There are days when I feel like that, but I realize that this aging is part of life. You have to keep in mind that our culture worships youth and once you are "past it" you feel a little out of touch. In many countries, age and wisdom are revered. Too bad we can't be more like that. Remember that you are so much more than your appearance. Focus on the good things in your life and not the negative. Is it the reflection in the mirror or is it the number that bothers you most?

I'm so sorry for your pain and losses! Hysterectomy can certainly induce those feelings and then to have also been robbed of the ability to have children must be devastating.

I also feel a deep sense of loss and have been struggling since my hyst and I was much older (49) and already had children so I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is for you.

I also was ill after my hyst due to bowel problems from the surgery. Ironically, I was very healthy prior to surgery and had only one day of pain that led me to my gyn and it all went downhill from there!

If you don't mind me asking, in what way are you ill besides having no energy? I know gastric bypass can rob you of nutrients so that could be a problem. But hysterectomy can also cause fatigue. Are you on HRT?

I'm also happily married but I obsessed for over a year about how I wouldn't appeal to any man without my organs. And, frankly, I'm not attracted to men like I used to be. I miss those sensual/sexual feelings of looking at a hot guy or reading a steamy sex scene in a novel. As time has gone on, this loss is easier to bear.

Have you tried counseling or a support group? That may help work through your emotions.

Hang in there!

Did you actually have a hysterectomy, or was there another reason you went into early menopause?

Roberlie, sorry that you are going through this rough time, but you are not alone. You didn't mention what "forced" you into menopause, but feelings of sadness, depression, a sense of loss, etc. are all very common during menopause due to hormonal changes in the body. And if you are on hormone therapy, perhaps you need adjustments to the amount or the type you are taking. Menopause can throw a whole bunch of symptoms our way that leave us feeling very confused, even to the point of questioning many things in life. Hang in there and remember we are here for you.

Hi Roberlie!

If that is your picture I would say you look pretty darn good, girl!

I think light exercise... even just a stroll around the neighborhood breathing in that fresh air! If you're not up to much.. just simple stretching and toning will do wonders for the way you feel.
a new outfit.. a manicure and a pedicure ( I do my own nails. so it doesn't have to be an expensive trip to a salon)
Just take some time for yourself.

I did not have a hyst, but my uterus and its surroundings have become less sensitive. I no longer have those strong pulses from my pelvic area that seemed from my uterus. I feel less sexual too, even breasts have shrunk and they do not care about being touched. I took HT for awhile, but am currently on a lowered dose in an attempt to wean off, but with how I am feeling, I wonder if I should do that --- I have a sexual relationship I treasure, but some days I feel about as I did when a child: yulk, sex! And I have read that sometimes this happens when our hormones leave --- and I feel like this while **on** HT---what about when I stop completely??? Do I tell my gentleman friend it is over??? He claims it won't matter, but I think he hopes I am exaggerating the situation.

It is hard to live with less money too. I am purchasing cheap things myself simplye bc I cannot justify 10 dollars for a jar of this or that. Not sure it even matters, so much of that is hype anyway.

You need to congratulate yourself on the wt loss....look around you, we have many ppl who are very large and would love to be where you are. I bet they envy you! And they do not care that you are not young looking, they would like to be a smaller size. You know they would. I am thin, but I also do not look youthful as I would like. But I have had women tell me they wish they had my body. Not that it is all there is about me, but it helps to know I am the size of younger person, even if my face announces I am not...

