Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.

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InLoveToHard 01/01/2017

So I'm 30 and my bf is 21. We are log distance, only 7 hours apart, we have met but it took us 4 years to meet face to face. I've been on and off with this guy for about 4 years..he loves to game, to the point his life now is wake up, game,go to work, come home around 1130 or 130 depending on his schedule,get me on FaceTime and then go on a game til 430 am and then go to sleep. He tells me that he spends everyday with me what more do I want, is it bad for him to enjoy something? Well I feel like going on FaceTime then playing your games until 430 am isn't really spending time with me, it's just kinda having me there yes but ur not spending time with me, ur spending time with your video games. So finally we met face to face, you would think after not seeing each other for 4 years we would be all over each other, well you're wrong, most days he was playing his games and I was laying there watching him play. I figured he would be all over me, I was totally wrong, so then when I brought that up he said "what did u expect me to do, just lay there with u and watch tv? That bores me I don't wanna do that" I get it I won't force someone to do what they don't want to, but if I'm willing to watch u game why not watch something with me? I game too so idc about the gaming, but when I voice that I feel like I'm coming second now to the games he just says "fine I'll just stop gaming forever" and that isn't what I want or what I'm even saying. I'm also 30 and he is 21 so I'm sure this now plays a factor in this relationship. Im just lost at this point and now he has a PS4 as well that he got for Xmas so when he is bored on Xbox he can just head over to the PS4 and play more games and just have me on FaceTime. It's like I can't even voice my emotions or opinions anymore. We have been through hell and back and I'm not willing to let him go but I just dunno how to get through to him at this point about what spending time together in long distance relationships means. He says he wants the physicality but clearly we can't have that right now so any ideas on how to get to him actually spend time with me or any activities we can do while being in a long distance relationship? I really just wish I had a girl friend that I could talk to and vent to cuz all of my friends are over listening to this from me and I don't tell anyone anything anymore...please help.

ALSO: So now I was talking well texting with my boyfriend, I know he isn't the biggest fan of texting because 1. It is annoying and 2. I knownwhen he plays is games that he gets focused in and I don't want to disturb that and I'd rather just let him play his game since he hates texting anyways and you would think it isn't a problem that I do that right? WRONG, I get these texts back "guessing you don't want to talk to me" and I respond saying "u said u don't like to text lol" then he says "I don't just kinda seemed like you wanted to go" so I responded "No but Ik how focused in u get on ur games and texting doesn't help u focus in on that" innocent enough honest message right? Well this is the response I get from saying something so innocent "Whatever then just fucking go then so sick of this game shit ". I don't feel I said or did anything to receive a response so hostile and defensive. We both have Saturday-Monday off and each day he is on his games from the time we wake between 1-3 pm until about 530 am or so...I mean am I wrong for wanting some time or bringing up to him that he isn't paying much attention to me or anything ?

221B 01/01/2017

my bf is a gamer too, and also is not a big fan of texting, so I totally get where you're coming from. That being said, he should be carving out time for just the two of you. You have needs too and he should be making an effort to meet those needs. I would try stating firmly and clearly what you want and what your expectations are. Don't be passive about it, especially over text because it can easily get twisted out of context. good luck!

InLoveToHard 01/02/2017

I totally agree, well we facetime daily everyday and every minute that we can but its like when he has days off or any free time,he throws me on facetime and skype and then plays his games and just pretty much narrates his games. i have been a huge gamer for the last 10 years BUT after i hit 25 i grew up and started to have other priorities in life and just didnt see gaming as important as it once was. i get it if u play for a few hours but his is when he has any free time at all even if i ask for time he gets mad and says "there i got off now happy?" and at that point with an attitude i dont even care anymore. im just at a cross roads cuz it isnt a hobby anymore, this has become a full blown addiction now. hobby ok i get it but full blown addiction its just not healthy anymore

tonya100 01/17/2017

I know exactly what you mean my boyfriend is a gamer and he likes playing Pokemon go

sarahbminor 02/28/2017

My kids had been playing this game on the Ipad and on the web browser for a while and I thought it was a harmless game on http://bagario.net/ . That was until I was watching the bubbles/skin pass by on the computer and in one of the "skins" was full on frontal nudity. I think the app is ok for kids, but since there are "skins"that are easily downloaded on the internet, the web version can be completely in appropriate. In addition there are chat boxes on the side with lots of foul language. (Yes you can put some kind of blocks on but I just would stay off of it and other web games in general.)

smileshideit 03/01/2017

If you reread your post but tried to imagine you were reading someone else's issue, what would you think? Personally this is just ridiculous. I'm not a fan of anyone who places a worldly distraction like TV or gaming over a human being. That game doesn't make anything of him. He's not learning or growing or becoming a stronger man. He's wasting away his life in front of a screen, how sad. If someone enjoys gaming then find a compromise like doing it once and awhile with someone so at least your building a friendship while doing something pointless. Just being totally honest. I use to LOVE TV. I would watch endlessly. Watched an entire season of smallville in one day which was 21 hours straight. But my boyfriend, now husband, really spoke truth over me. He told me that there was nothing to show for after all those hours. Sure I maybe laughed, cried, whatever, but I had nothing to show for myself. Ever since I cut back and now don't watch at all, I've grown and been able to become a person I'd never have been with all that distraction.

Second, this relationship is pitiful to say the least. No one should be with someone that they can go four years without seeing. That's not love. My husband and I while dating did long distance and we put every penny toward trips because it was painful to be apart. Sure we lived our lives apart but we loved being together and made great effort to do so. Also yes, when we were together we were connected at the hip. We made up for all that time apart easily. Now I'm not saying be obsessed with one another, but be in love with one another at least. Ya'll sound extremely whatever and that is not a relationship worth carrying on with. My husband is my best friend and we devote life energy to one another and always have. We don't spend more time on a game than each other. Please please get out of this dead relationship and live life. When that right man comes along you'll be best friends. He won't play a game and have you on the side, why? Because he won't be able to take his eyes off of you! It's out there, trust me! Just be patient for it and disconnect yourself from men who aren't really men but little boys playing with their toys that'll someday break and leave them lonely.

sh39 03/09/2017

It sounds to me like you aren't getting the emotional connection from the relationship that you want. If you're not happy with that situation, and it is unlikely to change, perhaps you should consider a change. (eg end it). If he's pulling the emotional blackmail all-or-nothing crap (fine I wont ever play again) that's all the more reason.

Yes, I think the age thing is showing itself. Some 21yr olds are beyond their years, others behave like they are 15. Some people take longer to grow up than others.

As far as gaming, I'm in my 40's and from time to time I like to play a game on line. However, it's one 1-2 hours a week. I like this a lot more than watching tv, so that's my unwind/zone-out activity. However, I also recognize that there is nothing redeeming that comes from that time. I'm not getting healthy, earning money, educating myself, or contributing to someone else's well being. So, I understand it to be a very selfish thing. That's ok in moderation, however it is not something that should take over your life. I know that a lot of younger people, (mostly guys) miss that point about gaming, some never grow out of it.

Texting: I too find it annoying to have long conversations via text because it's slow. If my friend texts me and we're into it 4-5 messages, I just call them. That way, we have the same conversation in 1/10 the time and they get my undivided attention. I know a number of people like this.

However, it is one thing to be annoyed because it's slow, its quite another to be annoyed that you are taking his time away from his game. (e.g.: pause the game and pick up the phone and call)

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