroven and the attitude started to make a change.
They just need more patience.

deleted_user 09/11/2010

Hi,

This helped me so much. Check it out.

www.dodsonandross.com

deleted_user 09/18/2010

OMG!!! I was just on here not too long ago mentioning about that attitude my husband will get once in a while about how I am the one who needs to initiate sex because he wasn't going to anymore and how I thought he was over that...OMG! What is it with these guys?
He started it again this morn. I was more than willing to do a little a.m. quickie, but I just happened to mention that I wasn't in the mood for just one little thing and all of a sudden he gets upset and says "forget it, let me know when you are in the mood". I told him I was in the mood, just not for that.
Well, long story short, he said that he will wait till I am in the mood and do the innitiating...I told him "don't hold your breathe waiting for me to do that."

deleted_user 09/19/2010

I have tried all kinds of herbs. Even got some Testosterone cream from the gyno...read it brings back the libido. ha, what a joke. Only thing that happened is I might have sprouted a few MORE chin hairs to pluck...arg. Call me Dark- Age- Darla, but does your hubby ever go shopping with you when he doesnt really want to? I dont care what anyone says, sometimes its okay to "fake it". Remember, men have egos.....

singingsands29 09/20/2010

I just found this site, and it helped me a lot.
http://www.lawleybasecamp.com/media/pdf/condition-booklets/Testosterone_Women_Booklet.pdf

http://www.hormonesolutions.com.au/
Click on the free booklet.
I hope this helps

MsHoneyB 09/20/2010

I'm just the opposite. It's like my pie has a constant fire lit under it.

deleted_user 09/22/2010

Hello. Having read all these comments I can only but feel happy to be on my own. Some of these men sound totally selfish and self absorbed because they are not getting their bit.Its a fact that mens sexual drive goes on whilst womens take a real blow at menopause. To say "get over it" is so heartless and uncaring. If I were with a man and he spoke to me like that I would be telling him to pack his bags and go and find a whore. Is sex so bloody important . A whore ofcourse will not keep him warm,well fed and watered . Sorry but men and their sexual drives make me sick.

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