I read on here a lot but never respond. Mostly because I feel my relationship isn't going great so much anymore so I cant really give advice. I would like to thank all those that do give their advice and help out. I will try to explain the situation as best as I can showing both sides. The last time I wrote it was because he had told me that hes just not sure he can make the move but he still loved me. I had a lot of good advice. Well things have went from bad to worse. We have been arguing a lot. One of the things I need from you guys is to please be honest and not hold back because at this point I am confused and clarity is more welcome than niceness. Am I taking more crap than I should or am I being to suffocating .Truthfully there very well could have been to much damage to salvage this relationship but I would like to know if its me doing it so it doesn't happen again. Little bit about us because lets face it age does determine your mindset in life. I'm 36 and widowed. Only man I was with long term before him was a guy I met when I was 15 and was with until 2006. So dating is not something I have very much experience with. I have 1 child and own my own home. Moving was never a possibility for me. I should also mention I have no friends. I know that's hard for some people to understand but I mean zero. The ones I had were couples my husband and would hang out with and when he got sick over the two year span people just drifted off. He is 31 lives at home. I am only his second girlfriend(which surprises me because hes not bad looking at all) Never been on his own. {*side note*He has a 36 year old sister in the same situation and my parents mentioned that it seems like a huge red flag 2 adult kids living at home and not trying to make their own way in life. I never really listened but I am wondering now if that is odd. I live in KY and he lives in NY so for all I know that is the norm around there.} Anyway here is some of the problems. We have been fighting for so long he was going to end the relationship. I talked him into trying again and he said yes but there seems to be new rules. He wants to basically start the relationship over from scratch. We cannot talk about him coming down and making any trips until he feels comfortable. He says that as much as we have been fighting he just doesn't want to. The idea of him moving down here would also be completely off the discussion list. He honestly doesn't know if he can ever make the move. We have not talked in a few days. Things had got so tense he wanted space (which me being me I have not been dealing well with) and is supposed to call me tomorrow. I am wondering with our history and the fact he doesn't know if he will ever be able to move if I should just go ahead and let this go and if I am starting new, heal and then try starting new with someone else. Then again I wonder if I am the one causing a lot of problems like he says then I don't want to repeat myself. So here is his complaints. My mother went through a month in the hospital and I went into a huge depression and am still struggling. I was crying a bunch we didn't think she was going to make it. Add the fact I'm having some money problems and our fighting to that. My stress levels are pretty high. After awhile he said enough. He said that I cant keep unloading all my problems all on him. My thought are well that's kinda what 2 people in love do. He said sometimes is fine but all that crying was ruining his day and he really was dreading even picking up the phone to call. He has been getting angry and yelling a bunch at me recently when I cry. Obviously him saying that and his actions hurt even more which started new fights because I felt he should be acting different than he was. I am old enough to realize you cant make someone act a certain way however am I being unreasonable expecting that behavior. Another thing we have been fighting over is how much time I see him. Unfortunately being a single mom money is to tight for me to take the trips especially since he still lives at home and I would have to get a motel room. Not to mention my car just would not make the drive. So all the trips do fall on him. He has been saying the 10 hour drives are to much for him and he is using all his vacation days to see me and he has no time for himself anymore to really get a break. That was actually the cause of our last huge fight. He took a week off from work I haven't seen him in a month and if he uses all his days I would not get to see him until who knows when he got more days and he is not using any of that week to come down here. He wanted to just stay at home and do nothing. Not to mention it is a holiday and I am tired of spending holidays alone when I have someone. My stance and thinking on this is we are only seeing each other every 2-3 months how is that so awful to make those trips. Yes the actual trip is brutal but being together is worth it. If its not to him maybe we should not be together. We have been together a year, we barely see each other and it feels like to to me if there was real love there he would be wanting to use those days on me. I really feel like I am the consolation prize. If he has something better to do he would rather do that(whether its true or not its how i feel). Onto the next issue. Some of his complaint is the fact he feels like he is being made to call me. He has always called me when he got home from work to talk some and I did freak out once when he was 1/2 hour late. I admit my bad on that part. Its a huge