I think reason he’s doesn’t share his day to day life is for security reasons ...

Now this is what happened to me I’m not saying it’s the same thing .but to give you an outline

My ex stopped calling me pet names and saying I love you ( I took it as sometimes if you over say it loses it meaning )

He ignored 99.9% of my texts (he’s busy)

My ex did the same thing your bf does when I would bring it up he would say he loved me and say sorry but then went back to the same .. ( he’s stressed with his life and job)

I ignored all the red flags because I was in love with him again I’m not saying it’s the same thing but do not ignore the red flags.

Thanks for responding. When I said he doesn’t share his day to day, I mean he doesn’t share much concerning his well-being not his job. I didn’t even know he was having surgery til the day of. And he said his reasoning is that he’s had to harden himself out there. He somehow thinks that when he gets back we’ll act like the past time apart never happened.
If you don’t mind me asking what happened with you and your ex?

This is something you really need to think bout acting like nothing happened while you been apart is this something you can do ? The thing with any relationships weather it’s friendship, dating, you have to be able talk bout things and not sweep shit under the rug pretending things didn’t happen..if he honestly think when he comes back everything will return to normal it won’t..

One of the things you both need to do is have a serious conversation about the future do you both see a future with each other and what does the future look like .. before you do it write down everything you want talk bout so you don’t forget or miss any important things

One thing my sister told me is how he is now is how he’s going be in the marriage ..(when I was confused bout breakups)

My Dad used to tell me don’t get yourself into something you can’t get out of ( whenever I thought bout doing something he knew was a big mistake)

We ended up breaking up and I’m still dealing with it because was this past month... I need a lot of attention and I have very low self esteem and he couldn’t deal with it anymore .. this one was harder because I thought he was the one and we would marry each other but didn’t happen. I always wanted him call me babe and say he loved me and he just stopped I had to force him to and when I tried to ask him if we could talk would be why what do we need talk bout why do we always need talk . One thing I would always do is asked him where we stood because his words and actions were 2 completely different things

I already told him that acting like it never happened was probly not going to happen on my part. We’ve already sat down and had a longer convo about “the future” awhile back but honestly everything pretty much weighs on when he’s coming back even though he said he would be back in Feb/March and now it’s looking like August. I’m currently in grad school online and will be finished by August so I’ll be moving and hopefully everything meshes well together.

My other issue is that when he initially got there he was talking about getting out of the military soon and now he’s decided not to for stability reasons. I love him but I’m not really interested in being a military wife and the possibility of him leaving again for awhile without me and him acting cold isn’t something I think I can deal with. But at the same time I’m like a million times certain that he’s my person, so I’ll probly end up doing it anyway if that’s what happens.

Side question: How did you cope with ur ex being away? I don’t really have many friends and online grad school is pretty stressful so most of the time when he calls or texts me everyday I’m not in the best mood.

I personally do not believe in taking breaks but maybe you both should take a break and figure your lives out ... he should be discussing his future plans with you as you both have had a discussion about the future and getting married

You need to make sure you can 100% handle him being away . I think you both need to really have another serious discussion about the future .

I’m not sure if your into Tyler perry madea character YouTube madea tree lecture here’s the link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTPzXwNVc9g
A lot of what she’s says is spot on.

Thanks for the advice. We’ve taken a few breaks because sometimes I have a hard time focusing on schoolwork if I’m not in a good place mentally. And typically it helps cuz I come back with a new sense of things and there’s less arguing Unfortunately, the last time he said he thought I abandoned him cuz he has abandonment issues. And even though there are positives to it, I do feel guilty for asking for that as well as holding a grudge when we never know when God wants to call us home.

I have severe abandonment issues it’s something I’m working on and it’s tough I suggest your bf if he haven’t to get help on his abandonment issues ..

Never feel guilty asking some one to give you time or space ... you need to do what’s best for you ...

My next question is a bit of a long shot. What are the chances that my bf is going to breakup with me? I apologized for distancing myself from him especially since he jus had surgery. And he barely responded and was rather huffy and puffy on the phone when I called him to see if he’s mad. So now it feels like he’s delaying actually having a conversation with me cuz he said he’ll talk to me next week.

He told me awhile back that the way he breaks up with girls is by inadvertently having them breakup with him. I’m not mad or super sad about the possibility of us breaking up cuz it is what it is. The delaying of the conversation is making my anxiety levels higher and I’d personally like to know the deal upfront so I can mentally prepare for my response.

If you are 100% sure you want to end the relationship call him and say this isn’t working out anymore but make sure this is 100% what you want.. if you feel the relationship is unrepairable but if you think It is repairable say to him when you get back we can try and see if we can repair our relationship

He also might be mentally preparing himself for breakup so that why he’s acting like he is ..


Do you feel like he’s going dump you ? He might of said he’ll talk next week to see if you will calm down

I’m going by my recent breakup over the last few months he went from being a somewhat decent guy to a complete asshole .. we were hanging out one night and out of nowhere he said you think if I don’t say night to you I don’t love you and I got up was getting ready to walk off he’s like stop being childish and i came back I said to him if you don’t want fucking be with me just fucking say so (I barely swear with him ) he’s like work sucks and everything..so fast forward to now he told me he don’t have time for gf which in my heart & head don’t make sense because when you truly love someone you do everything There were signs that I ignored and One mistake I made is I gave him all the power when he said jump I would say how high I lived and breathe for him .

Idk I still wanna be with him but honestly if he doesn’t want to be with me I’m not going to say no if he says he no longer wants to be with me which is what I’ve said every time he’s attempted to breakup with me previously.

Its just that it’s not the end of the world if we break up cuz honestly I spent 23 years without him and I was just fine.

My mom doesn’t think he’s going to break up with me cuz I’m the only person in his life who actually cares. And his family only tends to call when they need something monetarily.

Thanks so much for listening and providing feedback. My only friend never provides useful feedback cuz she kind of assumes that my dude is like hers. Which is insane considering my man would never cheat on me.

Oh I just wanted to say that he didn’t break up with me. He said he was having a hard time cuz he’s ready to leave and they won’t let him. Regardless he spent the majority of the night on the phone with me instead of sleeping

How are things going with you guys ?

Everything’s cool, I guess. My classes started again and I’m trying to grow my YouTube channel so I don’t really have the time to think about him. He said he had to go on a mission or something and he’s taking a class or something so we’ve barely texted or talked. He did text me that they told him he should be back in July, so that’s good news!!

Honestly, I think being busy and barely talking works the best for us cuz then we barely have time to miss each other and I don’t have the time for my “insecurities” to pop up.