Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
I knew from the start that this would happen, I was ready for this end, but I still cant avoid the sadness. I learned from my experience to read the signs when it appears. But the end is still hard to deal with.
We dont officially break up yet. No one says anything to the other. But I sense it and right now I just wait for the moment we may talk, or we may not talk but just to assume that is the end. I dont blame him. I dont hate him. In fact Im still grateful that I met him and he helped to make some of my wishes come true.
Hes the 1st British man I date. He is very traditional and very English. He doesnt like to express much about us in front of people but just some little kisses, doesnt like to talk about sex, doesnt like deep conversation...). I felt that and he admited it.
When we met the 1st time 3 months ago, he was impressed by me at the party when I danced and drank and so content about everything. When we met the 2nd time 2 months ago, he was attracted to me, still dancing, drinking, laughing, making jokes, while I was also trying to hook him up with one of my girlfriends. And he, instead, asked if Id like to walk with him to the beach. Maybe I was a bit tipsy, I kissed him and we had sex right on the beach. Before that day, I hadnt got sex during 8 months since my last break-up. Then he was totally into me the whole night, and walked me back to my room at 5 am after the party.
The next morning at the breakfast, he looked at me through his sun glasses, but I ignored him like nothing had happened. We didnt see each other the whole day. I found his name card in my purse, but I didnt make any contact. Then in the evening at the gala dinner, he came to sit next to me. After that, everybody went to the beach for some drinks, guitar, singing... He gave me his phone and asked if I can give him my number. I typed my number in his phone. And while we were on the beach, we talked through sms. He said that he had a great time with me the previous night and would like to see me again. As we live in different cities, then he asked if I was interested in a trip with him somewhere up to my choice. We were together that night too, and he walked me to my room again. After the trip, we all went home.
We were in touch almost everyday, skype, sms, phone. Sometimes, he kept me wait for 3 days no contact. I felf bad. I wondered: Why the hell do women can have feeling for men so quickly, so easily? Me included. However, when he didnt initiate the communication, I was silent too. I learned my lessons of self-esteem from my previous break-up, right here on DS. I also know the rule: A relationship needs at least 6 months for both parties to really know what we want from that relationship. Were so fresh, so new. There shouldnt have been question of feeling, nor hope, nor future. I did experience that feeling can change just over one night. I was dumped in that kind of situation before. So... whats so surprised about it? No. Not surprised at all.
After one, two or three days of no communication, he contacted me again, saying that he had a good time partying with friends, or busy working or playing rugby... He lives in my hometown
At first we didnt tell anyone about our relationship. We have a few common friends. He knows one of my very good friend. He asked me a few times: Did you tell her? I think she knows something. Im surprised that you didnt tell her.
He has a friend whose girlfriend is also a friend of mine. Suddenly, one day my girl friend called me and said: How come you didnt tell me that youre dating P? I asked: How do you know? She said: My boyfriend told me. Your boyfriend told my boyfriend so. Then gossips about us were transmitted. My friends cared about me because I had a bad bad break-up before. So they felt happy for me for making that move with P. When we talked about our friends and the gossips, we just laughed. My friends who knew him said that hes a good guy. My sister met him already and said that hes a good guy.
3 weeks ago, he came to my city. We went out with his friends one night. As planned, we went on a trip to a beautiful island. He was sweet and caring. We went back home to 2 different cities. We were still in close contact for a while.
Last week, he said that hed call me during lunch time. He didnt. Around 1h30 pm, he skyped me (at work) and talked like nothing special. I too, though feeling unsatisfied, but still talked normally. I didnt even mention about the call. Then at 3h00 pm, he sent me a sms, excused that he hadnt call. I said: No problem.
On Monday, he skyped me in the afternoon. I said that I had a work problem and would like to ask for his advice. He said hed call me in the evening. At 18h00 he sent me a sms, saying that hed call me late because he was about to have dinner with a friend. I replied: Ok. At 9h30, he called. We talked about my problem. He gave me some advice. Then he said that he was already in bed because he was so tired of work and rugby. In fact, he fell asleep already while watching TV. He woke up just to make the call that he had promised me. I said thank and we said goodnight.
On Tuesday, just a few words on skype at work. He used to send me sms when he finish a work day.
On Wednesday, no contact.
On Thursday, skype in the morning. He said he went out late on Wednesday and was hung-over at work. In the afternoon, skype again to say that he had a bad day at work. He was online in the evening but no skype, no sms.