So, I think the weight loss is a huge accomplishment on yr part. You should be proud. Maybe get the nearest thrift store for a nice sweater and jeans in yr new size, just something simple, and imagine yrself as the sexy mature woman I am sure you will project to others....nothing is wrong with that, just give yourself permission to have some nice things and then it won't matter if you are "marketable" or not (and who wants to be "marketable" anyway --- we are not cattle or chickens for sale). Just be good to yourself....DaisyC

Wow!!! Everyone is so fantastic here! ok will try to answer all the questions and comment.. yes I did have a radical total hysterectomy in 1998 due to endometriosis, cervical cancer and even my ME/CFS played a role due to difficult periods. It was hoped that the surgery might help my condition. It didn't. Aging is my big issue.. and most of what you are saying is absolutely great advice.. have gotten the clothes at thrift stores when I can afford. Done the makeup thing.. and I cant remember who thought that the creams are hype, but they aren't. LOL I had a couple weeks of good caring for myself and saw a difference. However, when I stopped due to illness it didn't stick.. you have to stay with it 2x daily.. wash with a proper face cleanser, toner, daily cream for the face and another for the eyes in the morning.. in the evening wash again, toner, night cream and eye cream for bed. I saw a difference and was getting beeped at for my looks weight loss/dressing and makeup all inclusive by teenagers/college kids!!! Yeah that was a rush!! LOL As far as having a great body now.. not so much.. heck I know what I look like under the clothes.. being marketable.. it matters to me still.. I think I missed a lot of enjoying my youth due to weight and illness.. I know this is my last chance before all the wrinkles and what not sets in.. I guess I'm running wild trying to capture it and can't because I just don't have the energy. I know that in time I wont be waiting for energy anymore and it will be too late. And that day is very close by. I did have children already. Two.. to no avail.. you will have to see my other posts.. but I wasn't robbed of the ability to have kids.. I can MAYBE be grateful for that much. (Long story on the maybe part but has nothing to do with this).. I would love to live in one of those countries that doesn't worship youth. Its the number that bothers me.. not the mirror.. its the number telling me that soon.. very very soon the mirror will betray me.. I believe its really hard on women in this society more than men.. men are sophisticated as they age.. women tend to be looked at as unimportant once we cant procreate or appear sexy is what I seem to see. I guess I am just mourning my youth and not sure how to embrace this new stage of my life. I know lots of people say that they get such a great awareness and wonderful new view on life after 50. They are happier and more well balanced. Things like appearance don't matter anymore.. How do I get that? That is what I want.. because right now I'm looking down the barrel of gun seeing the end in numbers.. (metaphorically of course) would rather be ready and happy to embrace all that is good about it.. anyone got any good things I can look forward to? The best thing I can think of is the loss of my periods and frankly that is old now as I havent had one in too many years to count lol. What else do we get? Anything? I miss the sexy steamy feelings and honestly I never did have much for response if you know what I mean.. but I felt like a woman.. I held the gold that men wanted.. now.. what do I have?

Oh.. and thank you!! LOL yes the picture is really me.. what a boost! Muuuaah!

Rosa's post convey my feelings. Menopause is a confusing time and makes us question everything. I know it did for me and still does. I feel it mostly has to do with hormones during this time. Maybe try hormones, or if on them already, changing up the dose? Hormones can make a difference for many women. Glad to see you join this forum. Please let us know how things are going. There are a bunch of great supportive people on here who understand! Best Wishes, Judy

Thanks Rosa.. I have several problems with taking HRT's.. first is that I am chemical sensitive.. makes it hard.. 2. is that I am already on drugs for so many other.. more important things and those are what I concentrate on.. and 3. I just can't afford even the drugs I am on now.. and I have an appt today that will likely add another one! Another issue that seems overwhelming to me is that everyone is saying that it is a "difficult time".. problem is that for me.. because it is from a hysterectomy vs. natural menopause.. I will never be over it.. this "difficult time" is my life now.. when you go through menopause from surgery like this its forever.. your body doesn't eventually even out.. that is what I've been told anyway.. is that true?

