Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
so if any of you have heard of the book the five love languages I am a Phyiscal touch and quality time person. I was wondering if you have heard of this book, and how do you cope with the distance?
I/we cope with the distance by keeping busy with other things going on in our lives, activities, friends, we talk on the phoneevery day (usually morning and evening), visit as often as possible which for us is every few months for 3 to 4 weeks at a time and we plan for our next visit.
It's very difficult not having the physical and not being able to spend the time together but we deal with it by knowing it will all be worth it in the end when we are together permanently.
We just had a visit 3 weeks ago, so I got in tons of touch and time. He gave me a t-shirt he'd worn a few times, and I sleep with that now. I really snuggle it tightly - its still in my grasp when I wake up!
He's made 2 CD's for me. While this covers several love languages - gift, act of service, words, I tell myself that it took him awhile to make, and that during that time, his thoughts were all concentrated on me, so that counts as quality time. Same thing when I listen to it - I'm in my car, blocking out everything else, and just enjoying spending time listening to his thoughts about me expressed through music.
I am having a rought ime right now, though. We started a conversation on Thursday that was really important to me, but it got cut short. Yesterday he was super busy, so we didn't talk. Now I just found out he'll be at a trade show for work today. So I am NOT getting my quality time at the moment, and it hurts. And it sucks. I hate just waiting for him to have time for me. That's the downside to the "staying busy" part of an LDR - sometimes he's TOO busy to talk to me.
15. How do I speak my spouses love language if he/she is away from me for a time (i.e. deployment, work, school).
I am frequently asked how to apply the 5 love languages in long-distance relationships. Physical touch and quality time are particularly challenging in these instances. The simple answer is this: you must be creative and committed to staying connected despite the distance.
If your love language is physical touch, then here are a few creative ideas for speaking one anothers love language. First, having photographs of yourself as a couple may remind you of enjoyable times together. Having physical items that belong to one another may also remind you of one another. Perhaps a shirt or the cologne or perfume of your significant other may remind you of that person and of enjoyable times together. You also should email, text, write, etc., about how you enjoy being with one another. You might even try keeping a calendar on which you physically mark off the days until youre able to be with one another again. This is not a comprehensive list of ideas, but all of these are physical activities and items that will at least in part help satisfy your physical love language.
As for quality time, the time you spend staying in contact, working to encourage one another, sending one another notes and gifts, etc is quality time. Of course, its not the preferred form of quality time, but it is quality time nonetheless. You must learn to view it and appreciate it as such.
More specific ways you can express the language of quality time are to talk often about how you desire to stay close and keep your love alive. Read or re-read The 5 Love Languages together while youre apart, or listen to Dr. Chapmans podcasts, and discuss these together as a way of nurturing your relationship. This, too, requires commitment, but if you truly love one another, then youll find the energy and time to stay connected.
Use your situation as an opportunity to practice the other languages as well. Notes and gifts need to be viewed as more than just notes and gifts. They need to be viewed as physical effort and words of affirmation meant to express love.
In closing, yes, distance is difficult on a relationship, but it does not have to be the end of the relationship. Obviously, the more time you can spend together, the better. And, you should strive for this. However, if you are a committed couple and are willing to be creative in how you speak one anothers love language, then your relationship can survive and even thrive during your time apart.