Lying Community Group
For those who have very deep problems that associate them to lie to those that they love and know. If this is one of you, please join.
Hello, i am 30 years old and have a nag for lying to my boyfriend on stupid things (were together for like 5 years - started having issues since 3 years back) - even tho i get caught on my lie, i still try to justify it or even convince him that i did not mess up and we are at a point that he is beyond able to forgive me, unless if i do something. So, im trying to do something, now an example of what i lie about is the following: he asks for help and I do like 10% of it, and when he asks if i finished my part of the work i say "yes" when it's not true (now he doesn't mind i don't finish at all or even dont anything- but he hates that i lie that i "did it"). And that's mostly like a general example of what i do almost everyday i lie for little things or if i screw up on something i just don't want to own the mess up that i did, and i acknowledge that i try to "convince" myself that i am not wrong also. The whole issue is i don't want to be wrong or that i did not make a mistake and i just want to deny it all the time. Now my boyfriend is mostly angry at me because if i really do have a real problem i would not tell him.
He mentions is a childlike/teen mentality but the thing is i know i am like that for a long time and even m family is the same way but i am not bothered with it? because at the end i let them speak what makes them happy or feel comfortable and as a family, if we need the support we just say it, and i do believe its a habit we all have also. But my relationship is completely different from my partner so i need like feedback or tips or anything at this point to get started on to trying to accept that "my way of thinking" is not correct and find more ways to fix it and to be honest i always tell him that i will try and find a way to fix it but i always fall the same pattern all over again just lying for dumb things just not to get in trouble and either way i been caught im STILL trying to get myself out of trouble. So any help or feedback would be appreciated as i don't know where to start - and thru my understanding eventually, it gets worst? i been like this for a long time but never grew to anything more than issues like that. thank you.
#1 acknowledgement and awareness.
Knowing that you are a liar is important. Knowing that you CAN change is also important. For me, it's often that I am too lazy to put in the effort to actually intentionally being honest and telling the truth.
#2 speaking openly about your lying problem to your significant other.
I have found that, even though it is extremely painful, awkward, confusing, and embarrassing, it is better for both you and your significant other to understand your lying patterns and reasoning together.
#3 take time to introspectively understand why you choose to lie. Don't give yourself excuses.
Own up to what you have done and plan out ways that you are going to tell the truth. Even if you lie, the sooner the better that you admit it. It only becomes easier when you can talk about how wrong you are. It's hard, but it's worth it.
#4 the most important thing is Jesus (in my opinion)
I've known about God for the majority of my life, but I've never followed His commands. I called myself a Christian but I only lived a life of functional atheism. God is a person who has desires and commands for His creation. He knows everything; that means that he also knows what is best for us, even if we think it's bad.
John 10:10 "I have come to give life and life abundantly ."
Job 2:10, ..."Shall we accept good and not 'bad' from the Lord?" (That is, what we think is bad, but is actually is good but we just can't see it).
John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.