Today Friday, its almost 7pm now. No contact.
You may say that I just make up the problem. But thats the sign. Communication is the thing for a distance relationship. His last sms was 4 days ago. This is abnormal. Its our holiday now and Im flying back to my hometown. Were supposed to meet next Monday evening and then spend the whole Tuesday together. But until now I dont hear I cant wait like he once did say to me before. Thats the sign.
I feel sad. But I dont want to try to hold him back. If his feeling becomes dull, I can let him go. No matter how sad or disapointed I am, I still dont want to have a serious talk about it because I dont want to hear what I can predict that I will hear. All those words like Im not sure I dont know I think were moving too fast Were so distant away... and all that bla bla... I already heard that in the past from other men. I dont want to hear that once again.
Id rather hold my head up high and let it go in silence. Now Im just waiting until it becomes official.
Thank you for your patience reading my short-term romance.
PS: btw, I wish the royal wedding all the best.
We dont officially break up yet. No one says anything to the other. But I sense it and right now I just wait for the moment we may talk, or we may not talk but just to assume that is the end. I dont blame him. I dont hate him. In fact Im still grateful that I met him and he helped to make some of my wishes come true.
Hes the 1st British man I date. He is very traditional and very English. He doesnt like to express much about us in front of people but just some little kisses, doesnt like to talk about sex, doesnt like deep conversation...). I felt that and he admited it.
When we met the 1st time 3 months ago, he was impressed by me at the party when I danced and drank and so content about everything. When we met the 2nd time 2 months ago, he was attracted to me, still dancing, drinking, laughing, making jokes, while I was also trying to hook him up with one of my girlfriends. And he, instead, asked if Id like to walk with him to the beach. Maybe I was a bit tipsy, I kissed him and we had sex right on the beach. Before that day, I hadnt got sex during 8 months since my last break-up. Then he was totally into me the whole night, and walked me back to my room at 5 am after the party.
The next morning at the breakfast, he looked at me through his sun glasses, but I ignored him like nothing had happened. We didnt see each other the whole day. I found his name card in my purse, but I didnt make any contact. Then in the evening at the gala dinner, he came to sit next to me. After that, everybody went to the beach for some drinks, guitar, singing... He gave me his phone and asked if I can give him my number. I typed my number in his phone. And while we were on the beach, we talked through sms. He said that he had a great time with me the previous night and would like to see me again. As we live in different cities, then he asked if I was interested in a trip with him somewhere up to my choice. We were together that night too, and he walked me to my room again. After the trip, we all went home.
We were in touch almost everyday, skype, sms, phone. Sometimes, he kept me wait for 3 days no contact. I felf bad. I wondered: Why the hell do women can have feeling for men so quickly, so easily? Me included. However, when he didnt initiate the communication, I was silent too. I learned my lessons of self-esteem from my previous break-up, right here on DS. I also know the rule: A relationship needs at least 6 months for both parties to really know what we want from that relationship. Were so fresh, so new. There shouldnt have been question of feeling, nor hope, nor future. I did experience that feeling can change just over one night. I was dumped in that kind of situation before. So... whats so surprised about it? No. Not surprised at all.
After one, two or three days of no communication, he contacted me again, saying that he had a good time partying with friends, or busy working or playing rugby... He lives in my hometown
At first we didnt tell anyone about our relationship. We have a few common friends. He knows one of my very good friend. He asked me a few times: Did you tell her? I think she knows something. Im surprised that you didnt tell her.
He has a friend whose girlfriend is also a friend of mine. Suddenly, one day my girl friend called me and said: How come you didnt tell me that youre dating P? I asked: How do you know? She said: My boyfriend told me. Your boyfriend told my boyfriend so. Then gossips about us were transmitted. My friends cared about me because I had a bad bad break-up before. So they felt happy for me for making that move with P. When we talked about our friends and the gossips, we just laughed. My friends who knew him said that hes a good guy. My sister met him already and said that hes a good guy.
3 weeks ago, he came to my city. We went out with his friends one night. As planned, we went on a trip to a beautiful island. He was sweet and caring. We went back home to 2 different cities. We were still in close contact for a while.
Last week, he said that hed call me during lunch time. He didnt. Around 1h30 pm, he skyped me (at work) and talked like nothing special. I too, though feeling unsatisfied, but still talked normally. I didnt even mention about the call. Then at 3h00 pm, he sent me a sms, excused that he hadnt call. I said: No problem.