fear I have because the one and only time my husband was late calling when he got to work it was because a semi decided to occupy the space his car was in and that's what started us finding out he was sick when he was in the hospital and they ran tests. So yep I will admit I freaked and acted REALLY bad over it and could have handled it much better. However on that note my belief is if you call everyday at a certain time it is respectful to the other person if you decide to go out and eat or whatever to just call and let them know so they wont worry. He is feeling a bit trapped by this. (now this incident happened early in the relationship but it is still being brought up by him). He is telling me sometimes he just wants to come home play on his video game for awhile (he does work a 50 hour a week job so please don't think hes one of those losers who just lives with mommy and daddy and plays video games all day in the basement)and not feel like he has to call me. Or when he gets up and before he goes to work if he gets into his video game he doesn't want to have to watch the time and feel bad if he doesn't call me and talk to me for x amount of time. My thought is we are in LDR. Talking is all we have so of coarse I expect to be able to talk and am really getting my feelings hurt by this. When we first started to go out we talked all the time for hours and to be told he now feels like its something he has to do hurts. Which of coarse causes more fights. When I try to tell him how I feel he says he feels that he cant do anything right anymore and that I am always attacking him. That every time time he does call hes just waiting for my next complaint of what he did wrong this time. There has been something new also that while it hasn't caused a fight has made me think. He was telling me how his mom was looking for his dad and someone said oh he left the house. He pointed out that when his dad got back his mom would not have complained about him not telling her he was leaving and it was no big deal. Well when I was growing up in my house my mom would have been pissed. When one of them left they felt it was common courtesy to go let the other know where they where going and to say I love you and of course to kiss the other one good bye. Or if one was asleep to leave a note so the other person did not worry. When he talks about his parents and their relationship to me it does not seem normal. Like two people who have their own lives living in the same house who will hang out sometimes. Each one has their own bills to pay, they don't really tell each other what they are doing. My parents planned everything together. Everything was considered ours not yours and mine. So we where obviously brought up two different ways. There was another incident that happened recently though that has been eating at me. I wasn't sure whether to bring it up because I have been trying through this message to not make one of us look like the bad guy and be objective so I can get real answers from people with more experience. No matter how I tell this next one though its going to make him look bad. He was down in May. While he was here I forget 2 pills. As soon I realized it of course I took them like I was supposed to but for the next 2 weeks until my period came it was tense. His behavior over it was a huge surprise. Now I know everyone has huge fears. Some people are afraid of heights,some of the dark, his has always been an unplanned pregnancy. The idea of not at least living together and to have to pay child support for 18 years scares him to death. What I would have never guessed on was how he completely went of the handle mad at me and just angry. He knows for me abortion would never be an option and I was told over and over how I had ruined his life and how if I was he was going to kill himself. I have never seen that behavior before. Now even he admitted later it was bad but I cant help wonder. Was this one of these things where his worse fear almost came true so he panicked and acted out or could this be one of these this is how he really is and I am not seeing it since we are in a LDR. I know he has a temper but this was extreme. I start thinking back to things like how I have heard him scream and talk in an angry way towards his mom on numerous occasions and wonder should I be concerned. Wow I have spent almost 2 hours writing/rewriting this so that I didn't miss anything and I probably will think of more stuff later but this is already a long read. I feel like when I reread what I wrote I should already know the answers to some of my questions I am asking your opinions on. The problem is as I am sure most of you already know once you fall in love everything becomes confusing and what should probably be black and white feels like all shades of grey. I would love any and all thoughts on everything I wrote. Is this a case of we are just not compatible and have different views. Am I expecting to much and it would be this way with any guy. If so what particular is it you think I am expecting to much on. Do you think maybe I am letting myself be walked over and taken advantage of. Since he doesn't know if he can continue making the trips or even move down and I know I cant is it time to throw in the towel and move on. Should I be worried about that temper outburst. I am probably getting a phone call tomorrow night so I will answer back on this and let people know whats going on and maybe even ask more in a few days. Thank you again everyone for taking the time to read this.