It has been a tough time for my husband and I with my menopause symptoms. He's understanding and wishes I didnt feel this way but we've had our tense moments and struggles. It's not been easy by any means. I think men dont realize how we feel because they cant feel what we feel. If they could just be in our bodies for a day they might understand. Unfortunately, wouldny you know they'd be in our bodies on a day when we felt pretty good and then they'd say "oh, its not that bad". I say give them a day in our bodies when we feel our absolute worst and tell them to just shrug it off, get up, and get going for the day, then they'd get it wouldnt they? LOL

Some men handle it with compassion. Others not so much. The statistics for divorce sky-rocket when women hit menopause. But, it's not what you think.....it's the WOMEN filing for divorce. :)

I will confess, my husband's total lack of support and compassion for my years in perimenopause have contributed to our separation. But, he always has a way of making most everything about him. So, looking back, it doesn't surprise me that HE was the one who felt he was suffering more than me. :D

Magnolia

Wow, Magnolia! I have the same husband! LOL! Fortunately, for HIM, I gave up depending upon him or anyone else a looong time ago. I can find "sympathy" in the dictionary. It's listed under "S".
Or I come here! : )

My husband has been pretty supportive. But my symptoms were very abrupt and severe due to a hysterectomy which was totally unwarranted (had an ovarian cyst). I'm almost 6 years post-op and HRT has helped immensely but the depression has never left but at least it's mild now versus suicidal like it was for about 2 years. I told my husband that his body probably would have reacted the same way if they'd removed his prostate and testicles LOL!

I'm now trying to "accept" the back and hip pain and changes to my figure that are a consequence of the loss of pelvic integrity. It's been a tough road but I've come a long way.

I'm sorry for those of you who don't have the support of your husband, SO or other family members. That makes it that much harder. At least we have DS.

Magnolia - It's good to see you back. Hope things are looking up for you in spite of the separation.

I am so good at hiding mine my husband doesn't have a clue. In fact he had a conversation with another man in front of me where he told this man I sailed through my menopause. (ha ha so I guess it's over- NOT) This guy was saying out of no where his wife divorced him and my husband asked if he thought it might have been due to menopause and the man said yes he did.
How he doesn't notice me throwing the covers on & off all night and me getting out of bed to try and break the worry cycle.
I don't talk about it to him because I do not think he would be supportive.
I think he would blame every disagreement we have on FEMALE problems, etc.

Joyce, I think it might be helpful for your husband to read some of the posts on here so he could see just how many women face these issues. Once he understands that it is a REAL problem for most, he may not think you are using it as an excuse or crutch. I have been very open with my husband about what I'm going through, since I believe communication is paramount, but I'm able to do that because he is very supportive and caring... when husbands are not understanding, it's only natural that you wouldn't want to open up to them. As for your mom and best friend, I would try to remind them of their own symptoms and explain that what you are facing is pretty much the same thing, because it is STILL HORMONAL UPHEAVAL causing it all. Let us know if he reads some discussions on here and his reaction to it... it may help to know his response.

I have read somewhere that men experience a type of menopause themselves. If you look at the men around you that are at this age 50 something, they have a lot of the same issues. My husband is the worst sleeper ever. He is often up at 3 or 4 and comes downstairs to work because he can't sleep. Also, the once incredible metabolism is slowing down and the midsection is spreading (more than mine) No, he doesn't get hot flashes but he is more irritable due to lack of sleep. I think of Robert Browning 's line "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be" and I am hopeful.

I agree, hotmom, that men DO go thru their own type of MEN opause. They are just not as open as women are when it comes to discussing their feelings. I know my husband has had trouble sleeping for several years that began in his later 40's; he would only sleep 5 hrs or so, wake up, toss and turn, etc. He seemed to be less enthusiastic, more tired, more of a general "down" mood, and he pretty much related it to stress, overwork, etc. Maybe you could do an online search for male menopause and see what is out there. But I DO believe it exists... my husband told me years ago that he thinks men have "cycles" minus the bleeding. He said he felt like every 6 wks or so, he would experience like a "male pms." I once had a teacher in school who had recently gotten married, and she remarked that now, after getting married, she knows that men have "periods" too, they just don't bleed. Interesting...

Sounds like everyone has a similar but different experience. I'm not sure if I'd even recognize if someone is being supportive, I might be harder on myself than anyone else can be.

Keep in mind that menopause is not an excuse so much as a reason for how you feel and behave. Don't be so hard on yourself and you may feel better. Do show him to this site, and he may even feel thankful that you are not as extreme as some. Good luck.

I agree with hotmom that menopause is not an excuse. Instead, I look at it as an explanation! For example, in my "former" days, one thing I loved was having a clean, organized home... loved decorating, interior design, and crafting. For a long time now, I have been so apathetic about my house... I can barely even do the "basics" of housework, have no desire to decorate, etc. Now if my family didn't know better, they might think I was just being lazy or using menopause as an excuse to get out of things. The fact is, my hormonal flux has CAUSED me to feel "flat and emotionless" about many things that I really enjoyed before, and I dont WANT to feel this way. I feel great compassion for the women who do not have an understanding support system, and urge them to share this site with anyone in their lives who thinks menopause is being used as an excuse.

I think most men given the choice of reading this forum or waterboarding would sooner get wet!