Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
My boyfriend of 2 years has recently moved 6000miles away to study for a year and I'm just not coping. We're used to living away from eachother as we are both at universities in different cities but have always managed to see eachother regurarly but with this new distance between us I'm finding it incredibly difficult to communicate effectively with him. I've been waking up super early to talk to him at a reasonable hour where he is but no effort is returned. He has only been gone 2 weeks and every night he has been out drinking with his new found friends. I feel he is already drifting away from me, he hides details from me and has lied about his new 'girl friends' relationship status i.e. telling me theyre also in a ldr but later contradicting himself. I've tried talking to him about how I feel and he keeps saying he'll try harder but nothing has changed. I know I have to give him chance to settle in, make friends and explore his new surroundings but I dont believe I should be forgotten about in the process. It's hard to be the one left behind, going about your normal day while he's off having the time of his life. Jealousy? oh yes big time! I've tried distracting myself with exercise and meeting my friends but this feeling of rejection is heartbreaking. What should i do???
It isn't about male or female, it's really about the brain.
It's hard. I try to be patient. But you also need to stand up for yourself and realise that if a relationship requires certain things to succeed while you're together, so to does it require certain things - perhaps differently - when you're apart.
But it's very hard to convey that to someone who's in the midst of a good time, a new adventure. You come off as needy, as obsessive, as jealous, as inadequate.
All I can suggest is that you try to do things that are good for yourself - for yourself; do not do good things for yourself and hope that they'll be there to hear about. Go out with friends, male and female - but do not attempt to seek anything other than friendship. While doing so, take selfies, take pics of your food, smile and take comfort in different relationships, and accept that emptiness that won't go away. When you can't bear it any more, seek help, reassurance, indulge in a craving, or whatever. And while doing all of this, post those pics, your check-ins and your mood status' to social media - just do things that show yourself, and him, you are having a life, too.
The first few weeks are said to be the hardest. I'm on week three... I'm feeling loneliness, emptiness, feelings like I'm to blame, resentment - everything. I'm smoking and feeling sad a lot.
But who knows, maybe after these first few weeks - for YOU - things will settle with him, and while you're out forgetting to tend to the relationship, he'll begin to miss the small things with you. Maybe it'll be him who has to get you back to earth, and maybe then it'll be time to realise that you both want it to work and you need a functioning plan to make it work.
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