Hello, everyone.

As a reminder of my situation, I've been married almost 41 years, have spent several years wishing for a divorce. Finally got all my financial paperwork together and went to a Divorce Financial Planner (who knew there was such a job?). We talked for two hours. About an hour into it, the woman said, "I don't hear in anything you've said about your husband that you really want a divorce!" She said, "It seems to me that you value your marriage and your experiences, but you really don't like the way you LIVE together." Why don't you just have him buy you a house for yourself so you can live the way you want?" She had asked me if I wanted to date and I said no.

We role-played how I would bring up the conversation. I had been looking at a house that would be perfect for me. I drove by the house on the way home and saw a realtor and some other people looking at it. I called my realtor and asked her to check to see if there had been an offer made. She called back and said yes.

So, yesterday morning, I gulped hard and told my husband I wanted a new house for me. He was shocked, and said, "how serious are you about a divorce?" I found myself thinking back to all the times he has taken care of me (most recently a month ago when I had cancer surgery), how I value his friendship, but also how his living habits make me crazy (he's a hoader). We both have terrible colds right now and we take turn making homemade chicken soup for each other. I said, "I can't live like this any more. I want my own place, but I want to be available to make chicken soup with you, travel with you, and be your friend."

I showed him the info about the house (it's a foreclosure and selling for $100,000 less than its value). I said that there was another offer on the house and I wanted to move forward and it had to be yesterday. I told him where it was (in a retirement community where we have friends) and he said, "Go for it." You could have knocked me over with a blade of grass!

Upshot is that we met with the realtor and decided to make a full-price cash offer. It has opened discussions between us that we should have had years ago about what we want in our future, how we want to live, etc. He did not want to put the house solely in my name, which is what I wanted, and we are still negotiating what our life will look like, how often we'll be together, etc. We are still planning a trip to Japan at the end of the year.

This morning, the realtor called and said that we should know by the end of the day today whether our offer will be accepted, but that the selling agent said it looked very good. Apparently, the bank likes the idea of a full-price cash offer and the other parties offered less than that.

This is not a total break, but it gives me some "space" to call my own. I want to create a house that is environmentally friendly, I want to change my diet to more healthful living, etc. I'll be 65 years old this year, and it feels good to start over, but also to have the support of my husband. I won't have to go through the trauma of telling our families that we are getting divorced. I'm not sure how we will explain it to friends and family who may think this is pretty weird!

I talked with an old friend last night and she said that her sister and her husband have been living this way for years because her sister doesn't believe in divorce. Another friend of mine and her husband have two homes; she uses one for her art studio and gallery but also stays there when she wants to.

I guess this isn't as unusual as I thought, but I'm going to give it a try and see if it works. If not, I'll have a paid-for home!

Any thoughts? Am I crazy? Anyone know of anyone who has made this work? Any suggestions?