LOVE ADDICTION Community Group
This forum will help all who wish to recover and gain some tools to be able to cope and deal with the issues stemming from our emotional problems that are hurting our relationships on a day to day basis...The relationship with ourselves as well as others...The solution is here for the taking..
God, I can't stop thinking about him. He's all I think about. I have this obsession with psychics too. Ugh, I don't know. Sometimes it seems as if they are right. Other times, I know for a fact that they are wrong. It's this place I go to in person or over the phone. But I'm always asking them questions about what's going to happen with D. If he's coming back. If he's realizing that he lost a good thing. I don't know. I just miss him so much. I wish I could talk to him.
It's been a month since I last talked to him. So, out of desperation and missing him, I called him, but his phone was disconnected. I don't know why. But I have a feeling it's because he didn't pay his bill and doesn't have any money. The last time I hung out with him, he was looking for a job and told me that he didn't have any money to pay for any of his bills. Plus he phone got disconnected one time because he didn't have money at that time. It wouldn't make sense that he would change his number because of me. I didn't harass him when I ended it with him.
But it's like I can't stop crying. Everything reminds me of him. Now that I can't get a hold of him, I feel like driving over to his house. He lives 80 miles from me so it's kinda far. But I got so use to seeing him all the time that I drive towards his place sometimes when I don't have anything else to do because I miss him. Just knowing that I'm so close to him makes me feel at least alittle comforted. It sucks I swear, when the one you grew to love doesn't love you back.
I tried to look up his home phone number on my old cell phone bills, but since I changed carriers, the old one doesn't have record of it anymore. So I'm stuck. STuck knowing that i can never get a hold of him. I could go to his house, but his house is gated with a senile (don't know if that's spelled right) german shepard running around the front yard that she would probably bite me. I don't want to look like a fool and yell for him at the front. That's very embarrassing, esp. when he lives with seven brothers and sisters, all in their early 20s with the youngest one being 10.
He's always on my mind. I thought I saw him on the freeway the other day and he exited in downtown. He looked like he saw me, but didn't say anything to me. Today I went there on the same exit to see if I could see his car. I wondered if he was there to see another girl. FUCK this shit hurts soooooo bad!!!! All I do is cry over him, pacing back and forth in my house, or driving around listening to music just to distract myself or hope the pain will go away that way. This is torture. When will it end? How will it end?
I keep thinking that maybe it's because I'm still getting over my bronchitis that it's making me hard to get over him. I mean, I really can't be outside, I can't workout, I really can't go out with friends and have a drink. Plus with me being down like this and D being the only main thing on my mind, I don't want to burden them with my problems. It's very hard for me to just switch my thinking and not think of him while out with friends. I guess it's cuz I still love him.
I'm so stuck. I want him. Yet he doesn't want me. It's hard to face that this is the end of it. He only wanted sex from the getgo. Why couldn't I just cut him off right then?
It's been a month since I last talked to him. So, out of desperation and missing him, I called him, but his phone was disconnected. I don't know why. But I have a feeling it's because he didn't pay his bill and doesn't have any money. The last time I hung out with him, he was looking for a job and told me that he didn't have any money to pay for any of his bills. Plus he phone got disconnected one time because he didn't have money at that time. It wouldn't make sense that he would change his number because of me. I didn't harass him when I ended it with him.
But it's like I can't stop crying. Everything reminds me of him. Now that I can't get a hold of him, I feel like driving over to his house. He lives 80 miles from me so it's kinda far. But I got so use to seeing him all the time that I drive towards his place sometimes when I don't have anything else to do because I miss him. Just knowing that I'm so close to him makes me feel at least alittle comforted. It sucks I swear, when the one you grew to love doesn't love you back.
I tried to look up his home phone number on my old cell phone bills, but since I changed carriers, the old one doesn't have record of it anymore. So I'm stuck. STuck knowing that i can never get a hold of him. I could go to his house, but his house is gated with a senile (don't know if that's spelled right) german shepard running around the front yard that she would probably bite me. I don't want to look like a fool and yell for him at the front. That's very embarrassing, esp. when he lives with seven brothers and sisters, all in their early 20s with the youngest one being 10.
