Hello! While nothing major to report, I figure now may be a good time to get vocal in the forum... Cycle Day 9 is coming-up this week, with egg retrieval not too far behind. I am feeling (cautiously) optimistic, as I know there is a lot out of my control here. 

I don't want my positivity to sound insensitive, nor do I want to be naive. I am now 36, and we have been trying naturally for a year to get pregnant. After blood work and ultrasound last Fall showed no negative results for me (normal FSH, AMH, general physiology),we turned to my partner, and BINGO: his semen analysis resulted in "male factor infertility" (low #, speed, morph). Discussions with my OB/GYN and IVF clinic led us into IVF (plus, my insurance covers the bulk). 

So here we are. One the one hand, I can't help but feel really good: it's not me, I should have quality eggs; on the other hand, I am very anxious for the actual results, and whether we can get egg and sperm to miraculously meet, and later, successfully transfer. We are doing PGS, and ICSI. Plus our clinic recommends FET, so if we have embryos, it'll be weeks before transfer. Oh, the wait!

I am internalizing and embracing my health and what is/not in my control, which actually makes me feel really good, but I can't help but feel scared about what's around the corner - possible failure, and feeling like it's my fault. One day at a time sounds cliché, but guess I'd better start embracing the motto... Strength in my heart, clarity in my mind... One day at a time... Just writing this note feels cathartic! 

No big ask of any of you, though I do hope that whether good or bad, I can continue to "journal" among folks who are experiencing the IVF journey, each unique in their own right. I have appreciated reading your stories, and welcome your observations of mine.