Hey, guys,

Okay, I am just really, really bummed about Dallas passing. Marilyn, I know how it feels... I love my dog so much that yesterday I fell asleep holding my dog and dreamed about holding my dog.

This just sucks. It doesn't matter that I haven't met Marilyn or Dallas. I feel like they/you live right down the street. Marilyn, let me know if there's anything I can do, anything you need.

Jacqui, I am so happy you found a local group! Let us know how it goes! I missed part of the thread... is it for immune disorders? Keep us posted.

Oddman, great news on the exercise! An hour a day is a lot! I am managing to get in some good hikes with Z, those are over an hour but I could not do them every day. I can do the strider for about 23 minutes at a fairly brisk pace and some weight work-- and I have gained back most of the weight I lost over the holidays, which means my depression is probably easing up. (I think that clinically, I am transitioning from a Major Depressive Episode into Cyclothymic disorder, but I have to check the DSM!)

School is, frankly, brutal and expensive. I am not the only one having trouble, it's true-- some of these 24 year old hyper-smart kids are also completely freaking out. But it's clear that I am definitely facing some unique cognitive issues. I am having lots of trouble remembering names, and difficulty with reading comprehension of the textbooks. (Some of them are not very well written.) I like all the professors, but some are much better than others.

My leg is also killing me, and my eyes are having a lot of trouble doing all this reading. I think I will probably get through the degree, though I'm not sure about the clinical training. I'm glad I didn't wait any longer to do this.

On the other hand, perfectly healthy kids in class complain about some of the same issues. One girl told me she was so tired from studying that she felt scared driving to work. Of course, I was worried about her, but that made me feel a little better!

The idea of working while I am doing this is a joke. I am also feeling very hostile towards the entertainment industry, and I am actually hoping my client doesn't call me in. This may pass, but right now I feel like I'd rather work as a cashier at Goodwill than spend another day working for the mean, venal cretins who churn out the garbage that's on television, on the radio, or whatever. I don't even want to play guitar or go to the movies at the moment.

This reaction is way out of proportion, and obviously I have to work on this and see where it is coming from. I understand why I am depressed-- my health, my mom, other issues I can identify, it makes sense, it would be weird if I weren't depressed. But why so angry? Hmm...

MT, you know, mentally what you are describing is so similar to the way I feel. I go to the car, realize I forgot my parking pass, get in the car and put the top down, realize I forgot my cap, go back inside and get it, come back out, wonder if I've locked the door, go back and check it... Jesus, the neighbors must think I'm crazy. And this is what it's like when I read a book-- I get through a chapter, I know there are five things to remember, but I can only recall two.

Hang in there, y'all. Really appreciate everyone's posts.

Best,

--Cat