This is like post traumatic stress syndrome. And what happened is trauma for sure! Talking about it will help. Problem is, your family and friends will get tired of that pretty quickly and really wont get why you are so upset. As my husband says, "Well, you are safe now." Yeah, but....
You might try to see a psychologist or even just your minister for counseling so you can freely talk about how you feel. Venting on here helps a little. Try to get out of the house every day, even if you just sit on the porch. So what exercise you can, outside if you can. Walk around the block or just around in the yard as you are able. Try to connect with people and plan something fun a couple of times a week. It might be visiting a garden center or going out for a salad. It might even be doing a craft kit at home.
Facing you mortality is a big deal. We all have to do it at some point or another and all of us deal with it differently. Just acknowledging that it is really scary is a start. Good luck.
Mary Ann

This is going to sound "trite" and waaay tooo easy, but after some severe bouts with SLE and nearly checking out of this world and into the next, I've learned one thing:

We have to CHOOSE to "let it go". We have to choose our thoughts like we choose our clothes - carefully and with consideration. And we don't have to entertain every thought that pops into our heads. So, when I find myself thinking, "OMG this could be bad." I don't search it on the interweb, I asses. I ask myself : Does this warrant a trip to the doc? If so, make the appt and forget it. If not, just forget it.

It's simple...and essential. We can drive ourselves crazy with what ifs.

I noticed years ago that my anxiety meltdowns over my symptoms usually occurred at night, and they often followed a challenging day.

So I don't think they're psychological, they're more biochemically induced by illness. Somehow that helps me a bit to know that, at least I know I'm not this Don Knotts type person...if anybody remembers him.

The main thing is that these feelings of doom and medical crisis seem to fade with the morning sun. So I get up early in the morning and try to stay busy, even if it's just cleaning one of my aquaria...I got those for stress relief, but I worry too much about the fish....LOL.

That way I get sleepy at night, and have bad dreams instead of anxiety attacks...LOL. It's the lesser of two evils. This morning I noticed that my muscles were all tense when I woke up. After doing a relaxation thing, the spasms and pain faded and I got up for the day.

It's a strange way to live for sure...I mean who gets stressed out and tense from sleeping?...truly weird. But isn't everything about chronic illness weird? I take comfort in the fact that the bad stuff doesn't last long...anxiety attacks and their irrational thinking usually fade fairly quickly after I get moving with gardening or something.

My advice is find something to distract your mind. Personally I can't do multitasking, so distraction works...usually.

Thanks for your replies. I do see a psychologist sporadically (can't afford to see her all the time) and from her recommendations I do the distraction thing a lot. Its just those quiet times when I'm going to bed or sitting alone in my living room that these thoughts creep up on me. its just so frustrating.
I have 2 mantras: Just breath & Its going to be ok. I repeat them over and over to myself and it helps to ease the panic and anxiety, most times.
Its good to be reminded I'm not alone. I mean, I know I'm not, but sometimes we just feel so alone ya know? I have amazing support from family and friends, but its overwhelming for them too, so sometimes I leave them alone.
If only there were a magic want to fix everything...

RichieD is right - "So I don't think they're psychological, they're more biochemically induced by illness. "

When I feel like my limbs are going to fall off...I get anxiety. Wouldn't anyone? I've had a blistering headache/flare for four weeks - and there are times I'm like, "Geez, I must be dying."

It's time like those I have to focus on something else and decide not to think about it. Make the doc appt...and drop it. It's easier said than done...but it has to be done.

Hello,
I am very sorry about the stress you are under. We all go through such stages at one point, where we are worried about further health-disasters and such a reaction is not uncommon.
When I was finally diagnosed with SLE and MCTD plus Antiphospholipid Syndrome and some others like Sicca and Sjoegren's Syndrome etc., I was completely horrified and then I panicked, especially when I realized that doctors did not know much about these diseases either and the medications to assist me in a flare-up were much too coarse for my sensitive body-system and gave me no medical help but they gave me drug-intolerance and many allergies... So there was no help there either ...
I then concentrated to learn as much as I possibly could about my own individual set-up of "my own" SLE and MCTD. After that task I concentrated to learn and find out what really could relax me and after that I learned that the best relaxation for me is taking a relaxing bath when I am really stressed and I also started to learn how to play the piano. That really helped me a lot and took away lots of the devastation and horror about these diseases. From then on I regularly took relaxing herbal baths, whilst listening to classical music at the same time and concentrated on how to play the piano because that was something I always wanted to do. Because of my unpredictable health-situation I could not take piano-lessons from a teacher, so I started to find self-learn-books and learned on my own. This helps me such a lot to put up with these devastating diseases. It also helps me also to stop thinking too much about the possibilities of flare-ups, because when a flare-up comes along, I know it soon enough anyways....
I do hope you have a chance to learn your own individual ways to relax and I wish you all the best luck. Please let us know how you are getting along.
Best wishes from Kristina.

After many years I still spaz out on occassions of intense pain; mine is the fear of strokes.

The thing is, like the others have said, is to still the mind. When I get at my worse I close my eyes and draw a square square in my mind. Deep breath, hold, count to 3, let it out while drawing a horizontal line, hold for 3, Deep breath, hold for 3, llet it out while drawing the verticle line, hold for 3, Deep breath, hold for 3' etc.

Usually after 3 or 4 squares the pain meds kick in and the anxiety subsides. Sometimes the brain fog will bring on the anxiety as well.

Just remember to take good care of yourself, be nice to yourself and not judgemental. Keep looking for ways to calm your poor stressed out self.

That's a good tactic. Thanks for that! I'll use that one next time.

One other thing that I try to use in the daily grind is this: When I feel really useless (like during this flare) I try to picture my very best friend with the same condition. And, knowing what I know about my disease how hard would I be on her? It really changed my perspective.

Thanks everyone. I've been doing a little better. I'm back at work full time now, and being busy helps distract me. I still feel overwhelmed from time to time.. but I think that will go on forever. I've started to pain watercolours and I'm attempting to sew a skirt, so hopefully these hobbies help :)
For calming myself, I use breathing techniques and I'm going to try meditation. If only I could turn my brain off from time to time... sigh.

Hello again,
it sounds as if you are slowly "getting there" and I am very pleased for you...
Best wishes and good luck from Kristina.

P.S. ... and please don't be too impatient... it takes a bit of time ....

I have awful stress and also have PTSD. But the stress is just being overwhelmed to point of panic although there is no loud heartbeat I just feel overrwrought and when I think to breathe I then take in short breaths - mementarily forgetting how to breath - I hold my breath taking quick loud breaths - all the wrong kind of breathing. A psychologist dxd me w/ Hyperventilation Syndrome. And oddly breathing slowly into a paperbag 7 breaths did help - I will have to start again. Also I was trying to decrease my ant-ianxiety med (K) and realized after a month it was not working. I have only increased back to 1-1/2 tabs I was on 2. Trying to make it on a-1/2 (take at night).