He's always on my mind. I thought I saw him on the freeway the other day and he exited in downtown. He looked like he saw me, but didn't say anything to me. Today I went there on the same exit to see if I could see his car. I wondered if he was there to see another girl. FUCK this shit hurts soooooo bad!!!! All I do is cry over him, pacing back and forth in my house, or driving around listening to music just to distract myself or hope the pain will go away that way. This is torture. When will it end? How will it end?
I keep thinking that maybe it's because I'm still getting over my bronchitis that it's making me hard to get over him. I mean, I really can't be outside, I can't workout, I really can't go out with friends and have a drink. Plus with me being down like this and D being the only main thing on my mind, I don't want to burden them with my problems. It's very hard for me to just switch my thinking and not think of him while out with friends. I guess it's cuz I still love him.
I'm so stuck. I want him. Yet he doesn't want me. It's hard to face that this is the end of it. He only wanted sex from the getgo. Why couldn't I just cut him off right then?
Try to relax and come to depend on some higher or deeper source, a source of love that is already within you, independent of another human being. As soon as you depend on another human being for spiritual sustenance, even if they could consistently deliver, you've given up all control over your own life, and you're doomed.
How old are you? If in your early 20s, I understand completely. The raging hormones, the out-of-control emotions...it's all wild. Maybe this is what he couldn't handle. Maybe in his mind, he's able to separate sex from emotions and you're not. Maybe, for so many women, like yourself, sex IS love.
There will be a lot of ladies here who can probably offer better advice. Might want to re-post your post in Healthy Relationships, as it'll get a lot more traffic.
Please work on your self esteem and activities for you,I know it's hard.Come here and have people round you who are good for you.
All I can compare this to it feels like I am grieving like if he died or something.I miss him so much and I miss talking to him but I know that this is more of an addiction than anything else.I am in therapy and taking meds for depression but I don't feel that it is doing anything for me (I don't go to therapy as frequently as I should and I think i need to go to a therapist who specializes in addictions) .
All I can tell you is that you are not alone sweetheart, keep your head up and things will get better but only with time, we can all help each other get through this!I feel the same way like I don't want to burden my friends with my problems especially since none of them understand and they look at me like I'm crazy.At night it's the hardest time for me.It's when i want to call him the most and when I can't sleep thinking about him... I imagine him with other women and worry about someday finding out he has moved on and made another family. Contacting him yesterday was the worse mistake I could have made it took me back to square one and I am starting all over.I feel like a drug addict who just relapse.
I sure understand and was obsessive as hell yesterday. I felt very out of control with wanting to call him despite the fact that I was INCREDIBLY busy at work. It did not matter that I had many things I was involved in and that I had things to attend to after work.
That obsession felt like a plague yesterday, a real addiction in which nothing could be right until I received a callback. The callback doesn't really resolve the underlying obsession or issue, though. It is never satisfying when it is not in the context of a healthy relationship.
I go to CODA meetings but really want to see a particular therapist who specializes in relationship addiction. Problem is she is definitely not on my plan and charges a whole lot of money. Am sick of trying with new therapists who have no clue about this disease and try to address it with me as though these were "run of the mill" relationship issues. They are not. I behave in a sick, unhealthy manner and if there were Women's only SLAA meetings anywhere in my area, I'd go. I've been researching it and researching it but there are only coed meetiongs.
Have you tried that fellowship or any fellowship to get more help with the obsession and pain that goes with it?
This really does describe very well what happens... It's like continually beating a hammer over your head. It feels good only when you aren't doing it! Usually the response that I am looking for (TRUTH/OPENESS) is never complete or satisfying and results in the feeling of being bammed with the hammer. I am working on trying to grab the hammer and stop the pain. I guess it comes down to us TAKING ACTION! We have to take control of our environment and move away from self-pity or feeling defeated. Believe me I know how hard this is I've been struggling with this type of relationship for about 20 years. For some many years I lived in denial I'm guessing I did not want to feel the pain of what was right there in front of me.
Good luck to all of us here! I believe that the simple fact of us being here in this forum means there is great HOPE for us!
I think the only way is to completely cut off contact from the one that causes the pain. The hardest part is trying to focus on yourself and spending quality time with yourself rather than thinking or obsessing over what the other person is doing. Really we are all smart and know that we don't have the ability to predict what the other person is doing. I guess if they have chosen not to communicate with us then we have to move on and leave them behind.