Marijuana Addiction & Recovery Support Group
This community is dedicated to those looking to overcome their addiction to marijuana, a drug produced from parts of the cannabis plant. Join the group to find support among people who are also looking to cease their habit of smoking marijuana, share your experience, and get advice. It's not easy to kick the habit, but together we can.
What happened the last time you smoke? What about the experience encouraged you to want to stop?
I took my last hit on a job. I felt out of control. I was too talkative, a terrible side effect for me. I felt vulnerable. Later I wanted more. I was smoking with a new coworker, and didn't want to ask for more.
I had cut down from smoking all day every day for years to going months without pot in the 9 months prior to that hit, because of "hitting bottom" and coming to my knees and wanting to stop, but not yet working a 12 step program. I had had that moment of clarity where I knew I was such an addict and pot had become my god, and I knew I had to turn away, and it was a slow process.
I didn't know it would be my last hit that day, but as of today, it was. It was in Oct. 04. I found myself in MA online a month later and at an MA convention in Feb. 05 and haven't had a drink or drug since, as of today, one day at a time.
I took my last hit on a job. I felt out of control. I was too talkative, a terrible side effect for me. I felt vulnerable. Later I wanted more. I was smoking with a new coworker, and didn't want to ask for more.
I had cut down from smoking all day every day for years to going months without pot in the 9 months prior to that hit, because of "hitting bottom" and coming to my knees and wanting to stop, but not yet working a 12 step program. I had had that moment of clarity where I knew I was such an addict and pot had become my god, and I knew I had to turn away, and it was a slow process.
I didn't know it would be my last hit that day, but as of today, it was. It was in Oct. 04. I found myself in MA online a month later and at an MA convention in Feb. 05 and haven't had a drink or drug since, as of today, one day at a time.
as for me, I last smoked on January 25th right before seeing Revolutionary Road. hey I just realized- it's been 2 months. hooray!
anyway, i've come to realize that although marijuana offers a lot of great things, overall, it just isn't worth it.
I'm probably less creative sober, and I've completely lost touch with my spiritual side, but at the same time, I am much, much sharper, school is easier, I can REMEMBER things (like what I did during the day), and I am starting to feel real emotions again. I don't regret being a pothead, but I feel so far beyond it that it almost feels like a past life.
oh, and as far as specifics on my last puff: I was very energetic and annoying, quite childish, and eventually just felt confused and stupid. It wasn't a pleasant experience by any means.
peace and good night.
Now my breathing has improved immensely and will only get better. The cough has gone too.
(Random fact: My therapist told me that when you quit smoking it takes 7 years for your lungs to get back to normal. After you've quit for 1 year, you halve your risk of getting lung or heart disease. Who knows if it's true but it could be.)
My last smoke was right before going into rehab. I knew that I would not be doing it again so I went out with a big "puff of smoke" literally. I sat down with a buddy and we smoked a whole 1/4 ounce in one night. I was so sick of smoking by the time we finished. I knew I was done!
I bottomed out. I knew I had to quit - was wheezing, wasn't communicating to any loved ones, wasn't taking care of my body or taking care of my responsibilities, wasn't taking care of my mind, wasn't breathing too well, wasn't using my gifts at all. But I kept getting high, and then just sitting there on the couch, not wanting to do all the things that I'd lied to myself when I told myself that pot would motivate me. Ugh.
I had a bag over the course of new years eve, and I had bottomed out just before then. It wasn't so much a "new years resolution" but quitting did coincide with the new year, and I thought, "All the better". It took me until Jan 2nd to finish my bag. Then on Jan 3rd I scraped my one-hitter, and smoked it. Then on Jan 4th I was about to get another bag - and forego my resolution. But I felt like such such a loser. I had already played the "one more bag" game for months upon months.
My last smoke on January 4th came from dusty, grimy flakes of weed mixed with probably some food crumbs, that had accumulated in the cracks of my coffee table. I gathered it together using a match. Got 2 or 3 nasty-ass hits. Ugh. It was the worst. And I am so glad to have left it on such an obvious low. Good riddance.
My disdain for weed was very strong initially - and my thrill of brain capacity was hugh. So now, after almost 80 days, I actually feel like I am entering a high-risk of relapse phase. Now that I am used to my brain again, and I am starting to take my breathing for granted again. I am though, determined not to smoke. I have to say though, that the occasional longing scares me. Especially when I didn't really have longing in the initial phases of sobriety.
Those are demons I haven't wrestled with entirely yet. Working on it.
I would definitely say I am an addict. Maybe there are different intensities of addiction, I don't know. But there are lots of addicts who go without and yet they are still addicts.
I've been smoking daily for 20 years, and have been trying to quit for over half of that time. I couldn't go without, and I couldn't stop.
I tried to cut down...that was a joke. I tried just smoking on the weekends...that was a joke. I tried just smoking at night...that was a joke.
I think it is an addict who knows when something is going to be so wrong, but does it anyway. "I have a job interview...aw well, I'll just smoke a little". Bad idea. "I have a family gathering and am supposed to communicate with grandma...ah well, I'll just smoke a little." Bad idea. "I have a project to complete on a deadline, I shouldn't smoke...but I do". Bad idea. On and on like this, for almost 20 years...I allowed my addiction to have priority. And I have suffered for this. Its like, my brain knows what is right, but then it gets totally clouded when I start to crave for more of that buzz. I'd say that is an addiction.
For more on the ways that I felt addicted, check out this journal entry of mine:
http://dailystrength.org/people/350225/journal/1468926
Then why, you may ask, have I been able to abstain for almost 80 days while only really jonesing for it a handful of times?
For one, this time when I bottomed out, I bottomed out with an extreme intensity. I pushed the herb away with great fervor. It would be like pushing a big tire swing. The swing didn't stop, it just went far away for awhile. I pushed it away with extreme loathing. What tends to happen then, is instead of just coming to a stillness wherein I don't crave weed, it comes back to hit me just like a swing would rebound back to the pusher.
This has been my habit. I am aware of it. There have been a handful of times over 20 years when I've been able to abstain without craving much. 6 or 9 months tops happened twice. During this time I was involved in a honeymoon phase with my sobriety. I was also in new situations and environments, and everything was going well. But I'd say it is certainly an addiction when, after the honeymoon phase is over, or as soon as I start disdaining my current situation, I smoke with an extreme self-destructive intensity.
It isn't like I just dance away from it and then go back to lightly dabbling. It is more like a love-hate relationship.
This time around though, I am a little smarter and am wary of my patterns more. I have written extensively about my habits, I know when to expect the cravings. Also, not only do I have dailystrength, but I also have an in-person support group and a sponsor.
It is still tough at times. For many people the toughest times are the initial weeks. For me, the toughest times so far, are right now.
In my opinion there is a spiritual solution to the ailment of addiction. In my case my recovery started when I reached for my higher power to fill that hole I tried for so many years to fill with pot.