I understand about your body being sensitive to chemicals and not wanting to take more things. When I tried bc pills years ago, I felt really "whacked out," so I had to stop, and that is one reason why I am reluctant to try HRT myself. Have you ever had your hormone levels checked? Like sugaboog said, I think it's important to know your levels so you can just have a general idea of what hormones you may be deficient in. THEN, with that info, you may be able to find an alternative to HRT or meds, or maybe even try bio HRT which may work for you since it is like what your body makes. Also, MANY women in this meno time experience a tremendous loss of self-confidence -- I know that is the case with me. I was a very independent, confident, passionate person, and slowly found my real personality waning... when this hormonal upheaval made me "crash," I felt totally inept at handling even the small things of life, lacked confidence, needed to rely on others instead of handling things myself, etc. It takes time for our bodies to adjust to changes in our hormone levels. In your case, I am not sure how hormones adjust post hyst, but others on this site can probably give you advice on that. But I THINK that our adrenal glands are supposed to produce needed hormones when our ovaries stop producing them. (Someone may also know if that is true or not.) I hope these posts have encouraged you. Hugs, hugs.

Yes, its hard for the body to level out after surgical menopause especially without HRT. Its unusual for a womans adrenal glands and fat to produce enough sex hormones to keep her healthy especially in the long-run. Thats why women without ovaries (or ovaries that fail after hysterectomy) are at much higher risk for many health problems heart disease, stroke, osteoporosis, Parkinsonism, dementia, cognitive impairment, depression, and anxiety. HRT can help alleviate many of the symptoms and even reduce the aforementioned risks. I think this is important to know for managing our health going forward.

Ive been on a number of forums since my hyst and I know many women developed health problems post-hyst that improved with an effective estrogen replacement, e.g., high cholesterol, high blood pressure, heart palpitations, memory, depression, anxiety, dizziness, vision (and I think even blood sugar issues cant remember on that). So instead of taking meds for all these problems, they take ERT. Chemical sensitivities seem to increase after menopause but most women are able to find an ERT that works despite these sensitivities. Of course, you may prefer staying off ERT and thats your choice. But if you want to pursue it again, there are many to choose from and theyll likely help some of your other issues.

Hope this helps!

BTW Im sorry for the loss of your children that must be really tough! Hopefully, theyll come around and re-establish a relationship with you.

Also Roberlie, since estrogen is produced in our body fat postmeno, you may have less estrogen since your weight loss. That may play into how you feel too.

I am 54 and even with creams etc, my face still aged, esp the past couple of years. I have some sun damage (wish I had **never** listened to my dumb teenage girlfriends about tanning), so maybe the creams do not work for me bc my skin was damaged by sun etc. I have a F who has creamy pristine skin and she looks younger and is 61, sigh.

I still applaud your weight loss, just bc I know so many people who would love to accomplish this.

Yes, HRT is expensive, but sometimes you can get generics (that is what I have) and not so costly then. But if you can get along without them, then do so... just hope you feel better soon...DaisyC

There is surgical menopause that happens when you have a hysterectomy and menopause that occurs naturally. I have been told menopause is menopause regardless of how you entered it and that the symptoms do die down and your hormones even out. My doctor keeps saying it will get better because she went through menopause. She said it just kind of creeps up on you and one day you realize you feel better than you did. I hope this for you. But for me, I dont believe menopause lasts forever. The symptoms can last on average 2-5 yrs., but many women have problem into 10-15 yrs. Its very individual that way. Best Wishes! Judy

Ladies, please be careful about getting on hormones after 5 yrs. postmenopause. This increases your risk of side effects from HRT. It's important to start them in the earlier years of menopause. And know that your hormones are important to keeping your veins and arteries pliable and flexible and preventing cardiac events. Your risk of stroke, transient ischemic attacks, go up when you lose estrogen and your veins and arteries become harder. You need your veins and arteries pliable and flexible because of the rapid move of blood through your system and the force of it on your artery walls. I just found out after 2.5 yrs. of being in menopause that I've had two mini strokes and Im only 52. This is an important time also for your cholesterol. Bad cholesterol increases, good cholesterol decreases, overall trigylcerides usually go up, your metabolism slows, weight comes off not quite so easy. Its important to eat right and exercise to take care of yourselves during this transition period because estrogen is responsible for soo many functions in our bodies. Best Wishes! Judy