I hear you. I am not quite housebound, but my wife noticed after the first blood clot that I socialized a lot less. Now, with the headaches, the body aches, the energy loss, and the second clot, it's the same deal. I've had to make hard choices-- dropped some colleagues who were vapid or chatterboxes, don't hang out with friends who can't control their alcoholism or drug problems (at least occasionally) and I'm around the house and under foot a lot more.

And it bugs my wife, too.

What are you doing for psychotherapy? I can't remember, but if you could find someone with experience with health problems, that is, of course, ideal. (They are not easy to find.)

In the meantime, you can kind of normalize the learning curve of this whole thing-- tell him you're adjusting, and for many people in your support group, this tends to improve with time.

I'm curious-- what kind of anger outbursts are we talking about? Just being frustrated, raising your voice, or throwing stuff?

I know you are worried about him leaving, and that is important, but try to keep the primary focus on your own behavior, which you can learn to control, even with this new stress. Do not to try to change him... or not now, and not about issues that piss you off, unless he is being aggressive with you, which is a different deal. Notice your physical cues and stress thoughts, so you know when you are likely to have outbursts of anger. Learn relaxation techniques and practice active listening. And if you feel like you're going to explode, learn to take a time out. Great skill once you've got it, but not at all easy to learn. It is good that you are working on this NOW, early on, before patterns of thinking and behavior get more entrenched. Let him know you're working on it, too, if that might help.

Taking a time out is good advice. Sometimes I just have to walk away when I feel like I am going to explode. Whether I go take a bath or just go sit in the bedroom by myself and calm down, it does help. After my son was born, I had some serious anger issues. It wasn't post partum depression, but more of a culmination of things. Too much stress, too many health problems, dealing with a baby and a two year old. Anyway, I went and spoke with my doctor and told her that while I didn't feel depressed, I was worried that I was going to end up hitting my husband or some random stranger at Wal-Mart. She told me that anger can come from depression and put me back on Lexapro. It has helped me tremendously. I still get angry and I have always had a bad temper, but I can control it and I don't have to worry about hurting someone. I also don't do drama anymore. I just don't! If there is drama coming from someone else's life, I just stay away. If a friend needs advice, I will gladly give it, but I don't put myself in the middle of anything anymore. If someone is just a total drama queen I completely distance myself from that person. Usually they are so wrapped up in themselves that they don't even notice anyway! Sorry for my rambling, but I hope this was helpful!
-Kate

Great advice from all!

I was in psychotherapy for 2 years before I was diagnosed. This was when every doctor told me it was in my head. I worked with a social worker/nurse, and we did a bit of cognitive therapy for the dysphagia in addition to psychotherapy. So, I was essentially trying to talk myself out of 3 autoimmune diseases. It was a good experience, though. I have been looking for some who specializes in health, and I may have found one or two. My husband and I are considering going together so we can learn better how to communicate about the diseases and stop some of the fighting (and other issues we may have....).

No violence; we just yell at each other. I learned some relaxation techniques in therapy, but have not used them frequently enough. The fights usually start when he expects something from me or I just get plain ole upset. I usually shout that he doesnt understand my diseases, and he really should not have to put up with me. I should not be saying the latter to my husband and he works hard to understand what ails us. I think I am still at that, This is weird and new (but it isnt really new it just has a name now), and I am really alone phase. I do take Cymbalta, and that seems to help with my anxiety.

No baby here, but I am very stressed and unhappy at work; however, it is hard to leave for a new job because of my insurance. $57,000 in medical bills this year, and that does not include several medications. We would be in big trouble without my insurance. Of course, then you get home from work too tired to look for a new job!

I will certainly try to take those timeouts. I know it will help. I want to be calmer for my husband AND me. Ill let him know the work starts now.

I still feel pretty lucky that I have not progressed to worse things!

Thanks!!

Gabrielle

if you're on prednisone it can cause mood swings. It could also be hormonal, you can have your levels checked the next time you do bloodwork.

Thanks for the info!

Gabrielle

Did you start a new medication just before this began? I've had this happen several times to me since I've been diagnosed (March of this year) and it all was because of meds. Once I stopped or switched/lowered the med, this stopped - just a thought.

I'll have to think about that. It may have been when I was tapering down one drung and increasing another one. Interesting.

Thanks,

Gabrielle

I've always had anger issues. Even at 5 and 6 years old I would get so angry I would literally just see black, like my head was going to explode. It has always been a problem. Since I went on Zoloft about 6 years ago it seems to be mostly under control. I do have outbursts though and I'm always at a certain level of irritation.

I think the outbursts may be from the prednisone though. The Zoloft usually makes it hard for me to get too worked up, but not always.

Kate, I'm right there with you. I have weeded out as much drama and drama queens from my life as I possibly could.

My psychiatrist recently put me on cymbalta for anxiety and my rheumy was really pleased.

Gabrielle

Your outburts can be caused by sideffects from your meds. Talk to your Dr and if you are not in counseling, get some. I found that it really helped talking to an outside objective person regarding my health or lack there of! She explained to me the my irritablity and anger was coming out sideways because I was trying to do to much and be "healthy" for everyone else. I have started to scream into a pillow and doing some meditation. This has helped. Apoligize to your husband when you do get mad at him for no reason and take him to the Dr with you so he can better undersatnd. I feel bad when I cannot do things around the house or with my husband but I pray everyday he understands and I give attention when I can.

Thanks for your response. It is good to know I am not going crazy! I'll tell my husband that it could be the side effects of meds. We have come up with some simple strategies to keep discussions from escalating.

He does have to deal with a lot sometimes. I was in bed for most of the day for 3 days with weakness and exhaustion. Thankfully, it was during the hurricane and everything in DC was essentially closed. I did not have to use advanced sick leave or leave without pay!

Gabrielle

I have the same issue Im in a bad mood all the time and im sure its because of prednisone. Some times i feel i have lost my self in these medication what ever i do how i react it all depends on my medicines. You really need a time out. It helps me. Good luck

You are correct - I do need a time out!

Gabrielle

Do you take Toradol? Just wondering because when I have in the past I have gotten really unusually angry and jumpy and felt downright nuts and it was a reaction to combing with other meds I am on. It took me a long time to realize it was the cause.

I don't take Torodal, but I do take a lot of medications.

Gabrielle