On Monday, he skyped me in the afternoon. I said that I had a work problem and would like to ask for his advice. He said hed call me in the evening. At 18h00 he sent me a sms, saying that hed call me late because he was about to have dinner with a friend. I replied: Ok. At 9h30, he called. We talked about my problem. He gave me some advice. Then he said that he was already in bed because he was so tired of work and rugby. In fact, he fell asleep already while watching TV. He woke up just to make the call that he had promised me. I said thank and we said goodnight.
On Tuesday, just a few words on skype at work. He used to send me sms when he finish a work day.
On Wednesday, no contact.
On Thursday, skype in the morning. He said he went out late on Wednesday and was hung-over at work. In the afternoon, skype again to say that he had a bad day at work. He was online in the evening but no skype, no sms.
Today Friday, its almost 7pm now. No contact.
You may say that I just make up the problem. But thats the sign. Communication is the thing for a distance relationship. His last sms was 4 days ago. This is abnormal. Its our holiday now and Im flying back to my hometown. Were supposed to meet next Monday evening and then spend the whole Tuesday together. But until now I dont hear I cant wait like he once did say to me before. Thats the sign.
I feel sad. But I dont want to try to hold him back. If his feeling becomes dull, I can let him go. No matter how sad or disapointed I am, I still dont want to have a serious talk about it because I dont want to hear what I can predict that I will hear. All those words like Im not sure I dont know I think were moving too fast Were so distant away... and all that bla bla... I already heard that in the past from other men. I dont want to hear that once again.
Id rather hold my head up high and let it go in silence. Now Im just waiting until it becomes official.
Thank you for your patience reading my short-term romance.
PS: btw, I wish the royal wedding all the best.
Setting him aside for a moment, what do YOU want? If you want to be with him, you have to make that clear to him, no mixed signals. He's most likely using the distance as an excuse to contact you less now because he doesn't know where you stand.
You really need to take charge of your life and not sit around and wait for things to happen. If you want to save your relationship -- try. If not, then save everyone the needless drama and break things off now. Again, you have to ask yourself what you want...don't just sit around and wait for things to happen. There's two people in this relationship and you have to be proactive about things sometimes.
Your defeatest attitude will only sabotage any relationship you choose to be in if you don't keep that in check. Sorry to be harsh, but that's just the reality of the situation. I've been in your shoes before, and would hate to see anyone else go through that.
You're condemning all of your relationships with your superstitions and negativity- you need to take a step back and take a few deep breaths. Some guys don't communicate as often with their girlfriends as the girlfriends would like- one of the members on here was having issues with her boyfriend only wanting to talk about once a week. It happens. You need to tell him that you need more contact than that. Guys are different than women, and don't always feel the need to talk as often.
I would bring up the phone calls, definitely, so he knows you aren't okay with him blowing you off all the time, but I see no reason why your relationship is "coming to an end" or anything like that. The only thing that I can see that would cause your relationship to be ending right now is how sure you are that it's already over when it's not.
In fact, no matter how sad I feel of the situation, I never showed it to him. I went back to my hometown for the holiday and met him. We had a good time together. I have always been a funny girl, nice, caring, conscious, calm... And so has he. We went out with our friends. We kissed and hugged in the public.
Yesterday, after dinner, he started to talk to me.
He said: I have been thinking about us for a while. And I face the reality that my career is the most important thing to me now. I can't care much for you. And in two years I don't know whether I will still be in this country or not. I hope that you don't expecting serious things from our relationship... I think you think the same to me, isn't it?
I gave him a sweet smile and said: Yes, I think the same. Both of us, we're new in our positions at work. We have plan for our career. And there's no question that we will quit our current jobs and move to other city.
He said: I'm glad you think the same. I know that I haven't been in close contact to you last week...
I said: I know. But I didn't push you, did I?
He said: No, you didn't. I appreciate that. I don't feel any pressure from you at all. You did the right thing. We had a great time and I don't regret anything. You're a great person to know. I hope that we can be good friend and you will not mind if sometimes I contact you.
I said: I had a great time with you too. I appreciate that. Thank you for everything. Yes, I'd love to stay in touch with you.
...
Now, I'm alone at the airport, surrounded by strangers, waiting for my flight back to my city, trying to hold my tears inside.
I don't know what else God is asking from me in this life. But I'm thankful for knowing a real good man. He showed me what a good man is, how a good man behaves, how a good man treats his lady, and how a good man ends a relationship with responsibility and without breaking my heart. Now I know what I want from a man.