Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.

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What should I do?

Xoxo87
Xoxo87

Hello, I'm new here, and will try to keep it short. 


In the beginning of October I met this guy through social media. He and I hit it off right up front, however we have talked about being hurt and our insecurities people flirting with us back and forth on social media had caused us some issues, but I think I may have gone overboard with my trust issues.


Some of the people that make comments on his social media are people that are friends of his son who is no longer with us comma and I did not know this so I ended up making comments about how I was jealous about it and he told me that it was off-putting because he is protective of his son's friends because they are sort of all he has left. I didn't know who these people were so I basically made a fool of myself. We had plans to see each other this New Year's Eve to be with each other for the first time but he said he thinks we should postpone it until I am confident and trust him to know that he would never do anything to hurt me.


 he and I have even talked about me moving to where he is or him moving to where I am but now I don't even know if it's possible. He barely talks to me and says we are quote on quote still together but I don't know where to go from here. I don't know where they're too just let him contact me or contact him first I just feel like, I have pushed him away..

brandnewangel
brandnewangel
i suggest you read women who love too much!!! It's a very helpful book... but from sounds of it you haven't even met and already acting this way I would have concerns, but the biggest mistake people make is they bring their past relationships into their new one..everyone is guilty of this which honestly end up really killing the relationship.


The one thing does raise red flags for me is you met beginning of October and already talking about re-locating ... take your time


I would contact him and ask him if he's still interested or not!!!
Xoxo87
Xoxo87
yes, I do love too hard. I mean, what gets me, is he approached ME. I told him I wanted to take things slow and once I showed him that I didn't trust him. he cancelled our plans. I have been heartbroken.
I did ask if we were still together... he said yes, but he was busy. hours later he said he wasn't blowing me off and that he had somethings to take care of. I told him no worries... But that was it.... i wish he would change his mind about New Year's. I was really looking forward to it. and now I blew it
LyndseyD
LyndseyD
I know how you feel. I've been in a Long Distance Relationship for five months now and people's lives can get busy and you often feel like you did something wrong. This doesn't help the situation when the other is probably feel like they stood you p or hurt you in some way indirectly. Also, since you've only met them recently, it's understandable that New Year's is a little soon. If you are looking for a substitute I'd suggest Valentine's Day since it's a bit more ideal and romantic ;) But, to be 100% honest, I feel that you should talk it out with him, understand how he is feeling, and then in turn tell him how you are feeling with 100% honesty. Long Distance Relationships are dependant on honesty and communication. If you continue to struggle after you try to talk it out or he pushes you away repetitively, then I would let him know that it isn't working out. I know it will be tough, but it will be better for the both of you so that you don't end up feeling like you CAN'T leave the relationship when you no longer feel comfortable with it. Hope this helped :)
Xoxo87
Xoxo87
Thank you..
we have talked about it, he says he doesn't want to wait any longer to see me... he said he wants to work on each other with time.
LyndseyD
LyndseyD
That's awesome! I wish the best for you both :)
Xoxo87
Xoxo87
So we got into an argument because I saw that he's been flirting a lot to the point to where he tells someone he wishes he was where she was. he told me he was too old to deal with my jealousy.. said we should go 24 hrs without talking. he unfriended me... so I guess he's done... I am so heartbroken. and i cried all day yesterday
LyndseyD
LyndseyD
Oh my gosh...I can't believe that...I feel so sorry for you. To be 100% honest though, someone who does not confront your jealousy with comfort and support and verification of their love, they are not worth a second of your time. They did not see you for who you were. Remember that there IS someone out there who would do ANYTHING to restore and preserve your happiness above all. He was not the one. I am so sorry that you had to go through this and I just want you to know that whoever that guy was, was not good enough to see the beauty someone else will see in you. Good luck. I hope this helps you :)
Xoxo87
Xoxo87
Thank you I appreciate it I noticed that he has been on social media saying that he's not really looking for a relationship and posting things that give him attention with women to feel sorry for him so it's okay I'm just going to delete the pictures block him and move on
Xoxo87
Xoxo87
I cried for a few days but I'll be okay
brandnewangel
brandnewangel
This reminds me of my ex ugh but if my guy said that to another woman I would be done but here are some songs that helped me

Almost lovers-a fine frenzy
Really don't care-Demi lovato
Almost over you-sheena Easton
Wrecking ball-Miley Cyrus
Everything back but you-Avril Lavigne
I don't give-Avril Lavigne
Someone like you-Adele
Fighter-Christina Aguilera
Feels like forever-Lacey sturm
So I thought-flyleaf
Rot-Lacey sturm
Walk away-Kelly clarkson
You love me-Kelly clarkson
Painkillers-Brian Fallon
yougotthis
yougotthis
I was/am in a long distance relationship. A year and a half. Several times I have received texts meant for another woman. One was intimate and he said it was stupid, he never met her, it was just something to do online. I think he's communicating with other women. We met online! How many others? He says I'm crazy. I'm imagining things. He's so convincing but really.... It's embarrassing to be so fooled. I want to leave but I love him. We have seen each other many times. Yet there are so many red flags. I seem to be insecure and jealous. If the person I loved was not secure in my love I'd go out of my way to put his mind at ease. So, long distance is tough with trusting issues. I want to be strong and confident in myself but it's very difficult. Friends/ family are tired of hearing of it. I must not look back! I will get a backbone. Oh-I too was told that we are too old for these games.... We are 54-55. I never questioned my ex husband of 25 years. Trusted 100%.

Sounds like you have your act together. Move on darlin. You're better than that.
JenCat
JenCat
Hmmm, he says he is too old to deal with your jealousy but he is the one acting immature! Ive been in a ldr for 10 months with the love of my life and he wouldnt dream of saying those things to me or communicating with other women saying that. As hard as it is, he is showing you who he really is by his actions. Best to know early and move on.