These dreams are just starting to get really bad and vivid.  It's always one to two weeks after quitting weed and then I start getting really really great dreams fun dreams dreams that I never remember before  when I smoked weed. Then after a little while in my dream something turns and it starts going downhill. A good dream always turns into a really really really bad dream to the point where I wake up every single time and hour and a half to an hour and 45 minutes to hours max and then I'm in a panic  when I wake up.

 I think this must be from using marijuana over 20 years being 37 right now I can say that's been most of my life getting high smashing those emotions putting it all down having the weed to calm me Down  when in the end all I was doing was the exact opposite and making my life a living hell being addicted to marijuana. Let me repeat that my life has been a living hell while being addicted to marijuana.

 In many ways even before I smoked weed my life wasn't good but looking back I was a little kid I could have gotten over that stuff but I chose weed because it gave me this level of calmness or getting out of my head in school and in life.

 I had ADHD of time before I started smoking and then when I first took my hit  the last thing I had to think about that's how fast my mind is racing all the time.

 So here I am 20 years later almost 2 weeks clean and now comes the torrent of bad dreams with my repressed emotions my mind just can't shut up.

 I got an hour and 45 minutes sleep went to bed at 2 a.m. Woke up at 3:45 with the right on the DOT and now I lay awake thinking I don't even want to go back to sleep because I know for a fact that in another 2 hours or so at 6 a.m. I'm going to wake up from another awful dream.  And then by that time I don't go back to sleep no matter what, stay up until around 8 a.m.  Fall back to sleep cuz I'm so tired wake up at 10 stay up for another few hours until I'm dead tired again from all the waking up night before and then the cycle begins again.

 I need to go talk to a psychologist I can't get on meds again the side effects of this too great no matter what it is. When I was a kid I went on antidepressants and anti-anxiety because of the time nobody told me about ADHD and how that was affecting my life. But I was going to say is I tried killing myself on meds a long long time ago because my mom went to get me a pizza one night. I tried being on Wellbutrin and then about tripping really hard and hitting my head on the ground I never did tell my parents then.

 Thank you weed for helping making my life a living hell, you never been good to me, you might have been there every time I want to do, but never needed you. you always lied to me saying just smoke it it's all good ,you are the worst thing that ever happened in my life. when I should have been working on myself  I turn towards you for relief, but that was never the case. the relief I thought I was getting was only the weed lying to ....me that's probably the most messed up thing in the world being a pothead for me.

 Talking to my computer doing voice recognition sorry about the long post

very early I so sorry for anything punctuation errors or if it's hard to understand.