Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.

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theguyldr 01/20/2019

Hi! I live in Colombia. My GF went to study abroad to England. We've been together for 3 years. It's been a year and a little while since she left. We've been in a lot since then and this week she decided that she will stay there when she finishes school, this September and that she doesn't want me to leave my new job here in Colombia (I started a month ago after been unemployed for a year) and that she doesn't know if she wants to stay together for the rest of our lives. We are both 26.

We've been talking about this since she left and we both agreed that it would be nice whether she returned or not. But know she says that she doesn't know if she wants a relationship right know since she's overwhelmed by her job and school. She says she still loves me and has feelings for me but She doesn't think she can maintain this relationship with so much over her.

I don't know what to do. I love her and she does too we planned on moving together and our ldr went really good, we Skyped frequently and texted good morning and good night every day.

We decided to talk things next weekend when our jobs get less stressful and her exams finish

Does anyone has any advice for me? What should I do. I really want to stay with her and obviously I would love to live in England... Please, give me any advice...

spreadmywings 01/22/2019

Damn that sounds tough. Distance seems to be a true test for any relationship. I'm trying to put myself in your shoes and think about what I would do. Well the part about her not knowing is she wants to stay together for the rest of your lives is the worrisome part. I would say that it is not fair for you to be constantly wondering whether or not she wants to be with you or not. You two have the space to do your own thing for a while and focus on your own lives. What exactly makes her doubt the relationship? Can she explain that to you? It's fine to be overwhelmed with things, but that is what a relationship is for...you are her support system. When a married couple goes through hardship they rely on eachother, they don't get flustered and all of a sudden say I don't know if this is gunna work out. What about being in a relationship with you adds to her stress and overwhelming feelings? She seems to be in a new place and wants to explore and perhaps see what else is out there. Or maybe LDR is not her thing and she can't handle the distance. You need to probe her more and find out bud.

babochka 01/24/2019

theguyldr, this is the reason: "It's been a year and a little while since she left."
You need to go visit her and try to save this relationship.

brandnewangel 01/27/2019

There are some red flags
*If someone not sure if they want a relationship that's a red flag

*also saying she doesn't know if she wants stay together for rest of your lives that's a huge. Red flag since you been together 3 years now

I think you both need to actually visit one another and talk in person figure out what you both want

Reteo 04/13/2019

Definitely some major red flags, it sounds like her ideas of what the relationship goals have dramatically changed. She seems to be trying not to directly tell you something, or is just extremely indecisive. Either way, a good talk, in person if you can, is absolutely needed. Ask good questions, advocate for yourself, listen a lot and above all be patient.

You've kinda reached the end of your original plan and need to decide what to do next.

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